Thunder
by 2carm2carm2
Summary: Edward's the bad kid without a father, Bella has been in a wheelchair her whole life. Edward finally gets caught after breaking Bella's wheelchair at school and faces the punishment. Little did anyone know that punishment would change his life completely.
1. Attack

_A brief candle; both ends burning  
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning  
A friend to share the lonesome times  
A handshake and a sip of wine  
So say it loud and let it ring  
We are all a part of everything  
The future, present and the past  
Fly on proud bird  
You're free at last._

I sometimes wondered what would be like to live in a big city. Like maybe New York, or Chicago, even Seattle. Anything other than this town of Cedar Springs in Michigan.

The population was 3,112 this year, 1960. Living in a town with that small of population had its advantages and disadvantages, for starters everyone knew everyone, whether you wish to count that has a disadvantage or advantage is entirely depending on your personal views. I found it as a disadvantage.

Our little town was established in 1856 as a lumber town, which is why we were nicknamed the Red Flannel Town. The city it's self is surrounding by trees in every part of the town, they heavily surrounded the only high school in the town; Cedar Springs High School where I was at my forth and last year of.

I lived in a three story dark brown house in the middle on the out skirts of town; the entire décor was done to fit my mother's ever so expensive taste. The high school was about a mile from my home, the large park with the town's only baseball diamonds and soccer fields.

There were small homes scattered in clusters everywhere, the city is actually very movie like, or neat I suppose. There will be roads with houses of every color (within in reason of course) built with the exact same space in between the yards and maple trees planted on the side of the road, also placed perfectively even. In the fall many of the locals enjoyed strolling under the golden, orange and red trees.

I did admit they weren't awful to look at but that was before I ended up raking the three trees leaves that we had in our yard. All they are to me now is work.

The small town had two elementary schools, one junior high and one high school. There was a small bank that was locally owned and a tiny bed and breakfast for the tourists, and believe there was not many of them. And so on so forth, there wasn't much variety unless you were a tree nut like some people.

People in the city had life planned out after high school, most graduates would go on to work with their father or mother in the local businesses, some would escape the town or a few would attend college. The rate of graduates of college or any other profession school was 3%, a fair enough deal below the state's average.

The jobs range quite widely, my mother for example, Esme, is the head of pediatrics and OBGYN unit at the local hospital. She grew up here in Cedar Springs and once she graduated she went off to attend the University of Michigan and then medical school at Stanford only to return here to practice medicine in the town she loved.

Mom is one of the smartest people of the town, with highest of jobs. Like I said, the jobs ranged all the way from that to the local mechanic shop where Emmett Swan worked, and owned. Some folks called him Emmett; you really can't be too formal here.

Emmett was only 28 and is business was quite successful considering he didn't take over from his father, grandfather or even uncle. But he had to be I suppose considering his sister.

Bella Swan was his little sister but he was also her caregiver. The Swan's parents were killed when Bella was ten, it was a mistake, to quote the minister (in the city's only Catholic Church) two innocent and bright people should have lived. Emmett had just graduated from high school and had been accepted into a school in Chicago with a full scholarship when the accident happened.

Emmett had no choice but to raise her, or saw it seemed to the rest of the town. He opened up his shop with the money his parents left him and has been doing well since. And that was eight years ago.

Bella is eighteen as well as me, we had gone to the same school since preschool but there was something else that was different about Bella. She couldn't walk.

Just because someone has legs doesn't mean they work right. She sat in a wheelchair since her first day of school; I still remembered those years in the misty fog of my memory. She didn't seem to notice anything different about her, the kids did but she didn't.

Honestly I didn't know why she couldn't walk; I assumed it because she just never had proper function of them. I asked my mom when I was in 4th grade. She merely told me, "Bella is special pumpkin. God had other plans for her than playing soccer or kickball." And I've never asked again.

No boys ever really thought twice about her, she was in a wheel chair and to be honest, quite plain. At first glance you saw the girl with a beauty mark, pale skin and full lips; the girl who wore overalls or at least knee length skirts and often sweaters or cardigans.

But why am I explaining Bella? Surprising that I have mentioned nothing about myself. Very odd. I'm not saying that I am shallow as some would say or self centered it is just if you were new to the town I would most likely be one of the people to talk about, good or bad; well it depends on the situation.

My name is Edward Cullen; I am the son of Esme and the late Carlisle. I am an only child, no brothers or sisters to play with when I was younger but I didn't have anyone to worry about either like some of my buddies. I'm not sure how to describe myself…uncertain maybe?

Well that's what the school counselor would have described me as anyway, "Oh that Cullen boy, he is just uncertain about life, and he will get figured out soon enough." That was really the polite way of saying that I pretty much had no hope and really wasn't destined to anything great with my life. I wasn't really offended by her; I mean at least she never really nailed me about these things like some of my teachers who thought I would be a good project for them. As if, I scoffed.

I heard my last name being called, most of the guys and some girls at the school just called me that. "Cullen!" My friend Paul hissed at me in the chill of the night. I shivered but focused. A few of my friends and I had snuck out tonight to graffiti the school in protest of a test that Ms. Anderson had assigned yesterday to study for. Math was not exactly my strong point; don't get me wrong, I did maintain a C average though.

"Sorry," I whispered while shaking the can of spray paint that Paul had grabbed from his father's garage. The can made a clinking noise as I shook it in chilly March night.

"Would you like to do the honors?" The guy named Jasper asked me. Jasper was a shady character, he scared little children in all honestly, he was dark and his thoughts and words sometimes spooked people. He wasn't my favorite but I could tolerate him.

"With pleasure," I smirked before bringing my hooded sweatshirt up over my mouth and nose so not to breathe in the fumes and began to spray right under room 227.

The next day I was sitting in my homeroom, cursing myself for staying up with the guys so late, on Tuesday mornings you need all the sleep you can muster up. I slouched down into my desk, propping my feet up with desk in front of me. I tapped my pencil, feeling the need to be moving.

The secretary, Mrs. Cope, a larger woman with bright orange hair and lips coated with thick red lipstick, was finishing the announcements over the intercom. Just as I thought she was finally done and I didn't have to hear her shrilly, high pitched voice the principal's voice caught our attention.

"As some of you students may have seen this morning it appears we have a graffiti problem in this school. The following was spray painted onto Ms. Anderson's outside wall, -17 x 394 = Stupid and Pointless, Math is awful, and Ms. Anderson is cruel." I slid farther into my seat as a murmur around the class arose. My homeroom teacher, Mr. Lynn looked at everyone sharply, efficiently halting all noise.

"If anyone has any leads as to who has done this please come to my office, this is not something we will tolerate here. I prided myself that you students knew that, but now I see I was sorely mistaken. Have a good day," and then the annoying static voice was off.

Some people glanced to their neighbors and the whispers started again, a few girls looked at me, some of the guys too but I knew I would not get caught. I had grown very good at making it appear as I am innocent all the time. None of my teacher's really suspected anything; from me at least.

There were five of us there last night, me, Paul, Jasper, Cody and Mitch. And ever since we have done anything that could remotely get us in trouble it was said that if a single person got caught they would take full blame and rat nobody out, we've only really got caught twice, and Jasper and Mitch have taken full blame of those two. So I was fairly confident that no one had seen us last night and therefore they would have some difficulty placing the blame for this.

"Well I know it was not any of my students, you are the most behaved bunch this school has seen." I silently chuckled while some guys laughed. Mr. Lynn had meant it has a joke but most girls took it seriously. I rolled my eyes at the way they nodded, especially Jessica, the cheerleader. I shuddered a little.

Jessica had a not so subtle thing for me. It was disgusting the way she hung around me, I had told her many times I was not interested in her but she would merely giggle obnoxiously and wink. It was like trying to leave a puppy behind, they would always come back and follow you at one point or another; very frustrating and completely unnecessary.

I'm not saying that I found myself ugly, or even unattractive, at 18 my muscles were actually pretty defined. In junior high I always felt completely out of place. It didn't seem that my dark brozne hair that was sort of long but I never slicked back, went with my green eyes or my slightly tanner skin, and my eyebrows were awful. I was convinced they were as bushy as caterpillars until I realized no one even cared and they were in fact not that bad.

All of this paled in comparison to some other guys here, or even the pretty girls, Jessica not being one of them.

The bell rang just as it had for the past four years making me jump, startled. "Get to class," Mr. Lynn said while sitting in his desk and shuffling some papers for his lesson plan. I slid slickly out of my seat with a yawn; school was not my favorite thing. But I only had about three months left of it.

As I was walking down the hallway with my books held lazily by my waist I saw Bella wheeling herself to her first class, smiling as the students and teachers said hi to her. I had failed to mention that Bella was just about one of the happiest people you will ever meet. She is so damn happy every minute of every hour of every day of every week, it went on, believe me.

I was about to hop on the back of her chair and wheel down the halls at a fast pace like I sometimes would but there were too many teachers, and many of whom thought I was great. They thought that I was well behaved and mannered. Now wasn't the time to prove them wrong with graduation quickly approaching.

I got to my first class right as the bell rang. I gave the teacher a sheepish smile before I slid into my assigned seat that was thankfully in the back. I hated world history; it was a bunch of dead guys with random dates that no one really needs to know. Honestly who cares about what year the Vikings sailed to Greenland? Well other than Sid Penske.

Sid was this annoying kid who skipped his freshman year because he was very smart, he sits right in the front row. Actually he sits where I was supposed to sit and I was in his spot but Sid asked Mr. Owen if he could be in the front to help his education. He is basically the only one who knows all of this stuff and he likes to talk- no, _marvel_ about all of this.

Halfway through the class when we began our discussion on the colonization of Canada (I knew _that_ would be something I needed to know in life) I asked Mr. Owen if I could go to use the bathroom. He agreed absentmindedly already engulfed in a conversation with Sid who had most likely read ahead.

The hall was empty as I slid out of the suffocating classroom, the door clicking shut behind me. My foot steps echoed as I slowly made my way to the boy's bathroom, not in any rush to get back to class. I shoved my hands in my pockets while walking past the rows of red lockers and with wooden classroom doors spaced in between them.

After I delayed going back to class the longest I could I began to head back through the hallway. I saw Bella Swan at the drinking fountain. I smirked, no teachers to see me. My footsteps stopped and she looked up at me her brown eyes suddenly go from content to tired. She sighed as I started to jog over her.

I hopped onto the pole in between the two back wheels and held onto the handle as the wheels of the chair sped down the hallway. Bella just shook her head and probably ignored me. I felt my hair fly as we sped down.

Then the wheels started to wobble and the grin slid off of my face as the chair got even more unsteady. Bella's body tensed as did mine before she suddenly slid off the chair in the front as if it couldn't hold her up. I jumped quickly off so my weight wouldn't crush the chair into her.

My shoulder nailed into the hard linoleum floor. I groaned and let my head softly fall to the ground while my right hand went up to rub my left shoulder that was most likely going to bruise, out of pure instinct. The pain jolted and spread through my arm, my hand was doing nothing to sustain it.

A door swung open fiercely, hitting the wall behind it with a loud bang. I lifted my neck up to see the principal coming out to investigate. I followed his gaze to where Bella was about six feet away from me.

The front wheels of her wheel chair were next to the slanted chair with a pole from what I assumed and been holding the front of it together was lying near it. Bella was sitting with her legs straight out, her left hand propping her up behind her and her right hand rubbing the back of her head, her brown hair tied up in a bun with strands around it.

My eyes reluctantly wondered back to the principal. Mr. Oakland was young guy, actually I think he was in the graduating class before Emmett but I wasn't sure. He had blonde slicked back hair, and most teachers found him handsome, but the guy really didn't have much muscle. At all.

"What is going on here? Bella are you alright dear?" He rushed over to her, bending down as his hands fluttered uselessly. I let my head fall back to the floor. I could probably get up but I was slightly annoyed that he hadn't even glanced at me.

Bella was not one to be made a big deal out of. She rushed to assure the principal she was in fact okay. "I'm alright Mr. Oakland, thank you. I think Edward may have hurt his shoulder though." I heard him sigh, whether it was of exaggeration or relief I wasn't sure.

I had never really done anything to personally offend him like I had to other teachers; I was always very careful where the principal was concerned. But he narrowed me out as the bad kid, the one who caused trouble, and well pretty much what I did. Yet he didn't ever bust me for little things because I honestly thought that he was sweet on my mom if you know what I mean.

"Mr. Cullen, are you alright?" He asked me as I reluctantly sat up with a huff. His head was looking at me in concern.

I nodded.

Then just for good sake I rolled my shoulder around, my eyes squinting at the discomfort that caused.

"Good. Now get into my office, now." I could tell he was glad I wasn't injured too badly but beneath that gaze and the tone in his voice I could easily predict some anger and yelling in my near future.

"Ms. Swan, can I carry you to my office, we should call your brother." Bella looked hesitant but realized she couldn't quite sit out here in the hallway and nodded. He stood up before bending over and latching his arms under her knees and on her back. I raised a confused eyebrow that went unnoticed.

It was clearly a struggle for him to lift this 120 pound girl. I sighed in annoyance before standing up, what did this man bench? 30 pounds max?

"Mr. Oakland I can carry her," I volunteered figuring I was in a lot of trouble and it wouldn't kill me to be on better on or a little better of terms with him. He looked back at me and then at Bella.

Bella's eyes were large, not in a wow this handsome guy is going to carry me, but more of, what happened to Edward Cullen? type of way. She nodded in answer to his silent question and he removed his hands. I crouched down and scooped her into my arms. It had been hard to tell when she was sitting but she actually was quite small.

"Follow me," Mr. Oakland said sharply. My shoulder ached in protest as I started to walk into the office. Bella brought her hand around my neck, just in case I decided to maybe drop her; which I could never do after breaking her wheel chair. I may hang around some of the bad boys but guilt was not something that you wouldn't have, no matter who you are.

The office it was a square shaped room. On the wall with entrance door, well it wasn't a wall it was class. Mrs. Voss had her rectangular desk in the center of the room and Mr. Oakland's office was directly behind. The nurse was to the right of his room and the school's counselor was on the left wall by the shelves for the teachers.

Mrs. Cope, looking interesting in her green and red floral dress with polka dot glasses looked up from her desk in the center of the room and gasped. "Oh my, what happened?"

"I will figure out Shirley," Mr. Oakland said while pointedly looking over his shoulder to give me a look. Ignoring it, I just kept walking, following his pace.

Why was everyone so soon to jump to conclusions? Maybe I had been coming from the bathroom, in a hurry to get back to history when I saw Bella, whose wheelchair was not working on the floor and then I ran to help her, tripping near her in the process… would that be so unreasonable to assume?

I answered my own question. Yes, yes it would be.

Smirking I glanced down at Bella who was blushing and trying to look anywhere but at my face or the principal's for that matter. This was clearly embarrassing her but I couldn't help but think that I could perhaps get her to go along with that story. But I doubted it, she was above lying, well I assumed so anyway.

Mr. Oakland glanced at me while he held the door open for me to come through. I looked at him, letting nothing of my emotions reach my eyes. He sighed before shutting the door and following me in.

His office was an average size, very cliché. It had the desk right when you walk in, a big wooden oak one with a swivel black chair behind it. Two red cushioned chairs with wooden uncomfortable armrests were directly in front of the desk. A book shelf was on the right side filled with pictures, books, and documents and a giant picture of the school when it was first founded hung on the plain white wall on the right side.

I walked on the flat grey carpet to set Bella down on the first chair to the right, the fabric was cheap and had been sat on many times making the parts roll into tiny clumps giving it that uncomfortable school feeling. It was like the feeling of worn pajama pants.

I sat down in the chair next to her, rubbing my neck where her hand had been though I didn't realize I had done. Mr. Oakland had taken a seat the same time as me and was looking through the filing cabinet behind his desk in the left corner. I slid into my seat a little bit, straightening my legs in front of me before casting a look at Bella who was looking at me like nothing was wrong.

"What?" She whispered to be as our principal found the file he was looking for and started to press buttons on his phone.

Bella didn't have a low voice, but it wasn't annoying and high like Jessica's it was a refreshing mix in the middle of two. Because whether or not they admit it, everyone knows someone who you just cringe when they are talking. Thankfully Bella wasn't that person.

"Aren't you mad at me?" I asked her under my breath, looking back at him though he was writing notes on a something on his desk while holding the phone with his shoulder. I felt like we shouldn't be speaking in here but Bella didn't seem to think so. It wasn't that I haven't been here, but for nothing this big.

I looked back at her as she shrugged, "What good would that do me?" I was about to answer but I closed my mouth. She had a very good point there, it really wouldn't make a much a difference if she was next to me fuming instead of waiting patiently for him to be off of the phone.

The noise of a phone hitting its base brought my attention back to my annoyed principal. I didn't think this was going to be a good day…

"I just called your mother Mr. Cullen and your brother will be here shortly Bella." I closed my eyes, inwardly groaning. My mother was definitely a character. That was an entirely different thing though I knew she would be livid.

My father had always been the one to discipline when he was alive but after he died my mom tried to take on that trait. She did try and sometimes I listened to her but she just wasn't a man, she didn't have the skills to communicate with guys like another male would. Yes, I cut her some slack and it wasn't like I liked to disobey her, it just didn't seem like she cared that much in the first place.

"What's going to happen Mr. Oakland?" Bella asked out of polite curiosity it seemed. Nothing would happen to her, it was me who was threading in shark filled waters right now.

"Mr. Cullen could quite possibly be facing expulsion today."

And there was the attack.

* * *

Chapter song: _Awakening by Switchfoot_

* * *

AN: Do I continue?


	2. Punishment

**Shout out to my fantastic beta - JKRowlingrox  
You rock more than Rowling m'dear (:  
Sorry...that was lame.**

* * *

My mother was lovely women. She was caring and had a heart full of compassion. But once Esme Cullen is steamed up on anything at all there was nothing getting her off track. And to make matters worse I knew she had always had a soft spot for Bella and would be furious when she learned what I had done.

Well, it wasn't just her. All the adults had a soft spot for Bella. The teachers would have loved her even if she wasn't a straight A student who participated in class without taking all the attention away from the students. All the women in the town always had time to talk with her when they saw her, or talk about her, saying, "Oh that Bella, she is such a dear. I hope my little one will be like her." And believe me, you heard that from every book club and their cousin in this town.

The thoughts of getting expelled kept coming back into my mind, creeping like a stalker in the night. I tried to focus on anything else, anything that would distract me from the fretting I was putting off. My mind couldn't consider it.

_Shrimp_, I thought in a desperate attempt to distract myself, _why aren't they goldfish_. _And goldfish in the place of shrimp_? Weird.

Bella and Mr. Oakland chattered on about something, Mr. Oakland smiling and laughing along with her while I frowned and sat quietly staring at my leather shoes. See, all the teachers practically kneeled at her feet. Fifteen minutes later there was a knock on the door. My head turned around but the door wasn't see through, it had that fuzzy thick glass in the middle.

Mr. Oakland glanced at it and called out, "Come in please." My mother walked in through the door, her face flushed and caramel hair pulled back in an updo with some strands falling out. My eyes locked with her brilliant blue ones. Hers narrowed and she raised an eyebrow at me, strictly. I groaned lightly, breaking the eye contact with her and rising from my seat.

There were only two chairs, so of course the ladies, in this case my mom and Bella, got to sit while Emmett and I stood. Just as she sat down and sent me a look I wondered where Emmett was anyway, and then I started to pray that he wouldn't come, because in all honesty he did frighten me, although I would never admit it.

Just as I was thinking that Emmett may have canceled and wasn't able to make it of course he walked in through the door. I sighed under my breath as he reached Bella in two short strides. "This is swell," I muttered under my breath sarcastically.

"Emmett, thank you for coming on such short notice," Mr. Oakland greeted him after standing up and shaking his hand firmly, the muscles in Emmett's arms flexing in the process. Then the principal sat back down and Emmett almost looked like he was bracing himself. His legs were a little more than shoulder length apart and his arms were crossed over his chest, not looking at me but instead staring straight ahead after greeting my mother.

Now I was not one that was easily intimidated, honestly there were a very few people or situations or things that could intimidate me, but Emmett was one of them. He had short brown hair that was cut close to his head but didn't stick up like a buzz cut, and he was much more muscular than Mr. Oakland. He was wearing grease stained jeans and just a plaid navy shirt, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Some people don't shave everyday; you know the one's who are just sort of scruffy? Well Emmett was one of those people.

"Joshua, I think Emmett and I are confused by what you told us on the phone, but I can only speak for myself," she looked over at Emmett who nodded silently, his lips pressed into a line, neither happy nor entirely angry… yet.

"I think your son Mrs. Cullen, would better explain that." If there was one thing I hated more than anything, it was when teachers made you tell your parents or other teachers things. I swear, every time I would see each of them smirk a little bit before I have to tell an adult bad news. Cowards.

"I sort of broke Bella's wheelchair," I mumbled, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans and looking down at the thin gray carpet, avoiding all of their gazes that were surely pointed at me.

"Oh my. Bella are you okay?" my mother asked, alarm clearly evident on her face. I'm sure she was leaning over to fuss over her while Bella most likely blushed with embarrassment.

Bella needed help with everyday life but she was so damn proud. She never liked to ask for help unless she had tried, and failed, numerous times. Unlike some people, she never used her wheelchair or disability as an excuse for anything at all. And she hated when people always fussed over her.

"You just happened to tap it and it broke?" I looked up once Mr. Oakland spoke. I shook my head to his question (which was quite rudely stated by the way) and he sighed before trying another approach. "Then please tell us how you managed to break it. You are lucky Bella avoided injury."

His eyes bore into mine like a hawk, I quickly diverted my eyes to Bella who my mother had just stopped whispering to and realized they were both looking at me. I huffed silently and opened my mouth to speak but was surprised when I heard Bella's voice instead.

"Edward hopped onto the bar, and sometimes I don't mind because if I could walk I would do the same thing, or maybe not, but the wheels just seemed to be going too fast and they couldn't hold it so we sort of crashed a bit, but I'm perfectly fine," Bella told them, sending me a smile through her eyes before everyone looked at me again. I shrank into the wall behind me. Somewhere in my mind I knew my friends would have fits of laughter seeing me so scared like this, but regardless, that was only somewhere in my mind.

I didn't fail to notice that Bella had definitely explained the situation like I did not have as much fault as I would have if I had been the one to tell the story. I glanced up at Mr. Oakland who was running his hand through his blonde hair and then straightening his pale blue tie. My mother had her right arm proped on the arm rest with her fingers resting on her forehead, blocking her face.

Emmett on the other hand still wasn't looking at me. I could clearly see that his jaw was clenched though; I knew he was very protective of his sister. And I was preparing myself for the yelling that would most likely be heard in Antarctica. Oh hell, now I would have penguins laughing at me. Perfect.

"You. Broke. Her. Wheelchair?" My mother asked, I still could not see her face but I could tell she was not happy, more on the lines of exaggerated* actually…

No mother, we are in the office to discuss my desire to be in a rock and roll band.

I felt the question was meant to be rhetorical so I didn't answer, but Mr. Oakland was not one to go without chiming in. "The price of that may be expulsion." I swear to God this man is just giddy that he will finally, in all the years of leading this boring school, be able to expel someone. I'm glad I can help you accomplish your dreams Mr. Oakland.

Normally I'm not a sarcastic person, but stress can do that to someone I guess. And in truth I was very stressed, school may be pointless but I actually enjoyed hanging out with my friends, and sometimes the teachers amuse me, and well, let's face it, I would have nothing to talk about without the boring building.

"Edward Edmund Cullen," my mother said, whipping her head back to face me. I could see Bella quietly giggling to herself upon hearing my middle name, I swear Emmett even cracked a little smirk too. Hey, it was my grandfather's name and he was, well, he worked at a library…but still, heritage pride.

"How could you be so careless, and reckless? Your father would have been so disappointed in you, if he were still here…" she trailed off and sucked in a breath, everyone shifted uncomfortably while I hung my head, in honest shame. She was right; my father would have given me a tongue lashing. I would take a million of them if…

I was pulled out of my sudden thoughts concerning my father when I heard Emmett's voice. He clearly took pity on my mother and tried get the heavy hanging silence out of the air with haste.

"Edward, I should give you a good yell, it's what you deserve," I looked up to see he was now angled at me, his brown eyes still flat. "But I think we should come up with a better plan. I feel expulsion may be a little harsh even after the incident." Mr. Oakland nodded and gestured with his hands for him to proceed. Bella looked up at her brother curiously. I was looking at him with one of my eyebrows raised so high that I felt my forehead wrinkle.

"Traveling from one place to another is not easy with Bella, and she normally has to wait almost an hour and a half for me to pick her up everyday. I think now that winter is over Edward, you can escort her home everyday." My eyes grew wide with surprise and both my eyebrows shot up. Bella's face was surprised as well but I don't think her eyes were as wide as mine. Mr. Oakland was grinning and nodding from his desk.

Before I could start to process this new offer along with everyone else my mother cut in. "What about the wheelchair?" Knowing her, she would probably make me pay for it, but I would complain and in the end she would give in, that's normally how our arguments went. It was a test to see who could hold out the longest. And I won every time.

"I can fix that easily, though I have no idea why someone sane would jump on the back of wheelchair for a joy ride…" Emmett trailed off, muttering and shaking his head, not even bothering to look at me. To say I was relieved that he wasn't yelling at me was an understatement. I had almost begun to sweat when he first started to talk. My heart had now calmed down though, and now I felt like a kid who found out the surprise test was open notebook.

"I think that is a more than fair deal, and very generous of you Emmett," my mom nodded with a business smile, though there was something in her eyes as she looked at Bella and me.

We stayed in the office a little longer, discussing my record before Emmett picked up Bella with so much ease that Mr. Oakland looked surprised.

I snickered.

Quietly of course.

The Swan's left because Bella needed her wheelchair and Emmett had to fix it. I went back to class, which was almost over. The sad thing was that when I walked in through the door, knowing that there was only two minutes left of class, Sid and the teacher were engaged in the same conversation they had been when I had left. He hadn't noticed that I'd been gone so long. Very reassuring if you ask me.

I knew I would have to wheel Bella home tomorrow. Now, knowing and realizing are two totally different things. I knew I had to but I didn't really realize what that meant until I was sitting in my next class. Bella was not someone who people just went up to and spent time with, and if I told people that I broke her wheelchair doing what I did I would sound like a jerk, but if I told them I was pushing her voluntarily there would be a ton of teasing and jokes directed at me.

Honestly, I was annoyed. At Bella. I don't know why I was mad at her, she really didn't do anything wrong, in fact she helped cover for me slightly. But still, I was mad that I had to push her. I even had to make the choice between ridicule and looking like a jerk. And she was still just, well, Bella. I don't claim my thoughts are logical but she just isn't what I want to be remembered by for my last days of high school, if you know what I mean.

I was sulking by the time I was in my third period class, I hated biology, I was never really good at it and it bugged me. I didn't really mind the teacher, Ms. Wilson though, she was funny at times and she never really pushed me that hard. Mostly because at the beginning of the year she told us she wasn't going to waste her time on students who are unwilling to learn.

My friend Martin, who was also my lab partner, slid into the stool next to me. He propped his elbows on the smooth, black counter top and looking over at me with a frown.

"Hey, how come I didn't know about the graffiti extravaganza last night?" He asked me with a smirk, elbowing me. Despite my irritable mood I chuckled heartily as the last of the students took their seats.

"Martin, you don't even _have_ Ms. Anderson for math," I pointed out, still smirking with amusement. He rolled his eyes over dramatically.

"I _know_ that, but still! Who doesn't like a little late night toxic fumes?" Martin asked both rhetorically and over dramatically. He definitely had a lot of energy and was funny to talk to with the way he took things so light and easy.

"But-" I was about to, once again, point out that he was in fact not in her math class but he cut me off with a wave of dismissal.

"Yeah, yeah, but I don't have her. You said that. I have all the boring teachers who don't do anything that I can trash their room for!" I rolled my eyes as Ms. Wilson walked in through the door with her lesson plans in her hand. I didn't respond to Martin and we listened to her as she began her lecture.

Martin had been my friend since my father died, he had befriend me a little before the accident when I was the good kid who got straight A's and did as he was told, practiced my guitar, ate my vegetables, went to bed early, well... you get the point. Martin was just like that too, but then I started to change. I distanced myself and started to get into trouble more.

Martin didn't make friends too easily. Don't get me wrong, he was a great friend, but wasn't, shall we say, socially gifted. He followed me, slowly at first, hesitant to get into trouble. I don't know why, because my friendship really wasn't that valuable in all honesty, but he was still my best friend, hanging with my group of delinquents.

Aside from the memories that were flooding into my head from mine and Martin's younger selves, my thoughts went back to my punishment. By the end of the period I was very mad, but not at Bella. Now, I was mad at my mother. She was the best damn negotiator in this state, and she knew it too. No one messed with her and she always got what she wanted in the end. And it angered me that she just sat back and let me get this punishment, _No_, I thought, she didn't just sit back, she encouraged it. That angered me even more!

Maybe she was doing this on purpose, I thought regretfully. She knew I was intimidated by Emmett, she knew I felt threatened by him. And in her mind this was probably the best form of revenge for me not listening to her in the past. She could have fought it, but she didn't, and she knew I wouldn't fight what he said.

I hate when women outsmart you.

Even if it is my mom.

Martin and I walked silently to the cafeteria, he could sense my drastic mood change over the period and I had yet to tell him why. He knew better than to ask but he most likely couldn't help the curious glances at me. I just gave him a look as we got our lunch, mine consisting of a bottle of Coke. "Don't." I told him simply as he opened his mouth to ask.

We sat down at the usual table that no one ever bothered to try to sit at, except Jessica of course. Paul, Cody and Jasper were already seated, Cody kissing his girlfriend Shari with passion; it made me gag. Our girlfriends' sat with us, but Cody, Jasper (I wasn't too sure, none of us liked her and they were one of those on again-off again couples) and Mitch were the only ones who had them as of now, Martin, Paul and I… well, not so much.

Paul was pigging out on his lunch as Martin and I sat lazily down in our usual uncomfortable red plastic chairs. He looked up and me and swallowed the huge amount of food in his mouth. Then he looked pointedly at me and sat up straight. My frown deepened as I raised an eyebrow in silent question to him.

Paul had not combed his dark black hair this morning, it was disheveled but it didn't look like he just rolled out of bed. But I didn't even notice after the words came out of his mouth: "So what's this I hear about you and Bella Swan?"

What the hell?

How on Earth could that have possible have gotten to anyone, much less Paul, in only two class periods? That was nearly impossible back in that day, even though rumor spreading and gossiping were coming into style at an alarming rate. No one had seen me in the hall because I hadn't seen them, and that would be the only way anyone could have found out.

"What do you mean exactly?" I asked slowly, choosing my words with care, though definitely not the most in the world.

"I have Mr. Owen second period," Paul began and then shuddered the tiniest bit, "God awful class by the way." he added as an afterthought. _Yes, Paul, you finally woke up in class and paid attention? Welcome to high school_, I thought sarcastically with bitterness.

By now the whole table was paying attention to our little conversation. Jasper's girlfriend had sat down next to him (apparently it was an on day), along with Shari and they were both focusing solely on the two of us. I could see Mitch and his current girlfriend coming towards us from across the cafeteria.

"And well at the end of class, he made me put away all the history books after I started to throw balls of paper at people's heads, when Mr. Oakland came in. He was talking about how you, Cullen, had an excused absence because of a situation with Bella Swan. He then went on to explain what you did and your punishment." Paul said with a hint of smirk on his lips but the rest of his face was unreadable.

At least he hadn't announced it in front of everyone. I mentally thanked him for keeping it vague and short. But then as I thought about it for a split second, and I realized he was going to make me explain to them what I did. I mentally took my thank you back after I came to that realization.

"Great, huh?" I muttered rhetorically.

At the same time I said that Martin interjected, "what situation? What did you do?" he questioned me, his eyes losing their joking expression on his face and his lips parted while his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"He broke little Miss Happiness and Perfection's wheelchair," Paul chuckled. Mitch and the Marilyn Monroe of our school, or his girlfriend I suppose, had just joined the table. Jasper's girlfriend laughed along with Mitch's though their names were Emily and Rachel. Shari didn't look all too amused.

Shari was clearly part of the group of girls who felt bad for Bella and talked to her often. That group annoyed me. They were all high and mighty because they were doing something nice.

"Bella?" Martin asked, his eyes disbelieving, "You broke _Bella's_ wheelchair?" I just sort of nodded and he sighed, looking almost mad at me. Martin was light hearted and never took anything serious. I would have talked to him about if Mitch wouldn't have interrupted.

"Jeez, Cullen, you really did it. That so tops our graffiti party we had last night," Mitch laughing loudly, clapping me on my left shoulder. I cringed a little, that shoulder pain from ramming into the floor had started to dull but it was back, demanding attention now.

"Did you get busted?" Cody asked in wonder after they stopped laughing. I frowned instantly while Paul started laughing loudly drawing even more attention to our already loud group.

"That's the best part of the whole story." Paul said obnoxiously, I glared at him which made him more amused.

"Emmett is making me walk her home everyday till we graduate," I muttered. I heard the giggles mixed in with very loud laughter. I sighed and looked at the whole table, aside from Martin, and waited for them to finish their stupid honks of laughter.

"Are you nearly finished?" I asked sourly, not referring to their meals if you know what I mean.

"Oh, man," Mitch sighed, wiping tears from his eyes at how hard he had been shaking with laughter. I scowled bitterly as he continued, "Hey, I can see you're pretty mad. So, I was thinking maybe we can use some of those eggs that my mom just didn't get to…" he trailed off with a smirk slowly and slyly forming.

"Are we talking about an Olson repeat?" Jasper grinned over at the two of us as I started to smirk along with him.

Mitch's parents owned one of the only diner's in this town. His mom was the head cook and we always liked to lounge around there. And Olson, well, Mr. Olson was the town's grump, not exactly the most pleasant old man in the world. Anyway, he had been the one to get Jasper in trouble last year and he was feeling in need of a little revenge, the rest of us went along and we threw eggs at the side of his house.

"I'm in!" Cody said excitedly, grinning mischievously and nodding his head at us. Everyone else nodded in agreement, including Martin who I saw from the corner of my eye. Mitch's smirk grew wider while the girls at our table just rolled their eyes; they were use to our plotting by now.

"Let's go tomorrow during lunch," I suggested. I was actually looking forward to this. It would be a nice stress reliever if you asked me. Being seniors and all we were allowed off of the small campus to go have lunch at home or somewhere, like the diner. Emmett and Bella would be at school and it would be perfect timing.

After lunch Martin and I began our trip up to the classroom of solitude, because it literally was in the smallest building and you had to climb fifty stairs to get up to it. It was the only classroom up there and it was a class that I didn't even like: psychology class.

"Why are you so mad Martin?" I asked him as we began to climb the stairs two by two. We still had a few minutes before we needed to get to class so there wasn't much of a rush.

"I'm not mad," he protested with a grin. Martin and Paul looked alike in many ways, but his hair wasn't as dark as Paul's though they still had the same style. His eyes were bright blue and he sometimes wore thin framed glasses, but not often because some of the guys gave him grief about the nerdy look they gave him.

"Yes, you are. Does it have anything to do with Bella?" I questioned as I spotted the top of the stairs. His grin fell and I assumed it was because I hit the nail right on the head.

As far as I knew Martin had no ties to Bella. Unless they were second... or even third cousins? In which case I was in trouble.

Martin was very protective over his family, kind of like Emmett, which was something I admired in him, but it also annoyed me. Two years ago when Jasper was giving Martin's little sister a hard time, pulling on her hair, just light stuff like that, she went crying to Martin and Martin punched Jasper in the stomach.

It was later explained by Martin that he only did it because his sister had told him to do it or she would tell their parents it was Martin's fault. Now, you would have to meet his little sister to know that she isn't exactly assertive. I saw through this right when he told the story but good old Jasper bought it easily.

"I just didn't think you would go as far as to break her wheelchair. That was a low blow Cullen." He sighed as we finally reached the top, a little out of breath, but we were both used to it by now. I looked at him strangely; I didn't think Martin, the one who had just asked to come with us on our graffiti party, was going to lecture me on something like this.

"I didn't do it on purpose," I mumbled looking down at the tile. I really sort of did it on purpose if you looked at in another way... I guess I did jump on her wheelchair deliberately, but it wasn't like I had taken a large hammer and squished her wheelchair into tiny little pieces and laugh mercilessly.

"I just didn't think you would be the one to finally cross the line like that," Martin shrugged once I looked at him. His eyes were distant, even as they look directly at me. I had never been good with making eye contact. Martin on the other hand, well, yeah, he was.

"What line? What are you even talking about?" I questioned him in confusion as we walked into the already almost full classroom and took our seats.

"Think about it," he replied cryptically, I frowned and looked at him. He was looking away, putting his books messily on the ground next to him. Even when he straightened up in the desk he didn't look at me.

"There was no line that I crossed. I didn't do it on purpose. And all we do is cause trouble, you know that. There is no line in the middle of that." I insisted to him as the teacher walked in the door. I was a little defensive, but Martin was judging me; silently yes, but I could still tell, and I hated being judged. And it did make me defensive.

"Yes." He disagreed simply and swiftly, "there is." He finished his sentence but I knew he wanted to say more. Probably something along the lines of, and you crossed right over it.

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Chapter song: _True Colors by The Glee Cast_

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**AN: Clearly I continued and as long as I have reviews I plan to (:  
****Who saw his punishment coming?  
Do you like Martin? Paul?  
How we liking Bella here?**

**Press this handy little review button, it makes me smile (:  
~Carmen**


	3. Caught

**Thank you JKRowlingRox (:  
You're an amazing beta!**

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After Martin dropped me off at my house that was on the way to his, I walked up the path to my house and opened it with my key. I had seen my mom's car in the driveway and was dreading actually confronting her, knowing something was coming because I had escaped that suffocating office the first chance I got.

Our house was large with three stories, and it was painted a chocolate color with a white trim. It's looked the same since I was twelve. My parents, Esme and Carlisle, had decorated it when they first bought the house and she hasn't changed the interior. It's been the same my whole life.

"Edward," my mom called from inside the kitchen. My footsteps halted and I squeezed my eyes shut before letting out and breath and squaring my shoulders in her direction.

I could handle a yelling from my mom, I knew I could, for they were always the same and normally if I was being honest I was able to drown out most of the lecture and zoom in on the important parts. Somehow, though, I didn't think this one would be quite the same.

"What were you thinking?" She questioned me icily as I sat down on the stool at the kitchen where she was chopping various ingredients near the stove. A large silver pot was on the stove so I assumed she was making soup.

My mom clearly didn't feel like beating around the bush. She got right to the point and her tone was not something I was used to. In fact I was a bit taken aback by the coldness of her voice.

"I-" I started to say but she slammed her large knife onto the chopping board. I jumped a little at the noise, startled, as she turned her body towards mine, propping her right hand on the counter and her left on her hip.

The last time I had been yelled at or even remotely lectured by her was sometime last year I think, and that was for being lazy. I knew that really wasn't it and she probably just had a rough day at work so I had simply brushed it off. And even now, I have no regrets about doing that.

"You're right. You didn't think," she guessed what I had been about to say. I just sat there silently, looking at her as she fumed, "I cannot. Believe. That you would be that irresponsible! Why would you do that to Bella of all people?" I didn't have an answer so instead I just shook my head slightly.

"How many times have you done that? It's clear you've done it before and have just been very careful about not getting caught." Everyone today seemed to be just getting everything in my head right. I knew I was not that easy to read and the fact that people just kept seeing so easily into my head was really starting to bother me

"I've done it a couple times…" I trailed off. My mom's young caramel hair was falling out of the bun to frame her face, and her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows. The uncut carrots lay forgotten. She wasn't that old but this argument made her look twice her age.

Esme had married when she and my dad were eighteen. Now before anyone forms any thoughts about how reckless that was, let's remember that this was in 40's, they did that kind of stuff back then. She got pregnant with me a couple months into their marriage, and that's how she's still so young.

"A couple of times a day? A week? A month? I know we aren't on the best terms Edward. I know I haven't been a good mother. I have every reason to be disappointed to no end with you, but I can't bring myself to be when it's my fault." I was speechless. She was a mess, so unlike her normal put together self. Her rant was going in every direction and I felt so responsible for her distress. And guilty.

"Mom, it's not your fault." I started to say more, but I couldn't think of anything. I felt my throat begin to tighten just a little bit as I watched her try to helplessly hold back her tears. I loved my mom, and when you love someone you don't want to see them hurt or cry. You want to protect them from whatever is tormenting them. But it was me that was harming her, and I couldn't stand it.

"I know you need your father, you need that male authority in your life. For years I had thought that I was doing well by being both parents and turned the other cheek. I don't know what to do anymore." Then tears started to run down her smooth, pale skin, blackened by her mascara. She didn't bother to wipe them, her eyes pained.

My mom was right; a father would have been nice to have all through junior high and high school. You just can't talk to women, especially your mother, about certain things, if you get what I'm saying. She couldn't take me fishing, teach me how to fix cars like Martin's dad did, all that stuff.

"I'm sorry." I apologized before I got up and abruptly left. I was not going to let my mother see me cry.

The next day when I woke up I was more resolved about the fact that I would be walking Bella home. I would do it for my mom, and I knew Dad's birthday was coming up really soon and this was still a hard time of year for us. So I wouldn't make it any worse for her. I would do what she told me to in this case.

I'm not saying I was planning to talk to her, but I would do it, enduring all the stares from students… and the pointing… and the laughter… and the whispering… the more I thought about it, the more stressed out I became again. I slipped out onto the balcony once I realize I had a few minutes and lit a cigarette, something I did to keep my anxiety down.

The cool fresh March air was brisk and refreshing against my face as I leaned over the railing and watched the light gray puff of smoke. The smell of tobacco bothered some people but I was used to it now. I hadn't started smoking until I was sixteen, and that was just on a night I was remembering... It had just kind of stuck.

By my lunch period the air had warmed up and the son l car and started to drive. It seemed like we were going to my house but we stopped before we could reach it at the Swan's.

Mitch had stashed three cartons of eggs in his car this morning. Martin had suggested that two people stay back so we didn't raise suspicion. He had volunteered and Cody had opted to stay with his girlfriend while the rest of us made a break for it. Martin hadn't said anything to me during Science but he was also very engrossed in his doodle so I didn't bother.

"Ha! Did you see Jessica? That was priceless!" Mitch laughed enthusiastically banging his hand on the side of the steering wheel. I was sitting in the passenger seat and the other two were behind us. I wasn't exactly excited to talk about Jessica's latest… move… on me, but they were.

I swear she was like a boomerang; you couldn't get rid of her! And I didn't care how cliché that comparison was, the phrase was probably invented by another guy who had his own cheerleader following him. I cringed; no one should have to have that problem.

"Ah, what did she do now Cullen?" Jasper asked laughing, leaning in between the two seats. I shoved him back which made him laugh more.

"'Oh Cullen,'" Mitch said, imitating Jessica's voice and swaying his head back in forth, making kissing faces at me. I smacked him in the back of the head, hoping that he wouldn't continue but knowing he would, "'that is like, so nice of you to be pushing little Swan home. Maybe I can help you push soon that thing. I'm one for charity you know.'"

I groaned as they snorted with laughter. It sounded even worse repeated with Mitch's "girl voice", which he had surprisingly gotten very good at... Jessica had been oblivious to my stiff posture and grimacing form as she came onto me in home room. I had definitely not found it as funny as they had, though I knew I would be laughing as hard as them if she had come on to anyone else.

"She's so easy," Paul laughed with a sigh, shaking his head. I turned back to glare at him, giving him that, you think!? type of look.

"Here we are," Mitch said as he pulled in to the little yellow house. We had to be quick so no one would see.

Me and Paul jogged over to the right side of the house and opened the carton of eggs. Paul chuckled as he picked one up and bounced it in his hand with a smirk. Then, literally before I could blink, he poised himself like a pitcher and threw the egg with a lot of force into the sunshine colored wood. It made a satisfying crack as the yellow yolk spilled down the side of the house.

"Baseball is clearly your calling," I laughed at him as he snickered at me and took another egg greedily from the cartoon.

We made pretty quick work of the eggs actually. In about two minutes we had thrown 3 dozen eggs and were complaining to Mitch that he should have brought more. They were splattered all around the side of the house, all the way to the top and in the far corners on the bottom. The four of us stepped back to look at our work, identical smirks on our faces.

I had to admit that I did feel a lot better. It was a better stress reliever than smoking. But I felt like it wouldn't be the best alternative, considering that eggs are expensive and I was pretty sure I couldn't go up to my neighbor and say, "Hey, I'm feeling a little stressed out right now, do you think I could throw these rotten eggs at your house? Oh, really? Thanks!"

"Damn guys, we gotta get out of here," Paul said in a rush. We all looked at him in sync as he jogged back to the car. I took off following him and so did the others.

Once we were breathing heavier and in the car we asked him why he had needed to get out of there in such a hurry. His response was quick and simple, "I forgot how much Emmett scares the hell out of me," he admitted sheepishly.

Jasper bonked him on the back of his head swiftly.

"Ow!" he complained rubbing the back of his head with a grumble and glare at Jasper.

"Well don't be an idiot!" Jasper responded in defense as we pulled into Mitch's mom's diner for lunch, since we still had the rest of the lunch period.

Later, after my classes were done and everyone bolted out of that school like a bullet, I grudgingly walked slowly over to where I knew Bella's homeroom was. It wasn't that far from mine, well, actually it was only three doors down from mine…

There were only a few students still lingering in the hallways and none of them had wheelchairs. I knew she had been at school because she was in my science class and she had been there. Being whispered about and pointed at but that was besides the point.

I looked down the other hallway and furrowed my eyebrows. _Maybe she had already left!_ I thought hopefully, but I knew that that was not the case unless God had decided that he liked me today.

"Oh Mr. Cullen, Bella is in the library right now," Mr. Oakland informed me as he brushed past me and headed towards the office.

Nope. God still didn't like me.

Eh, I didn't think so anyway, but it annoyed me that he had spoken with a hint of smugness in his voice, the kind that people think they imagine but then they think about it again and decide, nope, that was definitely smugness.

I nodded and turned towards the library, walking very slowly, hoping to prolong this inevitable meeting, "Better hurry up Mr. Cullen," Mr. Oakland called back at me. I squeezed my eyes shut while I gritted my teeth together and balled my hands into fists. I nodded tensely again before walking a little faster.

I found Bella pulled up to a table with three books spread out in front of her. She was wearing sunshine yellow pants with a white blouse and a scarf tied around her neck of the same material and color as the pants. Her natural brown hair with barely noticeable highlights was down. It was flipped out slightly, and I had to admit that she did look pretty.

Before I could dwell on that thought it was already out of my mind and I cleared my throat. Bella looked up at me after a moment. She smiled as she shut her book. I leaned against the doorway, crossing my arms over my chest. Bella didn't look at me as she put her books in her shoulder bag, or knapsack I guess it could be considered.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked her in a low mumble. She looked at me, he brown eyes sparkling as they took in my posture and tone of voice. Her thin eyebrows came together a little but she nodded.

I pushed myself off of the wall. I had no idea what I was expected to do, I mean I assumed I was going to push her, but she just set her bag on her lap and put her hands on the wheels and started to wheel forward and out past me into the hall. My eyebrows furrowed as I frowned. I didn't think this is what I was supposed to be doing.

Bella looked back at me, and I realized I was just standing there. I jogged over to catch up with her as we neared the exit. There weren't stairs at the front of the building, so it was flat and easy for her to go outside. I went ahead and held open the door as sunlight flooded in.

I cringed, not from the brightness outside, but rather the group of students that were hanging out, talking and laughing under the big oak tree. There was about twenty of them, all the guys except Martin were there, along with some football jocks along and the girlfriends or want-to-be's.

Bella wheeled herself out and I realized I didn't want to look like a jerk, even if it was just my friends watching. And I also had a feeling Mr. Oakland had nothing better to be doing than peering out his window to watch me, making sure I was actually doing as he told me too.

I grabbed the handles of her chair and started to walk while pushing it. Bella looked up at me but I was looking straight ahead and she just looked forward again. I wasn't surprised at how light she was, I mean, for one, she was on wheels. And two, I had already carried her and I knew she was not heavy.

"Hey Cullen! Looks like you got some baggage there man! I feel your pain!" Mitch yelled from where he was leaning at the side of the tree with his girlfriend. It was clear the two had been kissing because he had red lipstick smeared over his face.

"Wipe the make-up off your face, you jackass!" I yelled back, keeping my expression mild as I walked faster towards the road I needed to cross in order to get to Bella's home.

"I bet you feel great, being Cullen's charity case and all. Don't you Bella?" Remember, the want to be's that were hanging around. Remember Jessica? Yeah, she was the leader of that group. Bella, who had just been chuckling at my comment to Mitch suddenly stiffened at Jessica's snide comment. I rolled my eyes slowly and exasperatedly.

But what made that comment worse was the fact that everyone laughed along with her. I wasn't planning to marry Bella and spend the rest of my life with her or anything, but still, that was a little rude.

"Look at her, all high and mighty, being pushed home by the great Edward Cullen. She's not even close to his level," Jessica's little friend, who I had known since I was five but for the life of me could not remember her name, said sourly- oh! Yeah, her name was Cynthia. I remembered; we're good. Cynthia hissed sourly at Bella as we walked right past them.

"Just ignore them," I muttered quietly to Bella, feeling a little bad for her, knowing she wouldn't be getting this if I wasn't walking by her. But, I reasoned with myself, why should I feel bad? It wasn't my fault that I was here, I didn't choose to be here right now. It was thrust (rudely) upon me.

They continued their obnoxious jibes at her before we were finally out of their sight. High school kids were cruel, hell I should know, I was one of them. But Bella didn't seem to be that hung up on it.

"You don't have to push me, I can do it myself." She said quietly after we were well on our silent way. I was a little startled at the noise because my head had been in the clouds as I walked blindly forward, hearing the noises of the birds back from the south, but not registering really anything in my head.

I hadn't even realized I was pushing her; she was so light and my arms weren't strained at all.

"Its fine," I mumbled back, looking towards the row of houses we were going by to avoid her gaze on me as she turned.

I continued to walk towards the direction of the yellow house. My mind was already starting to drift. There was something soothing about the fresh spring air that made my mind wander randomly today. But then again, my mind randomly wandered in history too. Like last week I thought for the whole class period on how much I would hate to wear a skirt. Did you know guys had to wear them "back in the day"? But then, I started to think that they might be comfortable…

"How was your day?" she asked me cheerfully. I looked down at her, my eyebrows raised silently, but she wasn't facing me like I had expected her to be. I didn't know we were on the best talking terms. I mean, if you were in your wheelchair, would you just want to talk to the guy who recklessly broke it? Told you, she was happy, every second… minute… hour…

I wasn't planning to volunteer much information about it. "Fine." I said, knowing my use of adjectives was sorely lacking. I didn't feel like conversing much with her. I was still a little peeved about the guys and Jessica, and I was more comfortable in the silence. If anything it was kind of nice.

"Oh. Do you have psychology?" She asked me curiously. I made a type of face to myself, scrunching it up as my mouth opened a little while I shook my head to myself. _Why the hell did she care?_ I wondered to myself, but I knew the answer before I even asked the question… even though I asked the question to myself? And then…? Oh I can not start talking to myself.

"Yeah," I answered. I kind of hoped that she was getting the point with my one worded answers that I wasn't in the mood for conversation. Hell, I had no idea how anyone could possibly not get that point.

"I wanted to, but I couldn't get up to the classroom." She explained to me, and I wanted to point out that I hadn't asked but decided against that right before it slipped out of my mouth.

"That's too bad." There. _That was a three worded answer, and all you're going to get from me,_ I thought silently to her.

Thankfully she seemed to have gotten that and stopped her rambling. I thanked God silently; just because her voice wasn't high pitched and annoying doesn't mean it was something that I really wanted to listen to right after I got out of school.

We were still a good 15 to 20 minutes away from her house while my house was about five minutes away from that if I walked briskly, which I had every intention of doing.

"Do you mind if I read?" She angled her body to look up at me, her freckles accented by the bright sunshine. I looked at her pointedly, confused by the question at all. She explained further, "I meant I would feel bad if I was just reading while you were pushing me, because I'm not lazy. Are you sure you don't want me to wheel myself, because I can." This girl talked way too fast, and too much, come to think of it.

"Read," I shrugged in answer to her question, my steps not faltering. She smiled and nodded before digging a book out of her bag that was rested on her lap and opening it up to read.

It was clear that she was in the habit of reading for about an hour after school each day. And I really did not care. Seriously, I was glad she had suggested it, since that meant she wouldn't be talking to me. As mean as it sounded it was true, and you would agree if you were me. Well, a good solid 18% of you would.

After a little bit, I admitted to myself that this wasn't so bad. I mean it was kind of nice walking under the fine rows of oak trees as they gave off a sort of nice spring air scent. I mean I would still rather be at the diner hanging out with the guys, attracting everyone's attention that wasn't used to our rambunctious behavior… but this was nice too.

We continued, me walking and wheeling while she buried her nose in a large book. I scoffed. I would never understand how someone could be so utterly in love with books. They're so boring…

After about ten more minutes we were walking past the house directly to the left of her house, and I was relieved. I saw Emmett's red Chevy parked in the driveway as we came to the driveway. I was unsure what to do from here, I mean, was I suppose to take her inside?

The yellow house was oddly two stories, though I'm sure Bella had control of most of the ground level. It had white shutters and trimming, along with a white door. There were no stairs up to it; the house was on the sidewalk so Bella could just go in by herself. I knew there was a white porch with rocking chairs in the back as well. Martin and I had gone swimming in the stream behind her house when we were younger because it was the deepest part of it.

There was also a large garden in the back. It took up half of the right side of the backyard. Somebody liked gardening at that home, _H__mm..._, I thought to myself, maybe good old Emmett has a secret hobby that no one else had discovered yet. I laughed silently, the image of him planting pansy's pretty amusing.

And then, it seemed like every time I thought about him he seemed to appear. Very convenient.

"Bella, Cullen." Emmett said, alerting both of us to his presence as he walked from the other side of the house, wiping his hands with a stained rag.

"Hey Emmett," Bella smiled brightly at him, and he grinned with a wink back at her. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, and believe me, I was fighting. I also wondered why he was home so early, I mean, didn't that sort of defeat the purpose of me walking her home?

"Cullen, before you go, I'm sure you won't mind helping me wash the side of the house. I already have a rang and bucket of water for you." My eyes went wide as I looked at him, judging his bluff. He raised an eyebrow at me as he crossed his arms. _Yep, I believe him_, I decided quickly.

"Why?" Bella inquired curiously as I stepped away from her wheelchair, fighting the urge to just take off running with Hell's fury to my house. Probably wouldn't go over too well, but still. I had hoped I could weasel out of this.

"Bella you're in his lunch period. Was he eating there today?" My shoulders slumped. Mitch. Is an. Idiot.

Of course this would happen. I knew Martin and Cody were not the best cover up for four of us leaving but still, well, I didn't know. It was fun! And then Bella just happened to be in my lunch; convenience wasn't my friend either if you couldn't already tell.

Bella looked up at me and sighed, though I was positive that deeper in her eyes she was silently laughing at me. She shook her head and Emmett looked at me, his eyebrows raised expectantly.

My shoulder slumped down even more, and I let my hang back for second. I had gotten caught, and I wasn't allowed to rat the other guys out and make them come and scrub the side of the Swan's house with me.

"Where do you want me to start?" I asked, exasperated already.

Emmett smirked and he threw wet rag he had in one hand at me. I caught it instinctively and then dropped it, it was cold wet and coated with slime. What did he do sneeze in it?

"Oh sorry, I didn't ring the egg out of that one." Emmett smirked even wider before turning. I grimaced at it while Bella laughed at me.

Emmett called out from the other side of the house where he already was. "Cullen, the eggs are on this side of the house. Don't you remember?"

Damn.

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Chapter song: _Two is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls_

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**The whole story will be in EPOV for those who were wondering...****  
Yes, I'll explain why she's in a wheelchair and what happened  
So yeah, any more questions? Kay? Let me know! Love yas (:  
Review!**

**~Carmen**


	4. Flames of Self Loathing

**"It's about a summer love, and how, you kind of hold onto it. Whether you mean to or not..." ~Martin Johnson - Boys Like Girls**

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The next day was a Thursday; the worst day of the week in my opinion. I really hated them. I mean everyone hates Mondays, but I prefered to just get them over with. Tuesday's were whatever, Wednesday meant the week was half way over, and Thursday was just a taunting of the weekend just a day away.

I woke up late, and then after I was dressed I spilt juice on my shirt and had to go change, and then my hair was sticking…well, you know, when you just have that awful morning when you just want to burrow under the warm blankets? It was just one of those days for me.

Then to make the already bad Thursday worse after I walked into homeroom literally 10 seconds before the bell. Some of the students who had clearly heard about my job of walking Bella home in the room started to laugh.

I sat down in my regular seat as Mr. Lynn shut everyone up to take attendance. Paul was sitting behind me like normal, and I felt him kick my foot that had been resting peacefully on the floor. My eyes narrowed before I turned swiftly back to face him.

"Paul before you even start; don't. I'm having a god-awful already and yesterday Emmett caught me and made me scrub the side of his house, and let me tell you, those eggs of Mitch's? Yeah, after three hours they really stuck to that house and not to mention the smell…" I trailed off and then looked at him, pointedly, my look challenging him to say anything. He nodded and I turned back in my seat.

I wasn't deaf, I could hearing his chuckling, and could see in my mind an image of him about to combust from my little rant. I sulked, not at all pleased that my misery was amusing him.

"…so the point is that you need to think win, win in situations or arguements...everyone can be a winner." Gee. Sorry I missed the rest of _that_ little speech, I thought sarcastically to Mr. Lynn as he read through his notes.

Another reason I hated Thursdays was because that was the day we were expected to participate in team and social skill buildings, cooperation, and all that crap in homeroom. I promise that I learned this stuff when I was seven.

"Now, it says here that to work on social skills the girls are suppose to stand up," all the girls in the room looked up at him and he nodded before they grudgingly got up. I will say it was all of them because I didn't feel like ripping on Jessica. Mr. Lynn continued, "It says I'm supposed to give you these worksheets and girls, you are supposed to pick the male partner to work with you. Guys you can't say no. Be polite."

And that is how my day got so much worse without even beginning.

I slid deeply into my seat as Paul coughed into his sleeve, failing to disguise his laughter, but not in getting Jessica's attention. She looked over at us then nudged Cynthia and they ran, I really mean they sprinted over to where we were. If I was going down, I sure as hell was dragging Paul down with me.

"Hey Cullen," Jessica cooed as she sat down in the desk that was just so handyily next to me, being empty and all. My thoughts were very sarcastic today I noted.

"What do you want Jessica?" It was a stupid question but she was a stupid girl.

"We're going to be partners silly, _and remember,_ Mr. Lynn said you can't say no." Jessica giggled, batting her clumped eyelashes at me and chewing her bubble gum loudly with her red lips smacking.

"Mr. Lynn!" I called, getting his attention along with the rest of the classes. "Can I go like, jump off the roof? Please?" I begged, sending eyes over at Jessica to signal the reason for my wanted pain. She giggled flirtatiously as the room went silent. I looked at her, my head tilted and my face clear. I blinked a few times, how is someone seriously that dumb? I thought with real curiosity.

"Good Lord," Paul muttered from behind me in the silence. It was evident that he did hold a lot of sympathy for me; it was a refreshing change from the usual snide remarks and laughter.

"Better yet, can she just jump off the roof?" I questioned, he sighed and gave me a look. My eyes got larger at his annoyed and exasperated look, I held up my hands in an innocent gesture, as if to say what?

"As long as I can fall with you," she smiled at me like I was her first born child.

My face crumpled in misery as I put my arms on the desk and let my head fall on them with a thud. The rest of the class laughed.

Today was not my day at all.

After I ran out of homeroom, in fear of being chased by Jessica I had to sit and endure history, and Sid. Firstly in that class the teacher gave a surprise test about the pilgrims…if you understood why we were jumping from all these years and random dates then you are smarter then the average high school senior.

After the quiz that I was positive I had failed, we went to learn about the Trojan War. Don't even think about why we did, I've thought about it for many class periods and have come up with nothing. Apparently the war started when one guy, a prince, took this other guy's wife, and he was a king, and then, well they sent a bunch of guys out to kill each other.

If I hadn't been in such a foul mood I might have enjoyed this chapter in the book, wars were something that had interested me, there were so many things about them, it made you want to learn about the captains, the battles, the strategies, and what weapons they used.

I managed to get through my next two classes and lunch without much teasing from the other kids. I didn't know why they weren't all still laughing and pointing and I didn't care, as long as it had stopped. Though I knew it wouldn't have lasted forever, I knew because even if it wasn't something I was proud of people were intimidated by me. And they were probably waiting for my anger explosion.

"Come on, we're going to be late," Martin kicked my leg from under the lunch table. I nodded before unenthusiastically getting out of my chair and roughly grabbing my text books to follow him towards the building where we had psychology.

"So was yesterday really that bad?" Martin asked as we walked slowly outside to the building about ten feet away. I shrugged, running my hand through my hair as we continued to walk, starting our descent up the stairs all the while.

"What did you two talk about?" he asked. Martin was never one to pry, and therefore I wasn't really angry or even annoyed at him for doing so.

"Nothing," I replied honestly.

"Alright," he thought for a second, "what did you and Emmett talk about while you had your male bonding, scrubbing the rotten eggs?" I cracked a smile, and then chuckled. Conversation had not been my priority yesterday if you know what I mean.

"Oh, you know; all the chicks he has banged. We're really close now. He put me in his will also," I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm, but it was bitter, it was playful now. Martin burst out laughing after looking at me for a second.

We continued to walk slowly up the stairs, neither of us particularly excited for class. His chuckling died down and when I looked at him, he seemed to be internally debating something with himself.

"So, are you and your mom doing anything on Saturday?" He asked me cautiously. My steps faltered as I looked at him, he had stopped and was looking at me with regret.

Saturday was my father's 37th birthday.

It was one of the worst days of the year for me and her; it never got easier with each year passing. If anything it got worse, the pain and lose still felt so fresh, like a clean cut, the blooding still pouring freely.

"I know you are already having a bad day, you always have one this time of the year." I looked at him, blinking quickly a few times and then narrowing my eyes a little bit, "but please Edward, don't do anything stupid. Just call me if you need to, I'll go with whatever you do. But please," he stressed again, "don't do it alone."

I knew it was painful for him to say, it looked painful in his eyes. And I nodded slowly. Martin nodded after me and released his breath quietly before motioning for us to continue upstairs.

As I thought back I realized he was right, I always had a bad day when I regret even waking up the week of this anniversary. It just wasn't something I wanted to deal with. And I hoped Martin knew that I would most likely not call him, he was my best friend, but some things, you just can't share with others.

When he said he'd go with whatever I did, it meant that I did have a tendency to do something reckless. It was just to release some of the bottled up pain and feelings. Last year I had gone quarry diving.

Just outside of Cedar Springs was one of the largest quarry parks in the Midwest. There were cliffs so steep everywhere and they all hung over a large deep lake that had been there since the glaciers melted. It was dark and windy, the sun had set and a thunder storm was coming.

I had taken my mom's car and driven out there, hiking for over an hour until I reached the highest peek. I didn't think about it, I just jumped. I hadn't pushed off far enough from the ledge and I was almost killed. There was a ledge at the bottom and with the height and force of my jump if I would have hit it I would have died. And I was only about a foot away from it.

The rain started the second I splashed into the cold, icy waters that had just melted over from the winter. It was so cold that it felt like I had instantly frozen. But all I did was look up at the rain with wonder, it had just happened to start the second I jumped.

Before I could do much I realized that if I didn't get out of the water in about two seconds I could be killed by the harsh rains, the freezing water and the strong current. Luckily I was a strong swimmer and was able to climb on to the ledge that had almost killed me.

I went to where I had left my red flannel blanket and change of black jeans and waited the storm out under a large willow tree. Surprisingly I was able to warm up and not freeze. It was dawn and I had fallen asleep by the time the storm passed. I hiked back to where my mom's car had been parked and drove back so she wouldn't worry when she saw it wasn't there.

The only person I had told that to was Martin and he frowned deeply when I described the rush of adrenaline and the feeling of the wind whipping past your face. He told me I could have killed myself, and that was all. Of course later we laughed about it and he told me we had to go, we made plans but they fell through.

Admittedly throughout my next few classes until the end of the day I was planning something. I wasn't going to call Martin or anyone else, but I was considering my safety this time, I still had my whole life to live in front of me. And I was also thinking about my mom, that day would be the _worst_ day of the year for me to injure myself or worse.

As soon as the bell rang I slipped out of math as quickly as possible and walked in a rush to my locker, the kids moving out of my way, and the freshman especially darting.

When I reached my locker I groaned loudly. James Goldman was crumpling some paper up and shoving it in there while digging intensely for something.

"Ah, Cullen, my man!" He explained, clamping me on the back as a greeting, I shoved his hand off my shoulder. James was one of those guys who thought he was popular; he slicked his greasy blonde hair back with globs of gel and wore the same leather jacket everyday. I swear most times of the day he seemed drunk, but no, he was sober. I'm not saying that he hadn't gotten busted for drinking more than once though…

"What's this I hear about you going soft? I mean, come on, work with me here, Bella Swan?" He ignored my obvious body language, and annoyed scowl and continued on like we were old comrades.

Which we were most certainly _not_.

"I was a little surprised the guys even let you sit with them today at the table. I mean if I were them I would have kicked you out. Your reputation is gone now, you big softie." I growled lowly, my horrible day starts with Jessica and ends with James, this is just fantastic. He was leaning against his locker casually his arms crossed cockily over his chest.

"Hey," he defended, holding his hands out in defense and shaking them, "I get your pain, I really do. And hopefully you'll be lucky and Sid will let you sit next to him at lunch." And with that he walked off like a disgusting duck, quacking with laughter. I made the duck comparison because he really sounded like one most of the time.

I brooded off to the library, not having to push through the students because, well, there was like six still left in the school. People really did clear out fast, now more then usually because of the nicer spring weather that we hadn't seen, now coming back.

Bella was at the same table that I had found her at yesterday, the boring oak one with simple wooden chairs on the edge of it. I waited impatiently at the doorway until she looked up at me and smiled. It slowly faded a bit as she saw I was very angry, James had been trying to provoke me and it had worked, just like he wanted it to. I hated that guy almost as much as Jessica.

Hurrying Bella put her books into her knapsack. Today she was wearing a white blouse and flowing white poodle skirt type of thing…? I wasn't sure. She shrugged on her jean jacket before wheeling over to me, she didn't stop but instead she just went past. I sighed angrily and followed her, frowning like a scolded child.

When we got outside I grabbed her handles and she dropped her hands from the wheels. Luckily there wasn't a group of them hanging around the tree like yesterday. James words just kept running through my head, along with his stupid laugh that I just couldn't shake off, as much as I desperately needed to.

We had only made it a few minutes into the walk or whatever you want to call it and I was thanking God that Bella had decided not to start conversation today. I knew my tolerance level was at an extreme low today from all of the garbage that I've had thrown at me, figuratively of course.

But no, Bella Swan was not one to be quiet. Ever.

"So did you have a good day?" It wasn't her fault, really I didn't blame her. I had grown used to her genuine friendliness over the years, but she was just the person who I had to release my frustration and anger on over the day.

My temper was another thing that I was not entirely proud of, and I was not happy about the fact that I snapped at Bella. Really I wasn't but she was, like I said, the person who got the short stick in this case.

"No, thank you I had an awful day. I got a lot crap all through the day from everyone who I walked by. Let's see, I failed a social test and got assigned about a 100 problems in math. James Goldman pounced on me at my locker. Jessica hung all over me in homeroom. And everyone was pointing at me, thinking that I couldn't hear them, while laughing and whispering! It was ridiculous and they were laughing at me because of you! Do you know what that's like?" I exploded at her. I had stopped walking and she was facing me, her face listening to mine, understanding until the last part.

"Yes Edward," I was taken aback by my first name softly coming off of her lips, softly and full of perspective, "I do know what that's like most days." She looked down and then turned her body facing forward, sitting up straightly and bringing her hand up to her face.

As soon as she said this I felt instantly guilty and was about to apologize but I was at a lose of words. In truth, I had no idea how I was suppose to say sorry for something that I had just slipped out without taking into consideration the person I was talking to. So instead I just sighed quietly the anger from before vanished as I continued to walk. We didn't speak anymore.

Friday was very much the same.

Woke up; tried to go back to bed. Was really woken up by the old lady we lived by as she screeched at her cat (good morning to you too Ms. Ruhland) I wasn't sure if it was her live cat or the one that got hit by a truck two months ago. Finally got to school; ignored Jessica. Endured Sid. Learned what I already knew, I failed my social test. Went to the rest of my classes. Restrained myself from beating James with his cocky smirk. And then walked Bella home in utter silence; which I was guilty for.

Ah. Friday's; how I love to hate you, I thought bitterly as I fell asleep that night.

When I woke up the sun was streaming in through the window. It was a normal day to everyone else. It didn't take me a long time to remember what today was. I shrank back into my bed when I did though.

Listening quietly I could hear light footsteps padding up and coming closer to my room. My mom peaked quietly in. She was tired and her hair was pulled into a pony tail resting of her neck, something she rarely, ever did. I could tell she had been crying already.

"I'm going right now. Do you want to go with me?" She asked quietly. I closed my eyes for a second. I knew she meant she was going to the grave, but I didn't think I could go with her. The last time we were together at his grave was his funeral, she always asked me to go with her. But I always gave her the same answer.

"You go ahead, I'll go later." Mom nodded before slipping out the door and going down the stairs much quicker than she came. She was in a hurry to go see Dad.

Esme, or mom, lingered at the cemetery for a couple hours. After I had gotten up for the day I dug in my closest for the box of things I had of Carlisle's. The man I called Dad.

Some said we needed to move on, the grief period was over and it was time to let go and go on with life. We had been going on with life, but the gried period would never be over. When you lose someone...it was nearly impossible to explain. People will die and others will grieve for them and eventually move on. But it was not possible when the person you lost was the best man in the world, one who had so much to give life and did some many things for some many people. I would never move on, and neither would my mother.

Most people have dealt with grief from death at one point in their life; a friend, parent, sibling or cousins, aunts, and uncles. There were only a few who haven't dealt with that feeling of loss. Hearing that they were gone, feeling that shock when it finally set in that you were never going to see them again.

In some ways my thoughts still hadn't fully wrapped around it, and my belief in God was not that strong. I was Catholic yeah, but not devout, after dad died I left most of the church behind. I hoped I would see him again in another life, possible Heaven. But that nagging yet soft question was always echoing in my head, _what if you don't?_

In truth Emmett scared me physically, but no pain to your body can compare to the pain and hurt of losing someone you love. You shed so many tears over them, and when you think about them you know they want you to remember them with smiles and not tears, but you can never stop the hurt.

My thoughts were of him most of the day, I ate his favorite meal; moms grilled chicken with sour kraut. It sounded disgusting and it was until I realized it was a way to hang onto him. It's another thing people do when they lose someone; cling to anything that ties them to the person.

Late in the afternoon I decided I had to go now. I silently walked downstairs and took mom's car key, she nodded at me. She was perched on the sofa, photo albums and journals around her. The two of us never spoke today. It was so intensely private even though we shared close bonds.

The drive for me was silent. I had rolled down the windows, just to feel the wind on my face. When I pulled into the cemetery just on the edge of town, where most of the city was buried once they died. There were no cars where we were supposed to park and so I was happy.

It was nearing dusk. The sun was lowering slowly over the horizon. There was a couple of trees planted here and here, surrounded by the headstones. I walked to the big willow tree. The cemetery never let it overgrow but it was very private because we had buried him there with reason. The cemetery wasn't allowing anyone else under it.

It was like a wall of leaves that ended about two and a half feet above the ground. The grass was cut freshly and there stood a black grainite stone. Standing prominantly.

_Carlisle Cullen  
1923-1954  
Lover of life, medicine, laughter and happiness.  
Beloved father, husband, uncle and friend._

I knelt down, the glows of the setting sun flowing in some cracks through the privacy of the leaves. They casted lines the shape of the leaves on the stone.

My throat closed up as I talked to him. I always pushed the thought that he was mere feet under my body. He was right there, so close but millions of light years away. It was a hard concept, much like many other things to grasp. And so I didn't try.

"I still miss you dad. But life's cruel. I know I need to grow up and be the man you want. But I just don't see that happening," I laughed bitterly with no humor as I dropped the tiger lily that I had cut from mom's garden onto the grass by the stone.

"What's done has been done. But I'll never forget the man you were," I said in parting with the space as I rocked on my heels and stood up. The sun had mostly set now. It always felt wrong to leave him there, but I did it again. I walked off with the last little amounts of light, not looking to the willow tree and holding in my tears.

Once I was in my car I just sat there as dark engulfed me. The shallow sound of my breathing was the only thing to be heard. It grew more and more labored until I was gripping the steering wheel. I banged it sharply, missing the horn.

"Life isn't fair." I mumbled loudly harshly, closing my eyes and running one hand through my hair. Before I knew where I was going I was driving out farther away from the town. It wasn't too far actually because most of the road was a circle. I stopped when I pulled into the old abandoned barn.

No one had lived in it for as long as I could remember. There was a little old country house, built probably during World War I. Then there was a barn and all the other abandoned things that a place like this would have. I of course was in the dark and couldn't see much.

I got out of the car and walked in the direction of the old shed. The wood had seen a lot of damage and there was no door on its hinges. Only a few scrapes of white paint still remained on the worn gray wooding.

There was nothing inside, I could tell from a glance. There was nothing but hay. I walked numbly towards it. I wasn't doing anything life threatening just like I had promised Martin. I somehow felt compelled to do this though. Not to prove anything but just because it was pulling me towards it.

I felt the match in my pocket. I took it out, my eyes already having adjusted to the lack of light. Without much thought I struck it against the rough surface and a flame popped up, eating the thin amount of wood greedily. I tossed it on the floor of the shed through the open door and in seconds it was sucking in the dry hay on the floor.

Taking a few steps back I watched silently as the light grew and the flames slowly started to spread. I shoved my hands into my pocket, before glancing up at the sky. Maybe Dad was looking down now, seeing a light and then seeing me next to it. He wouldn't be happy, I thought grimly, but then again, there probably was nothing up there.

The woods started to pop as sparks flew up from the inside. A wall of bright orange and yellow waves climbed around the inside of the shed, hungrily consuming more and more. I knew my thinking was unjustified and my sanity was a little too far gone but I was mad that this shed had still been here, unused and forgotten while my father was gone, off the face of the Earth still missed and thought of.

It seemed crazy to me now, but I couldn't help my anger that was so bottled up. The anger of growing up alone, the anger of turning to smoking, the anger of not being a good kid. All these things that I have done seemed so easy to place blame on for like everyone else did; he didn't have a father, and he can be a little rebellious.

I hated it. I hated that I wasn't someone that either of my parents were proud of. I had done a lot of things in the past years. Things that I didn't want to face. I wish I could erase myself, and let go of all the stuff, thoughts, and things I had said or done. But I wasn't planning on forgiving myself too soon. Because I didn't deserve forgiveness.

The angrier I got, the more pain I felt started to consume me much like the flames devouring the old wood. The entire inside was now filled to the top with fire and the light and the heat was extreme. But I didn't move. I just stood there, tears running slowly down my face. I made no move to stop them.

I knew the source of my anger. And that source had made me what I was today, that one vile thing, spiraled my life downward.

I continued to watch before I heard a noise over the fire. I turned slowly to my right, to numb to care who it was. It was Martin; he had on his red flannel shirt and tight black jeans. He was wearing his glasses, walking slowly towards me with his hands in his pocket like my own.

Martin didn't say anything as he looked at me and I looked at him. My face was red from the heat of the fire and the trails of my tears had started to dry, most likely leaving stains.

Cautiously he continued to step towards me until he was only a yard away. I sighed; my breath got caught in my throat, causing me to frown deeply as the tears started again. I was embarrassed that he had found me crying, but if I had been blushing he wouldn't have seen.

Closing the distance he held his hand out to me and I took it. Martin pulled me in and wrapped his other arm around my back as I wrapped my arm around his back. He didn't say anything and didn't move as a pathetic sob ripped fiercely through my body. He supported me tightly with his hand as I held onto his back.

Martin was a friend that no one has now a days. The one who will stand by you and let you to lean on them when needed and you aren't embarrassed because you know you can trust them with anything. The ones who didn't think helping a friend made them uncomfortable. Those friends were so rare to have, and I had never been more thankful for him in my life.

We stood their, him silent and unmoving but comforting me while I cried as the old shed burnt down to ashes. The light gone.

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**Chapter song**: _What I've Done by Linkin Park_

_Sidenote: Kay, so what it's cliche sue me. But this song fit perfectlyish and just because all of the rest of fanfiction, quite literally abuses this song and makes tons of crap stories focused on it, doesn't mean I can't use it._

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**AN: I now have chapter songs...I updated the first three chapters so they have ones too  
I will put a playlist on my website _2carm2carm2 . weebly . com_ (no www)  
Check out my poll and let me know, will yah?**

**And lastly, it's my birthday today (wooh!), so send me some love?  
Let me know your all out there? Kay? Maybe...? Thinking about it?  
Well the button is just a click away (:**

**~Carmen**


	5. Rules Are Set

**Go to 2carm2carm2(DOT)weebly(DOT)com - no www  
I just posted two one-shots they're under the "New Stories" tab  
(:**

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Monday was just another day. No one liked it; everyone was grumpy from the weekend being over. But today I was particularly happy for this Monday. I was leaving behind the grief and pain, burying it until next year. And that was just fine with me.

I arrived in homeroom on time, pleasantly surprised that everyone was tired and not speaking too much. Jessica included. I took my seat in front of Paul who was passed out in sleep, his mouth wide open and snoring lightly. I smirked before lifting my world history book from my own desk and dropping it sharply on his.

"1.73205081!" Paul exclaimed loudly, waking up and sitting up straight in a flash. Everyone who was remotely awake chuckled as Paul wiped his mouth groggily.

"Whoa, I had no idea you knew the square root of pi," I said sarcastically. He gave me a confused look.

"That's pi? I thought that was this girl's number I met on Friday. Oh damn." He sighed. I raised an eyebrow. There was a reason math wasn't his exact strong point and it had been his idea to give Ms. Anderson's room a little paint job. But then again, _no_ classes were really his strong point.

"Sorry for the rejection," I said bitingly though the smirk was still on my face. He sneered at me before putting his head back down on his desk. A few moments later the bell rung cheerily.

"Oh for the love of God!" Paul groaned loudly, pushing himself up to glare towards the door where the bell was located.

"I'm sure the bell is sorry to disrupt your sleeping schedule, Paul," Mr. Lynn said offhandedly as he walked in through the door. Paul sassed him, and once more went back to sleep.

I was glad that Paul was going about like normal. I wasn't sure it was on purpose or maybe he had just forgot what I had going on this weekend. But nevertheless I was thankful for his normal ways. I mean normal in the sense that they were normal for him by the way…

I hadn't gotten in trouble for burning down that old shed on Saturday night. No one had seen anything except for Martin but it was only because Martin lived on the top floor of his house and he could see something in the distance. That was what I assumed anyway. Maybe he was just stalking me.

As glad as I was for Martin being there that night didn't mean I wasn't embarrassed about it now. I doubted Martin would say anything to anyone about it, or even me. But still I was not entirely proud that I had just broken down like it. But that was one thing I could let go of.

I was late to biology and Ms. Wilson didn't even care. She just went to her desk and marked me tardy not making any comments like most teachers do. I was thankful because those got old fairly quick. Sliding into my seat next to Martin I dropped my books with a thud on the ground and started the test that I hadn't realized we had.

Once I finished that we switched the tests between partners. Martin had a bunch of different answers than I did. So it was either he failed or I failed. I was fairly confident I was going to be the one who failed this considering he seemed to know what binary fission was…

"You so failed this," he muttered under his breath. I glared un-angrily at him. He looked up and grinned. Unlucky for me it hadn't been a multiple choice question so I was flying blindly here.

"Mitch is suggesting the diner after school, you in?" He asked while Ms. Wilson wrote the correct answers on the black board. Like I had guessed Martin wasn't planning on bringing it up.

I was about to answer yes without a second thought but then I stopped and frowned. "I can't, I have to walk her _Highness_ home." I sighed rolling my eyes, annoyed.

"I thought that was only till the end of the week?" Martin asked in confusion.

"End of the school year," I corrected with a scowl. He looked at me, his lips forming up before pressing into a tight line while he shook with silent laughter. I kicked his stool, glaring once more at him.

Shaking his head at me he got in control of his amusement. I narrowed my eyes once more and that set him off laughing again. I am _so_ glad he finally realized my punishment, I thought. Just so glad.

I walked Bella home again, just like I had been told. She tried to start some conversation, but her choice of course was the science test that I had gotten 5 wrong on. Now, that probably wouldn't be bad... you know a solid B at least…but this test had 8 questions on it.

And you could imagine my _joy_ that Bella happened to have that class with me. And she of course knew pretty much everything about bacteria and viruses. I just decided to ignore her and finally she stopped talking, but I felt a little bad after because she didn't even take her book out to read.

The next day she tried in vain to start another conversation. The guilt I had from not discussing the national debt with her from the previous day had long gone and it wasn't too hard to block her ramblings out. Eventually she stopped again. You really don't appreciate silence until you actually have it.

I wasn't trying to be a jerk like I was to Jessica or anything. Bella wasn't too annoying. If I started to actually want to talk to her then she would most likely be interesting. But like I said before, I wasn't exactly thrilled to be in the predicament…if you know what I mean.

This particular day Emmett was already at their house when we finally arrived in silence. He was taking some various things out of his truck. It looked like bags of dirt and other gardening things. Maybe my theory about Emmett gardening wasn't as farfetched as it sounded in my…yeah, I changed my mind, it still sounds like it.

"Oh, you're home." Bella smiled brightly at him. He grinned back at her, something amused him and she shook her head slightly when he looked at her. Oh, I thought in slight annoyance, they were one of _those_ families that had their own secret silent language. Those were so irritating.

"We're home," I confirmed awkwardly, shifting my feet and not directly looking at him.

"Yes, yes you are," Emmett nodded while he crossed his arms over his chest…again. It seemed to just be his natural pose. But I still couldn't help but wonder why he couldn't have just a little friendlier stance…

"I should be getting home." I said uncomfortably as he continued to stare me down. Bella wheeled herself over by him and if I had been paying attention I would have seen the apologetic glance she was giving me.

"I think that would be best," Emmett agreed with me, nodding once more as I turned on my heels to abruptly make a run for it. Though I did restrain myself and walked slowly. I had only gone like four feet when I heard Bella talking.

"That was mean Emmett ," she giggled softly, turning to swat him as he leaned down so his face was by hers while he pushed her slowly.

"I think my point came across very clearly," Emmett said with a chuckle as she laughed more. The scene kind of looked cute from my angle.

"I don't think you could have been clearer if you would have brought a giant grizzly bear out." I shuddered and sped up my walking. Bears, that wasn't a good subject. They were up there with my list of things that scared the hell out of me.

Just as I was nearing my house I stopped my steps and begin to think.

Wait. What point was he making?

Maybe he could have been just _a little bit_ clearer, without the extent of a bear of course. Though I wasn't entirely sure what that had anything to do with that conversation.

The next day was very much the same as Monday and Wednesday was boring repeat as well. Though people seemed to be a little more awake now. It had been a week since I had broken Bella's wheelchair and people were on to the next new thing.

Of course being high school students, they, -me being one of them- sucked in any form of rumor and blew it way out of proportion. Today it wasn't me and Stella it was Mr. Owen my history teacher and Ms. Anderson my math teacher. All the kids had come up with different versions.

There was: Mr. Owen went into her room when she saw the graffiti and she fell crying into his arms. Umm, let's see, oh, there was the two had got together last year after they chaperoned the spring dance and had been keeping it a secret since then. Oh! And my personal favorite, one student caught them with Ms. Anderson on Mr. Owens's desk and she was topless.

Now, Ms. Anderson was about fifty and looked like she weighed about 190 pounds and Mr. Owen was about thirty with large wire glasses and a nasal problem. That is exactly why I found the whole thing so amusing.

But aside from the new wave of gossip Thursday was also different because I had the pleasure of another encounter with James. I don't know what was with this guy but I always felt so irritated around him. Not to mention the biting sarcasm that was always in my head when near him.

"Cullen!" He yelled over the crowd of students as we all were released from class. I didn't turn but instead pretended not to have even heard him at all. Everyone's tried to do it at one point and if it worked for you, congratulations. Because it sure as hell never did for me.

"Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?" James asked as he caught up to me in the spot out lockers were. I looked at him and just shook my head before opening up my locker.

"I wanted to know who you're taking to the spring dance." He asked. Well no, come to think of it, he really _didn't_ ask he just kind of said it in a way that was a demand for me to tell him.

I shrugged. I knew I didn't even plan on going but Mitch or Paul probably had a scheme in mind and I would be expected to drag along…again.

"You going to ask Jessica?" he elbowed me. I couldn't help the grimace that spread through my face of disgust. Mitch and Paul would never make…okay…Mitch…well no…_Martin_ would never make me go with and have to take her.

"Score!" James pumped his fist excitedly as I shook my head in answer to his question. I knew they would make a very cute couple, his duck laughter and her gum smacking lips. And to think, if they got married and had children. Oh they would be just adorable…

God, I thought in annoyance. It's the sarcasm again!

"What you going to do, ask Swan?" He smirked at me. Leaning against his locker much like he always did. I gave him a look before slamming my locker shut. James jumped at that but chuckled anyway.

"James, would it kill you to ever call people by their first names?" I asked him in exasperation, finally speaking. Not that he noticed.

"Since when did you change your first name from Cullen?" He laughed while clamping me on the shoulder like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard in his life. "What'd you do? Change it to like Edwin? Lame man," he continued to laugh while I stared at him.

How do you go to school with someone for 13 years and not know what their first name was? I'll admit I did have that moment but I remembered Cynthia's name in like 7 seconds. James on the other hand honestly thought my last name that everyone called me by was my first. I didn't know how it was possible that he was in a higher math class than me.

"No, not Edwin. Goldman," I corrected him, only _slightly_ amused by the situation.

"That's my last name man. You see, it's _James_ Goldman." I scoffed as he stressed the words out to me. No sarcasm was in his voice at all, and that troubled me deeply. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, and my last name is Cullen," I continued with the original point I had been trying to start with from the beginning.

"No it's not." He shook his head, looking so amused by my denial. By this time I had already gotten my locker shut and all the stuff I needed in my hands. I didn't have time for this.

"Yes. It is." I stressed to him, raising my eyebrow at him, telling him if he disagreed with me once this conversation was over indefinitely.

James' looked so befuddled by my insistence. "Then what's your first name?"

I dropped my head back exasperatedly before I looked at him and shook my head. By now the hallways were mostly cleared and I just stalked off, leaving him there without an answer and even more confusion. I wasn't sorry that I had to be away from anyone whose IQ is less than a walnut. And not even a large walnut. More like a teeny, tiny, little walnut. And now I was insulting walnuts.

The library wasn't far of a walk from where I was and I found Bella in her normal spot. I wonder how long she waited there for me each day, I thought idly as she looked at me and gathered her books. I didn't get the normal cheerful smile that I was use to.

Yellow was her color I noticed. Well recently I guessed. She was wearing a light yellow dress that had wide shoulders but was actually considerably tight around her top area. There were little red patterns dancing around on it, though it was subtle. She wheeled herself outside like she normally did though I never really understood why.

I grabbed her handles lazily and started to push the rubber padded wheels against the side walk, the sound resulting as a satisfying whoosh.

Bella was being oddly quiet. Something I had hoped for for the past week. Still it was weird. And it was also quite unexpected. I walked longer before I found this silence wasn't as peaceful, it was nerving.

"What?" I said getting her attention. She looked up at me, careful not to leak any emotion. "I don't even get a how was your day?" I asked her in mockery, though I was aware of how sour and sarcastic it had sounded. I wasn't sure I liked that voice with me…unless I was talking to James…or Mitch….and Paul…oh and Jasper…yeah well you can get that point.

Bella's freckles were becoming more prominent throughout the course of the sun being out. And those little subtle golden specks accented her bright brown eyes that were honestly the color of warm, melted chocolate. And not in that over exaggerated way that most people used, her eyes were really nice.

Still, as I silently admired her freckles (something I didn't really realize I was doing until later) she sat in silence, facing forward once more, ignoring my question. I frowned, was I really getting the cold shoulder from Bella Swan? That just did not seem right.

A few minutes later Bella hadn't said anything and I was still frowning. I didn't want to ask what was bothering her because then I would have to listen, not something that I wanted to do. But still, did she have to act so coldly to me?

Finally after the isolating silence-of course today there wouldn't be birds chriping or Ms. Banner's other cat getting get or any type of sound- Bella cleared her throat but didn't glance back at him.

"You know you don't have to walk me home. I didn't mind when Emmett picked me up late." She muttered softly her head declined towards her folded hands. She couldn't see it but I raised an eyebrow. I didn't mind either I wanted to answer but instead I thought of most likely a better answer.

"I'll get in trouble." I answered because it was true. Some way or another I would get blamed for this. Hell I bet Emmett would probably accuse me of threatening her or something like that.

"I will talk to Emmett." Bella said quietly, still not looking back at me. Really? I asked sarcastically…and silently of course. Like all my sarcastic thoughts…okay. Most of them.

It would be great if she could talk to him and get me out of this. I could go back to the diner with the guys or hanging under the school's giant oak tree, or a bunch of other things. Just as I was about to say that my mom's face flashed through my mind, I silently groaned.

"No, I will get in trouble with my mom." I said, but there was very little conviction in my voice. Bella could hear it as well I guessed. It was because I wasn't in drama/acting for a reason... if you know what I mean.

"Maybe I can talk to Emmett and he will talk to your mom." Bella prattled off. Was I really that bad of company? I mean I know we didn't really talk but she read most of the time while getting a fresh spring walk out of it. That wasn't that bad of a trade. Honestly I was a little offended by her need to get rid of me.

"Not worth it." I muttered shaking my head back and forth, and it wasn't.

"I think it might be." Bella said in a whisper that I probably wasn't supposed to hear. But I did. And I wasn't one of those people who ignored confrontation most of the time it was fairly easy for me.

"Why?" I asked her, my done sharper and snapping than I had intended it to come out.

"Because you don't want to be here. And I make you uncomfortable. Despite what Emmett thinks, I do enjoy reading some days at the library." She was finally facing me. I didn't fail to notice that she did say some days. But I had forgotten about it the second she was finished and I was thinking of a response.

"You don't make me uncomfortable." And it was true. Most of the time she didn't.

"Then why wouldn't you talk to me. I'm a verbal person, if you don't want to even acknowledge my presence then I would much prefer to be in the library." I was a little offended. I did acknowledge her presence; why else would I be here at all? And I did talk to her.

As I silently walked I knew I couldn't convince myself that I really did talk to her. I didn't even greet her, she knew it and I knew it as well. There was no use in trying to make myself look better in my own mind. That really was good for nothing, and what Bella was basically telling me was she thought that I was a jerk.

But I knew she wasn't going to say those words flat out because she could only say them in her Bella language. Where she cushioned everything and didn't really want to make you feel down. This was the worst I'd ever her say to anyone, myself included in that group.

"Fine." I answered shortly. She turned once more to look at me. She tucked her hair behind her ear nervous probably about my reaction though I had tried to keep my bitter emotion out of my tone. She squinted because we were walking with our backs to the sun.

"Fine?" She questioned softly, her once annoyed exterior had melted so quickly. Though she did have every right to be annoyed with me. It was so weird, I had never seen Bella angry once in my life. I wasn't even over exaggerating for effect it was completely true.

"You win," I told her flatly as she continued to gaze at me. I averted my gaze away, the whole eye to eye soul connection garbage made me uncomfortable. But I didn't fail to see her look that told me that in most arguments she was used to winning. I was now one of the many losers.

"You're saying you'll actually talk to me?" I was fairly certain there was a hint of sarcasm in her voice but I wasn't sure. I mean, Bella being annoyed and then sarcastic? Not to be mean but that just wasn't something that happened everyday. It was just, well, strange.

I nodded without looking back at her. I was afraid she would be beaming and clapping. But I was relieved that there was no clapping. When I finally looked back at her she was just looking at me, though she did seem a little happy. I decided this was when she was giving me the time to set rules.

If I was wrong with that interpretation…well…those rules needed to be set anyway.

And so that's what I did.

"I will talk to you but I am setting limits to where any conversation may go, or rather where it won't go. Okay?" She didn't seem surprise at what I was saying so I assumed I had read the signs right.

Bella nodded and gestured for me to continue. I was about to before I stopped to think for a moment about what those rules may entitle.

"Okay, you can't talk about my grades, or classes." She raised an eyebrow at me and was opening her mouth to protest before I stopped her by continuing, "they are _my_ classes and _my_ grades. They are not your business." She nodded.

"We don't talk about my future or my past. I don't know what my plan is after I graduate so don't bother asking, and I will ignore you flatly if you wish to speak of the past, mine in particular." Bella nodded once her eyes were a little concerned though. I on the other hand was a little proud, I was taking control and she was listening. I felt more, I don't know, older, masculine?

"Any things that I may do, any tardy events or anything I may have done, along with anything that I say when we were in school is not something I want to discuss with you, so don't bother with that either." Those were the main ones that had came to my head. I mean I didn't need her preaching me a Goddamn sermon every time we talked about my future and all that garbage.

"Do you have anything?" I asked her after a moment of silence in which I checked all the points off in my head. I was satisfied with my list.

"Nope, I'm good." She didn't face me but I could hear a small smile in her voice. I thought about this for a moment. She may not have said anything but I assumed it was an unspoken rule to not talk about the things she could never do. Like to run, or hop, and walk.

I hoped I wouldn't slip on that.

* * *

**Chapter song:** Halfway Gone by Lifehouse

* * *

**Gee, I just realized how boring this story has been so far...  
I guess I suck at the cliffie's...but aren't you sorta glad?  
Trust me; none of you will be able to predict how this story will end.**

**Hang with me, this will be a story you will not forget.  
Emmett's character will develope eventuall along with Jasper's.  
Any guesses of what's gonna happen?  
Leave me some love? Mmm, kay?**

**~Carmen**


	6. Manners

**Thanks to my Beta jkrowlingrox!  
You're pretty effing amazing.**

* * *

A couple days after me and Bella agreed to start actually talking it was mid April already. The sun was coming out at an alarming rate and I was basking in its light after the cold Michigan winter. They were already saying next winter would be colder. Great.

It was Monday and thankfully Jessica had not gone to school today. There were already rumors about that subject. I would be lying if I said I didn't take part in a few of the tales. But, well, I didn't feel bad. I especially didn't feel bad after the rumor that the two of us had hooked up. Of course she had started that.

Bella had been picked up by Emmett on Thursday and Friday because he had taken off early for some reason that I didn't know. Nor did I really bother to find out. But the point was I hadn't talked to her and I was slightly nervous to do so.

I went to the library to find her; it was quickly becoming a routine of mine. Go to math, somewhat attempt to learn… at least enough to pass the test… go deal with James, and then go to the library after everyone was already gone.

"Hi Edward," she greeted me the second I stepped foot through the door. I smiled a little at her, amused by her enthusiasm. She was wearing her overalls again today with a little purple shirt under them. Her hair was down but the edges were pulled back to the back of her head and her bangs hung down.

"Ready to go?" I asked her after nodding in acknowledgement to her greeting. She nodded and wheeled herself past me. If we were going to be talking then I would ask why she only wheeled herself to the outside. It wasn't a big deal it just slightly confused me.

We walked a little ways in silence. The sun was so bright today. There was a warm breeze to compliment it nicely.

"So," Bella started out awkwardly. I silently chuckled at the way she approached it. I didn't say anything, amused at how she squirmed a little. "What's your favorite color?" she finished lamely.

"Depends," I answered, equally as lame.

"On what, the day?" She asked, looking at me. I was noticing how the sun accented her eyes, they were so incredibly bright. But I didn't stare at them. So from the little glances I have seen they were very bright.

"Sometimes. On Monday's I like gray." I answered, elaborating while I was at it. If the subject was going to stay on colors, well, I was fine with that.

"How very cheerful of you." She commented sarcastically, but her sarcasm was light and more teasing. So unlike Mitch's biting remarks.

I looked down at her. She was still looking up at me. There was some expectant look on her face. I then realized she most likely assumed I would ask her a question in return. And I could do that.

"What's your favorite color?" Oh yeah. I could do this alright.

My inner voice was mocking me. My question couldn't have been lamer if I had intended it to be. Maybe this wasn't going to be that easy. But I did remind myself that this could be easy if I just kept the questions simple and she did as well. After the guide I set of what we could and couldn't talk about she shouldn't expect too much.

"I like pinks and yellows, the colors of flowers." She answered and it didn't really surprise me. Of course she likes flowers…why wouldn't she? She's Bella Swan.

"What's your favorite food?" She asked me after about a minute of silence. She had adjusted so that she was facing me comfortably…well it didn't look that comfortable but she wasn't craning her neck to see me now.

"Anything other than the cafeteria's food." I muttered under my breath. Their food was disgusting. I mean, honestly, was a meat galosh? I would like to think it was Swedish but Cody was convinced it was of the Irish origin.

Bella laughed quietly, so I guess she found it funny. I chuckled a little. It was only slightly amusing but I wasn't laughing at her. I think.

"It is quite disgusting isn't it?" She said. I was almost amazed that Bella had a dislike for anything.

"Martin threw his taco at the side of the building on Wednesday and it splattered apart. Some of the wall turned purple." I told her, shaking my head with quiet laughter. I was pretty sure that taco was still there, there was no way even the most desperate animals would eat it.

"Why did he-" she asked in bemusement. I cut her off, knowing the question and saving her the breath it would waste to ask it.

"I don't know," I shook my head once more as she giggled. I tilted my head to the side and raised an eyebrow at her. She had a different laughter and a giggle.

Smiling she asked, "What?" Her smile wasn't as annoying as I thought it would be.

"Nothing," I shook my head slowly and noticed we were only a couple minutes from her house.

We walked a grand total of 20 seconds before she found another subject to prattle on about. Dutifully I listened as she talked about her favorite book. I had actually heard of it; I was in an English Literature class for the last quarter of school. I normally just got the reading notes from someone who read the book.

In a couple minutes she finished explaining to me in detail the book she was talking about. Like I said, I knew it, but it would have been so much more helpful if she would have done that about 4 months ago. I had to write an essay about it then. I got a D.

"Is your girlfriend doing okay?" She inquired curiously, not missing a beat to fill the silence. I looked down at her in surprise; she wasn't teasing me or anything she was merely asking. What girlfriend was _she_ talking about?

"My girlfriend?" I asked weakly. I had a shrinking feeling I knew the name she was about to say. Though I hoped that some other random girl, any other girl's name would be said expect for-

"Jessica Stanley." Yeah. _Anyone_ but her. Hell I would rather Jasper be my girlfriend verses her.

"I have no idea how she is doing. I don't care. She's not my girlfriend nor will she ever, ever while God's green Earth still stands be." Damn, I thought suddenly after I finished my short little rant, if Bella thinks she's my girlfriend then half of the school thinks I'm dating her. I groaned.

"A little extreme," Bella commented lightly, biting her lip in entertainment of my problem.

"No, it's not. You've met her! She's a fat, annoying chipmunk! And you've seen the way she chews her gum, it drives me insane!" I exclaimed in frustration though I'm sure I looked comical. No, not sure, I'm positive I looked a little crazed.

"A chipmunk? I would have called her something more in the lines of a duck." Bella said quietly before her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with her hand. A soft red blush was coating her skin as she looked down in embarrassment.

I blinked a few times before bursting out laughing. It was hilarious to me that she thought Jessica was a duck. That was the exact same comparison I had made with James. And they both were ducks! This brought me back to my original point I had thought about a week ago, the two would make an adorable couple.

Bella laughed quietly along with me when we arrived at her house. I hadn't even noticed my mom's car parked on the road. But I did notice Emmett's truck parked in the driveway.

Our laughter had died down and ended with amused sighs just as Emmett appeared from the side of the house, his jeans had dirt on the knees and his gray t-shirt worn down. I was surprised to see my mom following right behind, her caramel hair pulled in a twist at the top of her head. She was wearing jeans pulled up past her belly-button and a yellow blouse.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" I asked her while Bella greeted Emmett. She had on her gardening gloves and looked warm from the sun.

"Helping Emmett with his gardening," my mom teased him as he laughed and she elbowed him. I wasn't smiling; instead I was giving her a confused look, though slightly disgusted. Only slightly though.

"Esme it's so good to see you again!" Bella exclaimed. My mom beamed at her as she walked over to give her a crouched down hug. I hadn't realized Bella was a fan of my mom.

"How are you my dear?" She smiled brightly at her, tucking some hair behind Bella's ear for her. Bella looked so joyful, like a kid on Christmas morning. But then again she never really seemed sad.

"I'm doing great, the sun is so nice to have out again…"And the two of them started to talk like women at a book club. I didn't like the answer I had gotten from her and was irritated by that. Emmett just stood there knowingly, rolling his eyes as the two gushed on.

"I'm glad you're filling your commitment Cullen." Emmett said after a moment more listening to them talk about daisies.

I just nodded, having no clue what to say to that. It wasn't really that I had a choice; I knew he would beat me up if I didn't. Well, okay, I didn't know but I did have a sinking feeling.

"It's beautiful! You made so many delicate perfect choices. Breathtaking really," I looked over at my mom. Emmett was freaking me out a little. Bella was beaming while my mom spoke with over animation. I had no insight what they were talking about…still.

"Thank you so much for your help. Emmett needs a woman to order him to do all that stuff." Emmett looked at her with one eyebrow raised, quite comically really while Bella just rolled her eyes and my mom assured her it was no problem.

Finally that nagging in my mind got the best of me. I stood there with my arms crossed over my chest, irritated that they were ignoring me. "What are you talking about?"

Bella laughed, covering her mouth politely to muffle them. Emmett shifted his weight, amused but being more silent. And my mom, she was just biting down on her lip, mildly entertained.

I huffed.

"You'll see eventually." Bella said with a smile at me, her straight white teeth shining at me. I just shrugged and asked my mom if she would be giving me a ride home. I got into her car after she answered me and she followed shortly after.

"That was a little rude Hon," she said quietly while waving at the two retreating forms and putting the car in drive.

"What?" I asked in innocent exasperation. I really hadn't done anything to upset anyone.

Our house was only about a mile away from their house. The oak trees passed by in a whirl. It had rained this morning. You could still smell the wet cement, refreshingly so. The green leaves had grown back like did every spring. I preferred spring over fall. There were a lot of acorns from all the various trees around and they were just annoying.

"You just stalked off." Esme pointed out to me. I rolled my eyes and waved my hand in dismissal. I didn't think she was going to have this conversation. Honestly the etiquette conversation hasn't come into play for a few months.

I sighed, already fed up with this conversation and snapped at her, "I didn't think I needed to walk her home while engage in polite conversation, then stand awkwardly around Emmett while you guys talked about something and didn't bother to enlighten me and _then_ exchange cheerful goodbyes. In case you haven't noticed, you guys didn't exactly give me a rule book."

My mom didn't say anything else as we pulled into the driveway. I got out of the car and shut the door, not startled by the noise it made. I had been expecting it. I walked in before my mom and could have sworn I heard her mutter something under her breath.

I couldn't be sure but it sounded like, "I wish I could be proud of his manners." But it also could have been "A fish would be loud for the Tanner's." Now, seeing as how we didn't know any Tanner's –or at least that I knew of- it was fairly safe for me to assume it was the first one.

That comment didn't faze me. There were a lot of things that she wished she could be proud of about me. But I wasn't that son, nor did I ever plan to be. I had accepted that awhile ago, but I though she was still hanging onto to that hope, though I had no idea why.

That next day Martin and I were walking down the hallway, late to our last class, English Literature. Unfortunately for us our teacher couldn't get her head out of those boring classics. And as a result, the rest of the class suffered.

We were almost to the classroom. We had been talking about Mitch's girlfriend, someone none of us could stand. She was bad. Not Jessica bad, mind you, but she was up there. All she talked about was herself and what she planned to do after high school. Apparently she had been accepted to a beauty school I had silently laughed as she went on about that; I hoped she dyed her hair purple.

Bella had just wheeled out of the Health room. She went quietly to her locker and looked over the deserted hallway at us. The red lockers were glaring with the white and black checkered floor. She smiled at me. Martin nudged me right as we got to where she was.

"Good Afternoon Bella," Martin greeted her slickly with the smoothness of silk. I scowled at him as he smirked innocently at me. Bella didn't see the gesture because she was opening her locker and grabbing a book.

When she looked back up she was looking at me expectantly. I inclined both of my eyebrows merely, silently asking what she wanted. "Hello Edward." Fighting back a large and most likely overly dramatic sigh I simply rolled my eyes. She was the only person other than my mother who called me by my first name. Hell Emmett called me Cullen.

"See you later," I nodded stiffly before shoving Martin forward and walking to our class. Martin snickered right after she disappeared back into the Health room.

"Edward," he continued to snicker and jeer at me. He was mocking her high voice and batting his eyelashes at me.

"Shut up." I slapped him on the back of the head hard and opened up the door to the classroom before he could really complain. I was smirking as the teacher chided us.

"Martin, do you have problem with your head? Perhaps you would like to go to the nurse, you can talk to Mr. Oakland about you tardy record while you are in the area." I coughed into my sleeve to hide my even wider amused smirk. Martin answered her while we slid into our table towards the back of the room.

Don't you just love the times you don't get in trouble? I know I did.

Martin was still muttering profanities by the time we were dismissed. I was laughing at him as we parted. He shoved me in the direction of where James was and all the amusement I had from the last period drained like a bird being shot from the sky. It was that sudden.

"Cullen," he nodded at me as I went as quickly as possible putting my stuff away in the locker. It was a rare day with no homework for me.

"_Goldman_," I nodded back to him like we were friends he was about to correct me and tell me his name again most likely but I interrupted, "Jessica's clothes were stolen in Gym class, she had to borrow a tiny shirt. Her jugs are large, trust me man. Maybe she's still here if you want to catch a peak."

I looked back into my locker then shut it to find the space next to me empty. I grinned when I saw him running frantically down the hall. When he ran into a kid I had such a huge laughing fit that I was hunched over with tears in my eyes. I made the note to do more things like that. The responses were quick; immediate.

While I began my walk down to the library, slightly disgusted with myself for what I had said. I may not be a gentleman but really? What guy –aside from James- would rush to stare at a girl's body? I was also a little appalled because I definitely didn't want to see Jessica's chest.

Boy would he be disappointed.

Creep.

I followed the rest of my routine and started my walk with Bella to her house. I was hoping not to find my mother at their house today. It was just weird.

"So do I want to know in the slightest why James was running through the hallways and shoved Sid down?"

That made my day.

"It was Sid?" I asked with a laugh. That was just too funny. I hadn't seen who it was but I wished I had. Bella nodded, amused by my immature laughing.

"You avoided my question." She pointed out after I sighed, signaling that I had finished my laughing fit yet again.

"I don't want to answer; it will ruin my gentleman illusion I have going on." I teased; I could feel Bella rolling her eyes. The mid April sun was nice and I was getting warm from it but I just felt happy today.

"In case you haven't noticed you ruined that illusion when you were 8." She said sarcastically. I chuckled. I was pretty sure it had been at least 13…

"Dammit…" I sighed in mock disappointment. Bella turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. Oh. I realized my slip, but really, did that offend her so much? That began to panic me, what if she did care that much, then Emmett was going to beat the hell out of me for ruining her pure hearing. Dammit, dammit.

"I err…mean dang it?" I tried lamely. Her other eyebrow rose and she was looking very pointedly at me.

"I heard what you said you know." She said. I couldn't pin point an emotion in her voice or her eyes. And I was like George Washington at how good I was at reading people. Or was it…I thought in confusion. You know maybe it wasn't good ol' Georgie…but I had no idea who was a good historical comparison of someone who was smart and good and telling people's emotions.

"Well, umm, does it _really_ bother you?" I asked in a hint of desperation, still convinced as soon as she told her brother I would be in a wheelchair also. And _that_ would not work with me.

Bella simply narrowed her eyes at me, a look of sternness dancing in the pretty orbs.

"Okay, please don't tell your brother. I'll behave I swear but I have to take graduation picture's soon and I don't want to look and tell my kids 'Hey Justine look here at my senior pictures_, _oh that _black eye?_ _Oh_ and the bloody lip? _No_, I'm not missing a tooth? _What is it then?_ A bad photograph…' that will just not be good. I mean can you imagine the embarrassment? Because-" I was just about to continue with my desperate, frantic and quite pathetic rant/plea before she cut me off when she started laughing.

"Kay. I don't really care it was just fun to see you squirming."

I growled and narrowed my eyes dangerously at hers. The innocent chipper tone in her voice had snapped me and sent irritation down my body. Bella continued to giggle before controlling herself and smiling at me like nothing was wrong. I swear it was like a halo and wings were attached to her.

"Justine?"

I lifted the front wheels of her chair and set them down abruptly. She laughed at the annoyed bounce while I scowled.

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Chapter song: Set Fire to the Third Bar by Snow Patrol

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**Saints or Colts?  
Ehh. I'm not watching.  
Is it even the Colts? Damn, now I sound too girlish...**

**Check out my profile and website. I really don't have much to say...  
...seriously...  
Thinking about a update within a few days cause this chapter was boring.  
Sends reviews and its a guarantee (:**

**~Carmen**


	7. The Science Project

**Thanks JKRowlingrox, you're a doll (:**

* * *

Later that week, the last of April, Jasper was hanging out with me before class started on the large rock where the kids smoked. There was a bit of chill but nothing that would require a jacket; I simply was wearing a gray t-shirt.

"So how's the Bella charity case going for you my man?" Jasper asked with a bit of a grin. I squinted at him a little bit. Something inside of me got defensive. It had been going quite well actually, though I hated his term for it. She was interesting and easy to talk to; I enjoyed it. Though I was convinced I was just making lemonade from lemons.

"I wouldn't call her a charity case," I commented mildly, noticing that I hadn't answered his question in the slightest.

Jasper rolled his eyes while tapping his cigarette. I watched a puff of smoke blow out of his mouth before I followed in suit. The rock was just a large boulder that had a couple ledges around it and was flat on the top; it was about six feet tall. Jasper was sitting on the top and I was leaning standing up.

"Her clothes are ridiculous…" he muttered though I think I was supposed to hear it. I rolled my eyes in irritation. Well, they were, but I wasn't going to be the one to say that.

"You still with what's her name?" I asked him, changing the subject abruptly before I hit him.

"Emily?" Jasper asked disgustedly with his face twisted up. I took that as a good solid no. _Good_, I thought pleasantly,_ I didn't like her at all anyways_.

"She's long gone, and I don't plan on going back, not at all. On top of being whiny and way too flirtatious she's bad in the sack." Jasper complained and just I laughed, knowing that I could have told him that just by looking at her.

Jasper had blonde hair that curled, which he hated. I remembered in 9th grade when he shaved it off to a buzz cut like Emmett. Now _that_ was funny. He grew it back immediately after realizing that he didn't have the bulk like the oldest Swan brother. I chuckled at the memory.

"Dammit, looks like we gotta go. Ms. Wilson will kill me if I'm late again." Jasper jumped from the rock, after frantically looking at the last few students flowing into the school. He put out his cigarette and dashed across the bright green grass on his way to the second brick building. I rolled my eyes while putting my own out before grabbing my books and making my way to the first building.

Only Ms. Wilson would be able to actually get Jasper to be on time to class. That's one of the reasons I liked her. I still hated biology, don't question that, but I didn't mind her as a teacher. It was a good job for her.

Mr. Lynn walked in right after I did. He commented disinterestedly that I was on time for once. I sneered when he wasn't looking. I don't know why all teachers exaggerated my tardiness. I really wasn't as late as they made me seem. It was mildly irritating.

Paul walked in five minutes after me and the bell had rung. I waited. Of course Mr. Lynn didn't even glance in Paul's direction! It was unbelievable! Paul smirked and me and took his spot right in front of me before turning to face me. He chuckled at my annoyance.

"Some guys just walk in the light," Paul leered at me. I kicked his ankle while rolling my eyes. Paul was not one of those guys who 'walked in the light' despite what he thought.

"Hey we're going out to the cemetery tonight, Cody snagged some beer." The guys went out drinking or smoking at the cemetery quite often. It happened less during the winter but it was well on the way to summer now, so they had been out a couple times already.

"I gotta bail on that one," I shrugged at him while thinking of an excuse. I was game for smoking but I really did not drink. No one really knew it, well Martin did, but that was beside the point. They all just assumed I drank as often as they did.

"Your reason?" Paul asked me one of his eyebrows raised.

"My mom is still freaked about the whole Bella thing, so I'm not 'allowed' to go out until next week," said, pouring enough fake exasperation with my mother into my voice. Paul laughed and slapped my shoulder before someone else got his attention and he faced forward.

I went to my first class and got a good nap in during the talk about the discovery of Antarctica and then went to biology with Martin. We were talking about heredity and reproduction. That was some pretty fun stuff.

"Ms. Wilson why are we learning about this stuff? I mean, who cares if you got your foot size from your great uncles sister?" Martin complained loudly towards the end of class. The kids around the room laughed and his whining.

The room was decoration with a lot of jars of things and dead animals. It was kind of creepy when she made me sit next to the white stuffed owl with its wings out. I swear sometimes it blinked. Bella on the other hand, who was across the room, had to sit near the stuffed beaver and insects.

The whole room was a cluttered mess… but it was still actually organized. It was weird because when you first walked in, it looked so messy but she actually had a place for everything. It helped that all of her counters were oak with black tops unlike the other science teachers who got the random assortments in their classrooms.

"Well Martin, if I didn't teach you this stuff I would get fired," she said simply, perching on her desk in the front of the room. She wasn't lecturing or anything, in fact I could see a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. "You're not going to use any of this stuff in life; you really think you need to know the normal temperature of pond water? You don't. None of the stuff you learned in science over the years will have any impact on your life."

We all just started at her before she laughed and added, "Except sexual reproduction and precautions. Remember that." All the girls blushed and looked down at their hands while the guys laughed and nodded at each other like guys do. Martin and I bumped fists and we nodded at each other with a smirk.

"Now back to heredity…the red hair trait is a recessive….." from that I just drowned her out. She had said we would never use it in life, so I took that as confirmation that I could just ignore the rest of this lecture. So did Martin, so we started talking, quietly though because Ms. Wilson was giving us some looks.

The bell rang but before I could dart out the door with Martin, Ms. Wilson stopped me, "Cullen, Swan, I need to see the two of you." I groaned and slumped back in my stool while Martin chuckled at me and flooded through the door along with the rest of the mob that was my class.

Bella wheeled to her desk expectantly, though I couldn't help but notice that she looked confused too.

Ms. Wilson looked at me with her eyebrow raised, my mouth fell open and my eyes got bigger, "What?" I asked her knowing full well how whiny my voice sounded. "I didn't do anything! Martin started it!"

My teacher rolled her eyes and sighed, "I wasn't going to talk to you about your rude talking habits, though it is nice to know that you would so easily place the blame on your friend." I felt my cheeks heat up just the littlest and looked down immediately.

"No, actually I need to talk to both of you for the same reason and it would be polite if you would come and join us up here instead of sulking in the back of my classroom by Steven. Yes, I named my owl, now get up here." Oh. Steven. Okay now that's just really weird I noted as I grudgingly stood up and trudged to the front of the room where they were and away from... Steven.

I would miss Steven.

"Cullen, you know you're getting a D in this class, right?" That was a great way to start a conversation with any teacher. I just shrugged. I hadn't known for sure but it wasn't hard to guess.

"Bella you are getting an A- in this class right now." Bella smiled and nodded. Today she was in a knee length red skirt and white blouse and her hair was pulled up and twisted with little braids. It looked kind of cute on her.

"Even though we still have another 6 weeks left of school the teachers have to enter our final grades at the end of the week so all the work can be submitted. Are either of you interested in raising your grades?" She questioned as she folded her hands together and crossed her ankles. It was beyond me why Bella would need to raise her grade.

"I guess," I mumbled while Bella answered, "Okay." We were both confused why she was talking to the two of us and not the rest of the class.

"I mean Cullen you need a higher grade. I've seen your other class grades they are all above C's and Bella if you got your grade higher you would have straight A+'s."

We each nodded and waited for her to continue.

"The section that hurt your grades the most was Pond Life, so if you two could work together and do a project or lab that includes an essay and carefully gathered data I will raise your grades to a B and an A+. I can give you that for your final grade but you do have to sign a form saying you will complete the project by the end of the summer. Given the circumstances I think that is more than a fair amount of time."

I looked at Bella once Ms. Wilson had finished talking and she was looking at me. I thought slowly about what she had said. There was no way I could be able to raise my grade in the next three days and I thought I could do this. Bella seemed to be thinking the same thing, though I did not share in her confidence.

Then I realized that Bella would want her good grade, and if we were partners then she would be doing at least half of the work. Maybe, I thought craftily, if I agreed to this I could convince Bella to do most of the work. I grinned to myself and then let it fall so neither of them could guess what I was thinking.

"I can do that, where do I sign?"

"I hoped you say that Mr. Cullen. Bella my dear, what do you think?" Ms. Wilson smiled happily at me before turning to Bella. There was no way I was doing this if she wasn't. No way in hell.

"Sure, I can do that as well." I breathed out a sigh of relief as Ms. Wilson smiled even wider and dug through her desk till she pulled out a white sheet that had been typed with her type writer.

"You have until August 29th. I will be in school getting my classroom ready for the next bunch of rude kids who think they're cool and don't have to listen to me." Bella laughed quietly and I rolled my eyes at the jibe directed at me.

I stood up and went to her desk and sign on her little line, not bothering to even glance at it. Bella wheeled closer and then signed it as well. I left the classroom almost pleased with myself. Bella would do most of the work and my grade would be raised because of it.

Why couldn't all my teachers think like Ms. Wilson?

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully. Martin wondered why I had been called to stay but was gracious enough to not bring it up around the guys. They wouldn't let me off without knowing and then I would have to listen to their goading.

I was walking with Martin at the end of the day to the door by the library. We laughed mischievously as we parted and Bella raised an eyebrow at me but didn't say anything. She was quiet and somewhat thoughtful as we started to walk down the familiar pathway.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked tentatively without turning to face me like she often did when we spoke. I replied telling her she could, though there was some rightfully placed warning in my tone.

"Why do you associate with those guys who are so much trouble?" Bella asked me curiously. Her voice wasn't judging but I still didn't like the questioning tone in it. It made me uneasy.

"It's not just them. I'm trouble too," I told her, feeling like she was judging though she did try to stay indifferent.

"I just don't know how you trust them, since they don't seem like the best of people to surround yourself with, especially Mitch and Martin-" I cut her off angrily before she could continue.

"You have no right to say that," I snapped, "Those other guys may not seem like they're good Bible readers like you, but Martin is a true friend, and despite what you think I am capable of knowing what is best for myself. Martin is a good guy." I wished that I could walk away now, like most people did, and end the conversation but that was not possible, which just added more anger to my blood.

"I was just saying that-" Clearly she didn't understand that the discussion was done.

"You were making an uninformed judgment based on your prejudice against anyone who does not fall into your strict guidelines of a good person." I snapped at her once more, heavily irritated that she felt so superior that she could look down on people like that. And Martin! She knew nothing about him or how he had helped me.

"I'm so sorry, you are right. I know I shouldn't said that. But sometimes I can't help myself, I just want what's best for everyone and I have been trying to learn to shut up…" she sighed brokenly, her breath getting caught in her throat. I froze. She still hadn't looked at me and I had a hunch she was crying now. I closed my eyes before I stopped walking and went to kneel on in front of her. The feeling of the rough, unmoving cement met my knee.

"Hey, it's okay. No harm done," I tilted her chin to look at me; her eyes were brighter from the tears that were threatening to leak out. My anger mostly dissolved by witnessing her remorse.

"Martin's a good guy. Just give him a shot. Okay?" She swallowed and nodded with a small movement of her head. I had no idea that my lecturing would push her so close to tears. I didn't really like that feeling at all, I realized as I awkwardly touched her knee and stood back up to walk behind her again.

"So any plans for our project?" I asked her after I couldn't take the tense silence any longer. I had lasted about 22 seconds, but I was uncomfortable being in uncomfortable situations. _Because that made sense_ I thought sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

My diversion worked well and she started to talk excitedly about her ideas, using her hands animatedly to express her mind. I was thankful that she seemed to have already forgotten about my snap. If there was one thing guys didn't do, it was girls with tears.

That came out wrong.

No pun intended. Seriously.

Soon we were at her house and I was not even truly surprised to see my mother's car in their driveway again. I still had no idea why she was here, but the more perverted side of my mind told me that everyone had needs and I didn't want to know. But that was only the perverted side.

"Kids! I just made some lemonade! Would you like a glass?" My mom was standing in the front door, looking as lovely as ever. I just nodded and pushed Bella towards that direction, thinking how it was slightly weird that I was being invited to linger at the Swan's house by my mother.

And I was a little irritated at being referred to as a kid.

Esme came out the front door with three glasses full of sweet yellow liquid and Emmett followed behind her with one glass and a plate of brownies that I had smelled my mom baking yesterday.

We exchanged pleasantries while I chugged down half of my lemonade and ate two brownies. Emmett was asking Bella what was going on in school; a routine I assumed.

"Oh! I knew I liked Ms. Wilson! She always seemed like a reasonable and likable woman. This seems like a great idea!" My mother seemed so enthused by the idea of our project. _Well,_ I thought blankly, _that made one of the Cullens excited about the idea._

"What did you say it had to be about?" Emmett asked her. What surprised me- well, nothing about their family really surprised me anymore, but still- was that he seemed genuinely curious about some dumb high school biology project about pond water and its surroundings. It sounded sure as hell boring to me.

Bella answered him, totally in her element talking about school like it was God's gift to the world. I sighed, slightly amused by my thoughts- in her opinion it probably _was_.

"The only problem is I don't know where to locate a pond! It could be a lake too, but I'm not sure where the best one is that we could research without being interrupted or out studies disturbed." Bella said. I just rolled my eyes. Of course.

My mom looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I gave her a pointed look, silently reminding her that we were not one of those families that did that silent language crap, so I had no idea what she meant.

The contradiction of those two statements went way over my head.

"You really didn't even think about it?" She asked me in curiousness, though I had absolutely no clue what she could be talking about. I didn't really think about a lot of things. I shook my head in answer.

I took another drink of my lemonade, enjoying the feeling of the cold liquid rushing down my throat and the bittersweet taste that it left in my mouth. I reached out for another brownie and ate that before taking another drink.

"Why don't you do go to the cabin? We haven't been there in awhile but that lake would be perfect, you could even make it a little vacation if you wanted to," my mom explained to me and I stiffened.

I had completely forgotten we had a cabin, or cottage, or lakeside home; however you wanted to refer to it as.

It was Southeast of Cedar Springs, a good hour and a half drive if the traffic wasn't too bad. We used to spend part of every summer there when my dad was alive. My mom and I hadn't gone back there for a while. Last summer we went for a weekend, but I had no interest and she didn't like being away from her work, and it made her uneasy there without her husband.

It was a white little cabin, with a front porch half the size of the house with a roof on top and no railing. The house itself had wooden flooring and a kitchen in the far left corner when you walked in. In the closest left corner was the very comfortable couch and two arm chairs along with a coffee table that was made of the same wood as the floor.

We had our record player in the right corner closest to the porch and front door with a shelf of the records we didn't listen to as often and felt we could leave there. On the far right corner was a little white table and four chairs on each side of it. Mom had always decorated using some of the wild flowers that grew around the house.

There was only one bedroom. In between the record player area and the table was a small hallway with three doors. On the left was the bedroom, and then the bathroom was on the right along with a closet where we kept games and blankets.

Directly facing the porch was the lake. It was huge, but it wasn't small either. We had some grass land and then there was a beach that was about 15 feet from the grass to where the water was, and that ran on for about 60 feet. We had bonfires there sometimes.

And then we had a wooden dock that stretched out about 30 feet into the water. The few trees were mostly scattered around the house, so there weren't really any near the water, so I couldn't have a tire swing when I was a kid. On the side of the house was a garden of wildflowers that mom loved to see bloom.

We only had one neighbor and he and his wife lived down farther, not invading our space. He took care of the place when we weren't there. It felt like forever since I was there.

"I had forgotten," I said dryly after the memories of that place assaulted my mind fiercely.

"I think it would be perfect, you two must go. I can go with if you like." My mom offered hopefully as she began to grow more excited, "Oh I would love to see that garden again. But there's only one bed…perhaps Edward and I could share that while…no I wouldn't make Bella sleep on the couch, maybe she could have the bed, I'll take the couch and Edward can have the floor. We really should have designed for more company but at the time…." My mom just continued to ramble on before Emmett had the chance to tell her to stop.

"Sounds good," Bella smiled at my mom's excitement.

"Yeah, it'll be a blast," I muttered before chugging down the rest of my drink.

* * *

**Chapter song**: Whataya Want From Me by Adam Lambert

* * *

**Hmmmm...wonder how that'll work out for them...(:  
**

**Haha, topic of the day: The Vancouver Olympics.  
What do you guys think?  
I'm pretty pumped by watching them...(:**

**~Carmen**

**P.S. Hope Valentines Day was amazing? Anyone do anything uberly fantastic?**


	8. New Girl

**Thanks to my amazing beta jkrowlingrox! (:**

* * *

"No, I don't care what you say, that book made no sense. Heathcliff was a sore loser and Catherine was spoiled," I said in heavy disagreement. I don't know how it had happened but somehow Bella and I had gotten into a heated discussion about Wuthering Heights. She was a fan; I, on the other hand was not. This was a book I actually did read for class, somewhat at least.

"How can you say that? It did so make sense, to the people who did more than skim it." Bella snapped back at me annoyance. I smirked a little; it was amusing to watch her get irritated.

"I did actually read it thank you very much. All of the characters are stupid and selfish. And how do you actually stand reading their weird language? The word thou just makes me shudder," I retorted, not really surprised I was talking about this with her. Nothing about her surprised me any more.

"Wow, I'm shocked Edward, you used the word shudder in a proper sentence," she responded sarcastically turning to face me, her own eyes sparking with amusement as well.

"I fail to see why that shocks you considering the fact that I am standing here, discussing a novel intelligently with you." I said smoothly.

"Calling a character a sore loser and complaining it makes no sense hardly counts as intelligently," She answered back, still thinking this argument was funny, which I had to admit, it sort of was.

"Why not? I'm pretty sure that when I know the character's names and use the word shudder along with observing the fact that they use thou a lot in the book, that it counts as an intelligent, informed statement." I stopped right after I said that… wait… _what_?

"Touché." Bella nodded at me, with a little bit more respect, or maybe she was laughing silently at my defensiveness. Whatever it was I still stood a little straighter up, knowing that I had won and was satisfied.

"But that's just one book, I mean I bet you have no clue who even wrote Pride and Prejudice, or Moby Dick, or oh! The Adventures of Huckleberry Fin…" I frowned as she rattled off books that I was supposed to read in my class but had opted to skip and get notes.

"No. Just stop. Let me enjoy my moment," I told her seriously. She looked up at me, her eyes shining as her lips turned up in the slightest and she nodded, looking quite entertained with my statement.

The next day the whole school was abuzz. Apparently there was a new girl coming to school, a senior. I was curious but not buzzing with as much excitement as everyone else. If she was ugly no one would give her a second glance but for most of the guys, the girls here were getting repetitive and it would be nice for a change in scenery.

Martin and I were at the smoking rock before school, we were the only ones there this morning and it was peaceful. Martin had heard about the new girl; her name was Alice Brandon, she moved in a couple houses down from him. Apparently she was very short but had a bubbly feeling to her; he didn't go into her appearance because he didn't know much about it.

We looked over to the main buildings to see a girl coming towards us. She looked about five feet…give or take a few inches. Her hair went past her ears and flipped up lightly, it was a very dark brown or possibly black. As she came closer to us I could see her pretty blue eyes and happy features.

She was hot.

The girl was wearing a jean jacket over a white blouse along with tight jean capris that accented her blue eyes. She was carrying a white sheet of paper and nothing else in her hands, but smiling brightly at us.

"Hi, I'm Alice Brandon," she said cheerily as she finally reached us.

"Martin," Martin smiled at her, smoothly shaking her hand, she looked at me expectantly. I muttered my first name and then shook her hand; her energy was nice… but odd.

"You two looked refreshing, I've been followed around by um… a James… Sid… Mike... and Jessica I think it was," she seemed to think thoughtfully about each of the names before shuddering a little bit. I chuckled while Martin smirked at the names.

"Sid's harmless, annoying and smart but not really a social light." I told her matter of factually. Martin nodded.

"Mike will probably be following you around like a puppy dog, he's persistent but not your worst problem. James on the other hand is creep and I would try to avoid him and do nothing to lead him on." Alice's bright blue eyes took in this information seriously and nodded, then looked back at me. She was really pretty.

"And Jessica. Just don't. Leave it. Avoid her like the Spanish influenza of 1918, trust me." I told her, widening my eyes to get my point across, she giggled before jumping lightly up onto a ledge and then hopping to the top next to where I was.

"So is that your schedule?" I asked her curiously, knowing I really liked her from the first second I saw her, she nodded. "Here, let me see it." She handed the folded paper over to me.

"Hmm, you have Ms. Wilson for homeroom; she's not bad, I'm sure she'll love you." I grinned crookedly at her, making her grin back at me. "First period, Mr. Owen, you'll hate the class but I'm in that one too… along with Sid, but still. Second, oh you have Ms. Wilson again; Martin and I are both in that one."

"And no Sid," Martin added with a grin towards her. I frowned slightly, clearly I wasn't the only one who already liked her, "oh you get to meet Bella too, and something tells me you will love her." Well _B__ella_ would love her, I thought while rolling my eyes.

I found out that Alice had our lunch as well. "And after lunch you have Math with… hmm Ms. Anderson, Jasper and Cody are in that class. And then your last class you have English literature with us again."

"Cool," she smiled genuinely. I handed her back her paper. "Well that looks like the bell, would either of you mind showing me Ms. Wilson's room?"

"I will," I volunteered quickly.

"Sure," Martin said just as I finished, I smirked at him and he frowned. I hopped down from the rock and offered Alice my hand. She took it and hopped off lightly.

Alice and I walked off towards the first building leaving Martin annoyed and sulking slowly behind us. I put my arm around her shoulder as we entered the crowd of people; she looked up at me, slightly confused but didn't move my arm.

"Trust me; nobody will bother you with me around." I said lowly and close to her ear. She had been a quizzical eyebrow before shrugging and following my lead.

We reached her room in a few minutes. I was surprised that Jasper was already in his counter along with most of the students… along with all the other students… I guess Ms. Wilson didn't tolerate anyone late, I thought with a shrug. I liked her but was sure as hell glad I didn't get into her homeroom.

"Ah, Ms. Brandon, they told me you would be coming." Ms. Wilson smiled at her and came to shake her hand. I looked at Jasper who was looking at me and then her in confusion. "Kay, Cullen you can take your arm off of her, I didn't know you were an escort service now." Some of the class laughed at her, I rolled my eyes in annoyance while dropping my arm.

"Alice you can sit right over there," she pointed to the counter directly in front of Jasper's, Cody's girlfriend Shari was sitting there smiling at her, Alice grinned back at her while she walked towards them.

"We don't normally have assigned seating but Mr. Cool Daddy over there can't seem to play nice with all the other kids." The rest of the kids laughed at Jasper. I watched in amazement as Jasper looked down and blushed lightly instead of just smirking.

I knew I wouldn't be the only one.

"Cullen. You really can leave. Steven won't hurt her." Oh Steven.

I rolled my eyes again and turned to leave, my classroom was just a few down from hers. Paul was sitting there was I slid in literally two seconds before the bell. Mr. Lynn rolled his eyes exasperatedly and waved his hand for me to go and sit. I grinned smugly while going to sit in front of Paul.

"Hey man," he poked me with his pencil the second I was sitting down. I turned and gave him an annoyed look but waiting for him to continue you anyway, "Who was the chick you were with? She was hot."

"Her name is Alice, she's new here," I said to him, hoping to convey dibs in some way. Paul was totally oblivious.

"I wonder if I have any classes with her…" Paul said, plotting already. I sighed.

"You have math with her. But she seems smart; I bet she'll be moved to someone else's class, someone higher up."

The rest of the 20 minutes in homeroom I ignored Paul as he planned. Dream on man.

I went slightly excitedly to my first class, hoping to get a chance to talk to Alice again, maybe ask her to the diner. I chuckled silently as I reached the room, _Now I sound like Paul_ I thought. Fantastic.

Lucky for me Alice sat down next to me in the empty desk after Mr. Owen introduced her to the class. I grinned at her and she smiled back and winked but something was a little different then before.

"Jasper told me I could sit at your table today… is that supposed to be a big deal?" She asked in superior amusement. I rolled my eyes, the way Jasper had probably said it, and yes it was a big deal.

"Our group isn't exactly the rejects if you know what I mean," I explained to her vaguely.

"Oh, you guys are the 'all that and more', bad guys that everyone likes but is still slightly afraid of them, high school is your kingdom and none of you get very good grades… obviously you and Martin smoke so I bet the rest of your posse do too. Am I right here?" My mouth fell open. Someone had to have told her that. "I'll take that as a yes."

_Damn_ I thought it amazement.

"So who was the girl in the hallway in a wheelchair, does she have a broken leg or anything?" I regained my composure after the shock wore off. I also realized I was going to have to explain the whole way of the high school and the people in it to her. My plans of asking her out were soon forgotten.

"Okay, that's the Bella Martin was talking about. She has never been able to walk; she was born like that I guess. People like to talk about her but most of it is made up, she's not that weird. She's just…conservative." I explained to her, dropping my pencil on my desk and propping my head up with my right arm.

"She's really pretty," Alice commented, thinking about what I had just said I assumed.

"I guess," I shrugged, wanting to say something corny but restraining myself.

"So what's your relationship with her… you guys friends?"

"Yeah, I guess. She's okay." I shrugged, trying not to be too interested. Alice thought about this while Mr. Owen prattled on about the Crusaders. This man has to be stopped.

I did notice that Alice didn't seem to have a problem with talking in class which led me to believe she wasn't an angel. But she did seem like a semi good girl, as in not in to smoking or drinking but she seemed like… a little of everything.

"Tell me about her," Alice smiled softly at me. I raised an eyebrow at her and returned the quizzical look she had given me before. She gestured with her hand for me to proceed.

So I did.

It wasn't hard to talk about Bella. It never had been but it just seemed a lot easier to explain her life and all. When Alice asked about her parents, after I had told her they died, I didn't have an answer to how they died. I had been ten at the time, worried about making the football team…

An incredibly guilty feeling swept through me… I realized that I knew nothing about her. I could say I knew the basics, but wouldn't that include knowing the reason she was unable to walk? Alice seemed satisfied with my answer and smiled brightly at me.

Throughout the day a lot of guys came onto her. She seemed used to the attention and knew how to blow most of them off. Though she was thankful to have me as a threatening force, towering over her, or so she said. I enjoyed her teasing ways and she was contagious with her laughter. It was fun, but there was just something missing about her that I couldn't pinpoint.

Martin and I were in our English literature class, sitting in our table in the back. I looked around the class, seeing the faces of the boring kids that I had known all my life and not seeing the new one. Alice rushed into the class late, skidding like a puppy on a shined floor. She was flustered as she gave the teacher her slip and went to sit in the seat she pointed out right in front of me.

When Alice turned she smiled lightly at Martin while I frowned deeply after she had turned. I was pretty good at reading people and I only had one question.

Was it Jasper or Paul who had gotten to her?

Something had changed and she didn't look even remotely interested in me or Martin but with her flushed cheeks and bright eyes I could tell she had met one of them but I wasn't sure which one.

I sulked in my chair the rest of the period.

"Can I meet Bella now?" Alice inquired, popping up at my side as the final bell rang.

I rolled my eyes at her excitement. "Sure, I just have to drop this stuff in my locker."

We walked down crowded halls side by side… though she was literally about a foot shorter than me. I looked down at her, just about to comment on something when I saw she was smiling and gazing slightly to the left. I followed her gaze to see Jasper smiling shyly at her. As we passed he pretended to tip his hat in some sweet southern gesture.

Cut the _shit_ Jasper, I thought irritably, everyone knows you've been a pale white boy in Michigan your whole life.

Alice and I walked down almost empty hallways towards the library after we narrowly managed to escape an encounter with James. He had a special way to welcome new girls…and though he wanted it to be all dramatic he had only done it once and he was 14 at the time. It was lame.

I found Bella at the library like usual and she smiled at me before looking at Alice standing happily next to me. Bella's eyes went back to mine in tiny confusion though she did a beautiful job of covering it. Alice almost bounced over to her.

"Bella this is Alice, Alice this is Bella." I muttered when both girls looked at me expectantly. I guess I was match/friend maker here.

"You are gorgeous! I wish my eyes were as bright as yours! They are so pretty! And that brown is a really pretty color on you!" Alice praised cheerfully. Bella looked taken aback as she smiled and blushed then glanced at me her eyebrows furrowing a little before turning her attention back to Alice before I could smirk and shrug at her.

"Thanks," Bella smiled back at her, easing into the situation smoothly. They started talking about her classes and after awhile the hallway was completely deserted and it would be a lie to say I wasn't started to get bored. I put my foot down when they started talking about the color pink.

"Bella, we should be going."

"Oh! Edward! Sorry, it just slipped my mind, yeah, let's go. Lead the way." She quickly put her books into her bag and then wheeled herself out by me as Alice followed her. I asked her where she was going and she said she was walking home today, just to get a feel of the town but would probably be driving later.

"Cullen? What are you three still doing here?" Mr. Lynn asked just as were about to exit.

"Just leaving," I answered while we walked into the sunshine and I took Bella's handles. Alice was walking a couple steps ahead of me, still talking with Bella but it looked like there was something that she wanted to say.

"Bella… what is this guy's" Alice jabbed her thumb in my direction, confusing me, "actual name? I mean is it Cullen, or Edward? Or does he just go by 'Man'? Seriously?" She looked at me in confusion while a crooked grin spread across my face, well okay; I admit it was more of a smirk.

"Oh crap," Alice whispered in horror, "you don't have multiple personality disorder because if you do; no offense but, umm I will just walk myself the rest of the way home…" Bella and I were in a laughing fit as she finished her statement, her blue eyes huge like small lakes.

"My full name is Edward Cullen, but I guess Cullen started to stick when we were in middle school…and normally I do respond to man." I told her, still chuckling, she stuck her tongue out and me which just made me laugh harder.

"So you are the only person who calls him Edward?" She asked with uncertainty, Bella nodded and Alice continued, "why?"

"It's his name," Bella answered simply though I could not see her face while she answered. I scoffed quietly. Lamest answer ever.

"Tell me about your brother," Alice suggested suddenly, changing the subject and engaging her in a totally different conversation, but I did see the slight twinkle in her eyes at Bella's answer.

We reached the Swan house in a little bit. I had not gotten a word in edgewise about anything. Alice was hot, and really nice and perky but damn that girl had a set of lungs on her. A tiny part of me was a little miffed that I hadn't gotten to talk to Bella at all but it wasn't a huge part.

When we got to the house Allie smiled at me, "I'm going to stay here with Bella, I want to see the-" Bella had elbowed her, lightly I assumed making her jump and stop her sentence. "Nevermind!"

See the what?

_Probably a girl thing_, I thought to myself_ I don't want to know._

"It was great meeting you…um…let's see what shall I call you…" She thought about this seriously for a second while I gave her an incredulous eyebrow. I had no idea why she couldn't just pick one of the damn names.

"I know. It was great meeting you _Vogter_," she stretched up on her tip toes and wrapped her arms around my neck to give me a hug. The way she said "vogter" in her foreign tongue made it sound like it was not an insult but rather a compliment. I had no idea what it meant, or what origin it was from. I was about to ask but Alice had already lightly bumped me out of the way and was wheeling Bella up the driveway.

Vogter.

Little did I know the significance of it.

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**Chapter song**: Be There by Howie Day

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	9. Garden of Hope

**As always thank you JKRowlingrox!**  
**Everyone has _those _weeks. Bleh.**

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Shit. Morning.

I groaned as I rolled out of my bed, landing in a thud. I rubbed my head as I sat up. I yawned loudly while scratching my hair and then proceeding to stretch my arms out. The last time I fell out of bed, I was 7.

It had been a week since Alice's arrival and I was already over it. She and Jasper had hit it off and he was already as whipped as a horse. I wasn't bitter anymore; she was happy. As stupid as that sounded, it was only because I already cared for her. She impacted my life… not much but I did want to protect her.

That and she was so damn annoying. She never left me alone.

I went downstairs after shrugging into my clothes, not quite awake yet. Another yawn escaped my throat and I felt my mouth stretch out as the air left me. My mom was in the kitchen, eating pancakes at the table. She was wearing a simple pink sundress, her hair curled on the bottoms. She nodded over to the plate on the counter and I grabbed it before going to join her.

"Hey mom, seriously, why have you been at the Swan's with Emmett…?" I asked her after a few moments of silence.

It had been bugging me lately. Bella wasn't offering any information about why she had been there with Emmett, nor had she said anything about what Allie wanted to see. I have caught her a few times just trailing off when the subject broaches that. I was so damn easily distracted it wasn't even funny.

"You know dear, that's really what Bella should be telling you not me." She smiled at me. I raised an eyebrow at her. That was not the answer I was actually expecting from her.

"Why are you looking at me like that? I swear you got that compulsive eyebrow raising thing from your father. It drove me insane." She huffed, irritated at my stare clearly. I smirked sideways before chuckling.

"Well, I just thought there was more, I guess." I shrugged, really not feeling brave enough to bring it up, and definitely not in the mood for my mom to lecture me. Because then I'd laugh at her, which would make her even angrier until I was in a laughing fit and she takes away my car privileges because I don't respect her.

Happened all the time.

"Good Lord, you actually thought… me and Emmett? Umm, darling, no." She blinked at me and then burst out laughing, looking very young faced and carefree. I blushed and forked at my food roughly, focusing on that instead of her face.

"I hoped not, but I wasn't sure!" I defended as she continued to laugh. I did not find it that amusing. I was finished with my food by the time she got over her laughter. She cleared her throat seriously and I looked back up at her.

"Honey, I'm haven't since your father and I won't. He was the only one for me; I'm not foolish enough to believe I can find love again. When somebody like him came into my life I knew I would never love another. When he left, he didn't leave my heart; it's still ablaze with his love. It will never dim. Do you understand?" I nodded.

As I took my plate to the sink I processed her words some, running them over again in my head. It was surprisingly very reassuring that she had not had sex with anyone else… _especially_ Emmett, because that was gross. And I was happy to know no one would replace my father in that way.

I was worried about her; I knew I wouldn't be here forever. I doubted I would be at college and I didn't plan on staying in that town for too long but she would be alone when I left. That didn't mean I was going to go hunting for a new step father because I would _not_ be understanding about that.

"Tell Bella and Alice I said hi," she called after me as I heard Martin's honk and went outside into his car. I gave her a grunt of acknowledgement to let her know I had in fact heard her.

Of course my mom loved Allie.

Would you expect anything less?

School went by the normal drag. Prom passed by last weekend so the excitement of that was gone and everyone was just done.

Luckily Paul and Mitch went solo to the event to spike the drinks. I was happy they didn't require the rest of us to go… not that Cody hadn't been dragged there by Shari. I felt sorry for him, but he didn't seem to mind it as much as you would assume. Or he was just pretty damn good at pretending to be happy to go.

At the end of school Alice and I were walking through the hallway with Jasper. I felt just awkward having to walk between the two almost love birds. I rolled my eyes at Jasper as he smiled softly at her (Jasper and soft were not two words you would put in the same sentence. Hell, Jasper and smile in general weren't associated with each other) and I pretended to gag when Alice winked back.

"Will you two just give it a rest all ready?" I groaned loudly, elbowing Jasper while looking at Alice pointedly. She just looked back up at me with big dear eyes that I had learned she was perfect at, "Don't pull the shitty dear eyes on me Alice. I got over that crap the second day I met you."

"You did not you jackass," she mumbled, irritated that I had interrupted their little eye romancing.

"Alice are you doing anything on Saturday?" I asked her with an impatient rush.

"No, but you know Vogter-" I cut her off, still annoyed I did not know what that meant and that she wasn't going to explain… and that she just wouldn't call me one of the two damn names everyone else did.

"Well you are now because this ass right here is taking you out. He'll pick you up at seven? Good? Okay great. Now leave me alone." I walked away, only slightly irritated now. It was more for the benefit of leaving those two alone.

Bella and I were in sync that day; there was just an energy about us that was identical as I was walking her home. I wasn't really sure how to explain that, it kind of just… was.

"You should have switched into Ms. Westling's when you got the chance at the beginning of the year… we started with the Trojan war and now we are at World War II" Bella laughed as I recounted what I had learned from Mr. Owens to her. Today we learned that The Little House on the Prairie was a true story and then he proceeded to tell us that when milking a cow you needed to make sure your hands were warm.

Thank you Mr. Owens, your life lessons inspire me.

"I know!" I whined, Bella laughed brightly at me while shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

"The Trojan War just confused me; the whole thing was far too petty. It was much easier to grasp the World War II stuff." Bella informed me.

"Yeah, learning about the soldiers was the easiest." I agreed with her. In the back of my mind it was telling me, okay, more like screaming, that I had turned into a complete chick and was actually having yet another civil conversation with Bella. The girl that I had made fun of for so many reasons.

"Really?" She turned to look at me briefly and I nodded, not understanding why that wasn't easily grasped. "I hate learning about them. I can't fathom how many women lost their husbands and how many kids… well… you know." She looked at me apologetically, compassion in her eyes before looking down. I got what she was saying, and I knew I would be very annoyed if she had continued but I realized she wouldn't do that. She was a smart girl.

"I never really think about that I guess, but I do have huge damn amount of respect for those men. They risk their life… for this lazy ass country." I hadn't even realized I had slipped in two possibly offensive words. Bella giggled ever so softly that I barely heard it before turning back to me again.

"I agree, they are so tough it's not even funny. If my life was ever endangered by… a person, I would definitely want those guys on my side."

Something was off about that statement, but I couldn't quite place it because she had said it quickly and I was already thinking of a response to keep the conversation going. But I could tell there was something.

"Couldn't agree more," I said, nodding seriously.

"Do you think you would become a soldier one day?" She asked me after only a few moments of silence.

I had no clue what I was planning to do with my life. I really hadn't thought about it much, and I knew it was late and most colleges wouldn't be accepting any longer. I had actually thought of joining the army but I knew I didn't have the discipline for that. It would be something to make my parents proud though. There was no way I would be going into medicine like they did.

Yeah, I had thought about some options and my mom was really starting to get on my case about this stuff. But even if I wanted to think about it, I just had no idea.

"I don't know. Maybe, I suppose. I, just, you know." I explained lamely, dropping one of her handles to run my hand through my hair for a second.

Everything was in full bloom around Cedar Springs now. All the trees leaves had grown back and all the flowers were blossoming. The sun wouldn't stop shining so in exchange it had been very warm. We had only gotten one long, nice spring rain.

It would be a lie to say I didn't enjoy that day. Rain, to me, it just was cleansing, I don't know how to describe it. Rain was powerful; it represented emotion, happy and sad. It just symbolized a lot to me for some reason.

Besides that, I loved the smell of the outside world after it had stopped raining and the sun was starting to shine. It was the smell of fresh, wet cement. That smell went with the humid feeling that made you just want to bask in it.

That's right. Edward Cullen likes the smell of rain.

"Err, yes?" Bella responded while looking up at me with one eyebrow raised a light confusion in her face. Though there was so amusement in her as her forehead scrunched up the tiniest bit and lips puckered.

"I don't know how to describe, I mean it would be… oh Good Lord I have no idea how to explain this. If I were to sum it up, maybe it's because I wouldn't fit in and I don't deserve the respect those guys get." I told her, then re-ran the words in my and simply thought… wait, what?

"Why not?" Bella asked, she looked a little annoyed and was having difficulty grasping what I had said. She looked at me like I was stupid. And that was not a look I was used to from her. "Those men are fighting to protect our country, they have been for decades. It doesn't matter what they have done or anything else. Anyone who would lay down their life for our country deserves appreciation."

I was slightly stunned to be honest. I also realized I was way out of my league. This was a passionate subject for Bella and now I felt like I had just been lectured by my goddamn mother.

"You know how many people in this town would be proud of you?" She said, her tone doing a 180 from a second ago. Instead it was much softer, barely a murmur.

"More than right now," I muttered sarcastically.

"You could do it you know." I was stunned again. Because clearly I had done something to earn her faith, I thought sarcastically to myself, something I definitely deserved.

We walked some more, she seemed to be rewinding what she had said in her head. Or something like that; but I knew I sure as hell was. It was strange; Bella thought I could do it. She actually believed that I would be able to be a soldier. Then I was back to my original thought process of, _Wait, me__, a soldier? That's some messed up shit._

Bella glanced back at me once more, it was a quick glance but I caught the small, content smile that was on her lips, and then it was gone and I was looking at her shiny brown hair again.

"What?" I asked her with my own smile. She turned back and grinned at me, not widely, and she wasn't beaming but she was happy.

"You just broke your own rule. You talked about your future." Oh. I thought about this while she smiled softly. I guess I had, it seemed effortless, and not awkward like I had thought when I made that list.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged it off. She continued to smile at me before turning forward. We walked in silence for almost a minute…and that's at the most.

"Wait. Something's been bugging my, why was my mom at your house for a few days?"

"I guess I can add random to the list of things you are Edward." She laughed slightly and I felt my lips twitch up involuntarily. I kind of liked it when she called me by my first name. It's not like I wanted everyone to start calling me that; that would be annoying. But it sounded more natural with Bella. Like I said, I liked it.

And it wasn't weird like Alice's name.

Which I still had no idea what it meant.

"And are you avoiding a question Swan?" I asked her, narrowing my eyes in a teasing way which made her laugh. I didn't think it was too funny, but it wasn't like I was going to go all stern and be like, _Hey; that was lame, not funny at all. Why are you laughing you dork. _Not saying I haven't said that to people before but I would hardly count James as one of them and I didn't exactly call him a dork either, if you know what I mean.

"She really was helping me garden." Bella said after a moment.

I did notice that she seemed to be thinking deeply and choosing her words carefully. I squinted my eyes a tiny bit, trying to read her expression but she abruptly turned away from my gaze and sat forward.

If there was one thing that bugged me more then anything is when she did that. I could never read her and I was forced to walk behind her. It frustrated me to know end.

"Umm, we needed her help because Emmett is not exactly Mr. Green Thumb and I'm unable to do some of the things in it…" I could hear some nervousness in her voice and that only confused me more.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I questioned her flatly. She glanced back at me for a second, narrowing her eyes slightly at my cuss world. I just shrugged at her, completely unapologetic.

"I don't really- I've never… I'm not sure… um," Bella was at a loss. She was never at a loss. She was the most composed person I have ever met, always has an answer or a witty response. This was so, un-Bella.

And even though it was very unlike her, I actually had to admit to myself that it was sort of cute, seeing her stumbling like that.

"Show me." I requested simply.

Bella turned back to look at me, her mouth opening up slightly and then closing and repeating this motion, while her brown eyes widened a little and looked at me. I tried to be patient under her stare but I was fidgeting, and instead focused on the side walk in front of me. Wouldn't want to trip, I reminded myself. And then I scoffed.

"Are you- um, okay. If you want…" she trailed off.

"What is this? I have never seen you this shaky, I thought you were always collected and calm." I said. I had meant it to be a teasing tone, but by the look of her face I think it came out much more serious than I had intended. Dammit, I grumbled silently while bracing myself.

"Edward, everyone has something. And despite what people think, I have secrets too." And then; she turned again while I in turned gaped at her like she had just told me the square root of 228.

Bella had secrets?

I grinned at this thought briefly, kind of proud that the girl does have something. I don't know why I was proud; it just seemed like a conflicting emotion.

We arrived at Bella's house shortly after. Emmett's truck was in the driveway and he was just slipping out the screen door to greet us. In the back of my mind I was curious about why he had me walk her home when he was almost always there when we got there anyway. But I just wanted to see what Bella had been talking about so I didn't ponder the thought.

"You showing him the garden?" Emmett asked her as he wiped his hands and on white rag that was stained with black grease. He was wearing jeans, a white t-shirt and a Detroit Tigers baseball hat, turned to the back.

"Yup," Bella sat up straighter and I could sense some nervousness in her voice. What was the big deal about a garden? I was very confused…it wasn't like she buried dead bodies back there or anything. At least, I hoped not.

Emmett looked at me pointedly, his arms crossing over his chest… and of course his feet placed shoulder length apart. I couldn't decide if he was more intimidating with Bella around or less. There was that protectiveness in his stance and face that frightened me, but he was a lot tougher when she wasn't around too.

I followed Bella's directions on where to go. There was a cobblestone path on the side of the house that I pushed her on. Emmett had slipped back inside while I headed in that direction with Bella. And then when I got to the end of the short path I looked to my right and was stunned into silence.

There was a large square backyard. The trees lined it like soldiers. The yard looked like it could be divided into four equal squares. On the square to the right closest to the house and where we were was covered with mulch. There were rust brick lining it.

It was a garden. A huge garden, shining brightly with its colors. There was was a brick path going through the 35 by 35 foot square garden. There were so many colors, it was like somebody had taken a paintbrush and painted out all the colors of the rainbow in various flowers.

There were yellow tulips at the beginning of the path, and white daisy's mixed in with orange roses and a blue flower with many little different petals. There were white and pink roses and pink lilacs along with light purple ones. There were so many plants, all crammed together without being crammed together at all, they were organized perfectly, all colors complimenting each other.

I dropped the handles of Bella's wheelchair and walked halfway down the path silently. In one of the corners of the garden were orange tiger lilies, standing taller than the stone bird bath. There were little pink fluffs on tall stems by that. Then near those were some yellow and red daisy's with a fluffy looking center. There were other green plants with blue star shaped flowers. There was a color glass ball in the mess of green and near that was a star wind chime hanging from a pole.

At the far end of the garden, right next to the path was a wooden sign. There were little white and red star shaped flowers sitting on the garden next to it. The sign read in perfect script: _Bella's Garden of Hope_.

I was so wrapped up in this bubble of so many warm fragrances tickling my nose and all of these bright beautiful plants that I didn't hear Bella approach me behind.

"Is it too much?" She asked quietly. I jumped, startled, before turning to look at her. She had her elbows on the armrests and her hands folded together on her lap. Her teeth were softly grazing on her soft red lip.

"No it's… pretty." I told her sincerely. Honestly, that was an understatement, but it was the only coherent thought I could form. I never thought I would be one to be in awe of a flower garden.

"No… hell… this is beautiful. All of it. It's perfect." Bella smiled at me, her eyes were bright and her smile was so genuine that I had to grin back at her. She wasn't beaming too much, nor was she looking even remotely sad. She just smiled nicely.

Then I realized something as I looked at her. Bella had a truly beautiful soul. Not like the ones people say when someone is at a funeral and the person has a beautiful soul because they felt bad. No, not that kind. Bella's soul and spirit really were amazing, she seemed like she was on such a higher level than anyone else. If you wanted me to describe pure, beautiful, innocent, and just plain good, I would say Bella. Because it's true.

"The butterflies just started coming," Bella said quietly. I looked at her closely but she wasn't looking at me, she was focusing on the wind chimes to her right. I sighed and shifted a little before I moved to sit down. I felt the rocky warm gravel under my hands as I lowered myself onto the brick path right in front of her.

"Why do you have a garden of hope?" I asked her, willing my voice to be soft. It sounded off and strangely vulnerable even to my own ears. Bella looked back at me, her lips curving up just a tiny bit.

Bella stared at me for a moment. If it had been literally anybody else I would have shifted and glanced away awkwardly. But with her, it felt like she was examining me and I held her gaze because I wanted her to trust me. I wanted to know her secrets, but I then realized something else. I wanted her friendship.

"What do we have to live for other than hope?" She said after a moment, her voice thoughtful. She reached to tuck her hair behind her ear and I watched while thinking. It was true, if there wasn't hope for a better tomorrow or hope that love will come to you then what do you live for? How would you get up everyday in the morning without it?

"I know, it's still not entirely a reason to plant just a large garden, but there are reasons, trust me I do have them." I sat there with her, under the sunshine, on the warm brick surrounding by hundreds of flowers and some butterflies, talking. The conversation was nothing deep, she told me about some flowers, her favorites and little things about them.

I was blown away by her spirit for this beautiful little haven. She had planned all the plants accordingly and a lot of the neighbors had brought parts of their flowers to add to her collection. It was amazing how when you meet a person who is so passionate about a subject, something that lights their eyes up and could talk about for hours. I wish I had something like that but for now I was just content listening to her.

After an hour, or maybe more, I had lost track of time, Emmett wandered out to meet us. I had just been standing up to stretch and Bella also was raising her arms above her head in an innocent way while she yawned like a baby. I smirked a little bit as she covered her mouth and caught me looking at her.

"You staying for dinner Cullen?" Emmett asked casually. I noted that he had his hands shoved in his pocket verses crossed over his chest. I was about to answer no, but I looked at Bella who was smiling at me. She looked so at peace after being out here in her flowers, that I found the words coming out of my mouth.

"Sure, my mom's working late anyway." Emmett nodded and walked off the path and back into the house through the back door. I went to Bella's wheelchair and grabbed the handles and I started to push when she reached up to run her hand through her hair. I smiled a little and grabbed it. She didn't glance back as I entwined my fingers with hers but she held on.

I rested our entwined fingers on her shoulder. We walked out of the little haven she created. The little piece of heaven in my opinion.

Bella's Garden of Hope.

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**Chapter song**: What a Wonderful World by Louie Armstrong

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**Holy shit guys! I just watched Time Traveler's Wife and cried my eyes out!**  
**):**  
**Trying really hard not to get any form of story ideas...blocking it out....blocking it out**

**Picture of garden on my website (as always, link on profile)  
Hopefully I can get writing with a week break ahead of me...**

**~Carmen**

**Reviews make me happy!**


	10. Afternoon Drives

Dinner with the Swan's was weird.

It just was odd sitting at their table with them, eating the food that Emmett had made, while Bella and him talked about more plans for the garden and then his mechanic shop. Me on the other hand, well I listened to them talk and picked at my food, finding that it actually wasn't that bad. It wasn't my mom's cooking but it wasn't awful.

I left shortly after dinner was finished, Bella gave me a huge smile and I returned one. Maybe it wasn't a "Bella Beam" as I was beginning to call them but I did try to convey that I was in gratitude that she had shown me her garden. Her amazing, mind blowing garden. She nodded at me, her eyes shining knowingly and then I slipped out their door and walked home.

The next day I didn't see Bella at all because I overslept and missed homeroom…and my first two periods. Okay, so I had gotten better about that recently but old habits do not die hard. They live on, _and on_ and on and my bed had just been so _comfortable_ that morning.

But I did make it for lunch. _So_. It was like I didn't miss a thing.

"Cullen, where were you yesterday? We went to your house on our way out for a smoke and no one was there." Jasper said as him and Alice sat down across from us. Martin, Cody, Shari, Paul and I were already sitting down.

I looked at him for a second, his blonde curly looking more clean than it has in a long him. It was hanging in his eyes that were looking directly at me. I groaned mentally and dropped my pizza abruptly before leaning back in my chair and holding his gaze.

Everyone else at our table looked curiously on. I ignored them as I answered, "Well I wasn't home clearly."

"No shit, but where were you?" Jasper responded as he mirrored my position. I looked over at Alice who was smirking while munching on her salad. I rolled my eyes at her; she looked at me a grinned.

"Doesn't matter," I told him simply, daring him to defy me with my shrug. He backed down and started talking quietly with Alice who by the way seemed way too amused by our alpha/dog exchange there.

In our small group of guys I was the alpha, like in wolf packs. They were my friends but if they betrayed me I could make their life awful. Martin was the omega, but not really because Mitch was normally in charge of things. But Martin was my best friend so…it's like the right hand man thing.

And then there was Paul.

I wasn't really sure where he ranked.

"Let's bounce, I'm going out to the rock," I said, standing up from the table, the chair I had been sitting on flying out from under me.

"I'll go with you," Jasper and Martin both volunteered at once. I nodded as Alice rolled her eyes and took her last bite of salad and stood up as well. She seemed to find us amusing…_all the time_.

They quickly disposed of their trash while I waited, leaning against the column in towards the side of the cafeteria. I nodded at a few of the guys who I did have some amount of respect towards - mind you - only some.

We exited the hallway and were walking down both having side conversations with each other.

"My mom keeps bugging me about this future whatever garbage." Martin complained as Alice and Jasper dove into a conversation that did not seem like the two of us were meant to be in. If they became one of those annoying couples I would beat that punk up.

"Tell me about it." I grumbled while rolling my eyes, my mom had been telling me to get my act together for the past 9 months.

"I think I might go work at Emmett's," Martin shrugged after only a moment. I looked at him for a moment. He was wearing his black signature jacket with a black shirt under that and his, of course black jeans. He wasn't wearing his glasses today but his hair was in its organized disarray.

"Martin the mechanic," I said elbowing him. He laughed and shook his head shoving my back.

"I personally think it does have a nice ring to it, what can you put your name with?" I raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. "Exactly. So who is cooler?" He asked rhetorically.

"You're so incredibly un cool."

"Well you can't exactly live with your mom all your life, what are you going to do? I mean well, I guess you could because your family is loaded but I think you could actually do some things once we've graduated." I huffed, slightly peeved that Martin was the next in line to give me the 'your future talk'.

"I don't know, maybe I will do the truck driver thing…" I trailed off; smirking to let him know there was no way in hell that I was somewhat serious.

"You're right; I can definitely see some potential in that area." Martin said sarcastically, we joked about some other, less appropriate things until we turned to the right to the next hall.

My smile dropped instantly.

There in front of us, or rather 20 feet ahead of us was Bella, James and this other creep named Laurent who moved here last year. Bella's wheelchair was backed against the red lockers and there was James with his hands holding Bella's down on the armrest and leaning mere inches away from her face.

Laurent on the other hand was about two feet away from them, chuckling with one of his hands in his pocket and the other weaved in Bella's brown shiny hair.

And then Bella. She was so frightened, like a tiny kitten, all fierceness of a tiger gone. She was struggling against James' grip. He was pressed against her legs and I wished with all my heart that she could be able to kick him real good. But she couldn't and I could only feel the adrenaline from anger coursing rapidly through my veins.

I didn't glance at the other three of them as I took off sprinting. And I do mean sprinting in the sense that I could feel my feet pushing against the tiles, needing to get there and fast. I couldn't tell if anyone was behind but I didn't care, I was planning to take him on.

I slammed into James, bracing the impact with my hands out so that it shoved him to the ground and left me standing. I didn't think as he fell to the floor. Without missing a beat I grabbed his jacket, pulled him up and then slammed him against the lockers, a satisfying metal thud met my ears as I shoved him into them again.

"This is not where you should be now is it James," I hissed at him. His eyes were frightened and his hair was messed up. I was about to slam him once more but something snapped in him and he started to thrash violently, making more slamming noises and he begin to throw punches at me. I didn't have a father, and I could throw punches better than this freak.

Though I had to admit that he did succeed slightly; in angering me more. I glanced back for just a second and saw Martin jogging quickly over to where the scene was happening. Jasper and Alice were following, their hands joined together.

I turned my attention to James and was just about to slug him. Jasper appeared to my side and grabbed James right arm and held it against the locker, not speaking but nodding without looking at me. I grabbed his left arm and released my grip on his jacket. I did not know his motives but they must have been disgusting and therefore I had no desire to know them, I just know what I needed to do.

I snapped my right arm back in a fluid movement and shot it forward with as much force I was capable of and made contact with his face. I felt the sickening crunch of his nose before I pulled my hand back and shook it out. I flexed my fingers to relieve the sting before looking back at him.

"Don't _ever _touch my girl again." I gripped him again and shoved him just one more time. This time it seemed pointless but I needed my point to go across. He nodded while his eyes widened and the blood started to pool below his nose. I let go of him and Jasper shoved him, not into the locker but in the opposite direction of where we were going.

James stumbled forward while I turned my attention to what had been going on behind me. Martin had Laurent slammed into the lockers, mirroring the position I had James in seconds ago. Martin was livid; his face was fierce and angry. Martin was strong, he was more peaceful and often times chose not to fight. But when you made him mad, you wouldn't like it.

"Don't ever, ever touch that girl again you bastard. She's got a whole lot of protectors now and I know it wouldn't be in your best interest to go near her. _Again_." Martin slammed him harshly into the lockers as Laurent cringed back into them, his head wobbling from the force Martin was using.

"Cullen?" Martin asked before I could look at Bella. He gestured with a roll of his head towards the punk he had pushed roughly against the locker. Laurent's face looked relatively unharmed so I assumed he hadn't hit him yet.

"Nah, you go ahead, I just got the other jackass," I replied while flexing my fingers once more. A normal punch probably wouldn't have injured me, and I'm not saying this one did, it was just when you hit the nose, it tends to have longer affect. And I was positive I hadn't broken his nose...well...not positive _persay_...

"Hey V." My head whipped to the right where Alice was, she was kneeling on the ground in front of Bella. (Alice had shortened up Vogter. Which by the way I still had no idea why she insisted on calling me that.)

Bella's thin, pink lips were pressed together but quivering. Her eyes were shut, lightly though, they weren't squeezed together tightly. Her head was shaking back and forth, though it was barely moving more than an inch. She was gripping her armrests as if hanging on for dear life.

I didn't think I just rushed over to her. Alice stood up in a swift movement and I kneeled down on one knee. She didn't open her eyes as I leaned towards her and spoke in a soft tone, "Bella, open your eyes; just look at me, please," I begged her quietly.

I held my breath as her uneven breathing slowed down. She opened her eyes and I saw the instant fear. One look into her beautiful, bright eyes and I wanted to go and hunt down James and rip him apart and then bury him.

No, I wouldn't even bury him; I would rip him to shreds and then dump him in the wilderness where little squirrels and woodland creatures could feast…

"It's okay," I mumbled soothingly and then leaned in to her without hesitation and wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her forward into my frame. After a moment she wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders, and I do mean tightly. She was clinging onto my shoulders.

"Let's get out of here," I murmured and let go of her, but she didn't let out of me. Her arms stayed constricted around me and her breathing coming out in sharp breaths as she sniffled. I knew what I was going to.

"Martin can I have your keys?" I turned my head to see the three of them looking on with different expressions on their faces. Martin looked concerned for Bella, his eyes confused and his eyebrows furrowed in thought. Alice who had Jasper's arm draped around her was smiling lightly, her eyes bright. And then Jasper, good ole Jasper looked confused as hell at what was going on between me and Bella. I was right there with him. I just- I couldn't help a person halfway, if I was helping someone at all, -Bella of all people- I would be doing it right.

Martin nodded while he shoved his hands into his pocket and pulled the keys out. I caught them awkwardly after he tossed them to me and returned my attention to Bella. "I'm going to carry you; you'll have to adjust your arms." I whispered to her softly. She nodded and sniffled in loudly.

With uncertainty I got up from the foot that was kneeling and the turned so that I could scoop her up like I did the first time that I carried her. I did this all the while her arms remained around my shoulders. When I lifted her she slid her arms around my neck instead of my shoulder and hid her face in my jacket.

"Come on," Martin said as he walked over to grab her wheelchair, I nodded in thanks to him, smiling in appreciation. He grinned softly back at me, nodding slightly in a knowing way.

Now, I thought with irritation as I started to walk, I'm all for people who know things, really that's great. But what was with every person I talked to giving me that look? What the hell did they know? And why didn't I know it!

Luckily Martin had parked in the lot closest to the smoking rock and we were right there. He led us out to his blue dodge truck. It was literally just like Emmett's only in a different color and his tires weren't as nice either. But it sure was a hell of a ride.

"I'll pick you up after school," I nodded to him as he lifted the wheelchair over the back of the truck and secured it.

"Whatever," he smiled and clamped my shoulder before heading inside to meet with Jasper and Alice again. I turned my attention back to the girl in arms. She wasn't crying, she was tough but she was scared and apparently did not want me to see her face at all.

"Open the door Bella," I urged her gently. She stilled in my arms. I would have opened the door but like I'd said before; I _really_ didn't want to drop her.

The hand closest to the door fell from my neck and she grabbed the handle and tugged it with some effort. I caught it with the hand that was tucked under her knees and swung it open all the way before leaning in to place her on the padded leather seats. The car just smelt like…Martin.

Bella's other hand fell from its place around my neck as I placed her in the seat. I straightened up, figuring that she was fully capable of putting on a seat belt by herself.

She was looking down at her lap. Her hands were folded and resting and her hair was down, therefore creating a curtain, hiding her face away from my view. I frowned and felt my eyebrows furrow.

Tentatively I reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. She slowly glanced at me as my finger tips ghosted over her soft cheek. Her big eyes looked up at me, like a female deer, startled and scared. Her cheeks were tinted pinkly and her nose and was a little red but it didn't appear as if she had shed any tears.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, though as soon as I said it I mentally slapped myself. It was a pretty stupid question.

Bella simply nodded, biting her lip lightly. I sighed before nodding in response and standing up straight again. I shut her door before walking over and sliding into the driver's seat and started up the loud engine. It occurred to me as I started to back out that Bella had probably never left school in her life.

I wasn't sure where we were going to but I just drove around. Bella stayed silent next to me for a while, I kept glancing at her but she was just staring out her window. After a couple minutes I decided of where we could go. It only took me 5 minutes tops to get there.

I slowed the truck to a stop at the top of the hill. This was the hill that over looked most of Cedar Springs. It wasn't too high but it did have a fairy nice view of the small little town and all its life living within it. My dad used to bring me up here when I was little.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her after leaning back in my seat and pulling the keys out of the ignition. I was still waiting for the events that had just occurred to come and hit with the force of a ton of bricks, but while I waited I figured Bella may want some to talk to.

"I was scared." Bella started out after a moment. She was no longer focusing on her hands but rather the town outside of the wind shield. She was staring but not really seeing.

I waited for her to continue. I looked over her outfit as I did so. She was wearing a gray skirt that hugged her upper thighs and strayed from the skin just a little bit as it went down to the knee. She had it up on her waist over a white sweater which sleeves were rolled up to her elbows. She looked nice, especially with her hair flipped up lightly and bouncing again.

"I've known James for awhile, but when he pushed me to the lockers, I didn't recognize the look in his eyes. And his friend Laurent was looking at me…that alone was enough to scare me." She was talking quietly. I had to strain my ears to hear her entire sentences.

"I wanted so badly to be able to do something. I'm not violent, I really am peaceful but I felt so threatened. And then before I could do anything James held down my hands. That was the worst part." I looked at her in confusion; I was confused because that didn't seem like the worst part of the ordeal. She must have felt my questioning glance as she continued.

"Without my hands Edward, I have nothing. He took away my only resource." I felt my left hand that I still had on the steering wheel tightened to the point where it was actually painful. I was already planning ways to kill each of their social lives…and _then _feed them to woodland creatures...

"It would have been so easy to just kick him. To defend myself from him and show him that I was strong and not weak. I wanted to so much. I...I just…it," Bella's breathing increased and her voice was getting higher as she abruptly stopped and sucked in a breath. "But I couldn't." She whimpered.

I sat there, stunned for a moment as Bella begin to cry softly. I shook my head quickly, clearing myself out of the daze and then sliding over the seats so that I was next to her. I wrapped my right arm around her shoulder and reached over with my left to rub her back as she curled into me. It was sorta like an awkward hug?

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay," I repeated to her, trying to sooth her as she buried her face into my chest and cried so quietly that I could barely tell she was crying if it wasn't for the fact that she was breathing strangely I wouldn't have known.

I let Bella cry for around 20 minutes before she started to sniffle quietly and then hiccupped. I smirked as she covered her mouth and avoided my gaze. It was fairly cute, I pushed her messy hair away from her face, and her cheeks were stained red from the crying.

We sat there for a moment, she was still wrapped in my arms and I was staring out the window, looking at the small town we called home. Eventually Bella's hiccups stopped. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her gazing outside as well.

I cleared my throat after some thought.

"You know, my dad, he used to take me up here sometimes. He would sit on the hood of the car with me and we would look down and he would tell me 'Edward, you will learn as you grow up, this town is small. Don't let it hold you back from your dreams, chase them. But you'll always find your way back home, just like your mother and I.'" I wasn't sure why being with Bella brought back memories of my father and childhood but I didn't really mind it.

"Your dad was smart, I remember him. He was so kind and compassionate. And right. He's so very right; chase your dreams because without them we would be nothing." Bella said softly after a moment. Her head was laid on my chest and her warmth was strange, in the new sense, but it was welcomed nevertheless.

"What do you want to do? Your dreams I mean." I asked her in genuine curiosity.

"I want to see the ocean." Bella said in a whisper. I smiled, it seemed so Bella, but at the same time not. I would have guessed she would say something along the lines of world peace but I could never really guess with her anymore, she always surprised me.

"It sounds stupid, I know but with my disability I can't do much of any traveling. I know other people want to see it as well but with me it would mean...so _much _more, because, it would be something I couldn't do easily if I wanted to…wait, does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, don't worry, I got it." I nodded, looking down at her and smiling, she glanced up and smiled back before we both turned again.

We spent the next couple hours just talking, talking about anything and everything without really having to speak too much at all. Because _that_ made sense. I meant we talked about things. But then during the pauses we didn't need to talk, there was no awkward silence it was just…nice.

I glanced at my watch to see it was already past 4, and we had left school a little after noon. I knew I had to get her back home really soon. By now she was just settled in the crook of my elbow and I was looking at her, mesmorized by the way she talked so passionately about things.

Eventually I had to pull my arm back and start the car.

"Thank you," Bella said as we were driving down the hill and in the direction of her house. I looked over at her with my eyebrow raised. "You make me feel so normal, I forget that I'm not like others. It's quite refreshing and liberating."

"You deserve it," I responded with a grin over at her. She smiled widely back at me and I chuckled, shaking my head.

After Bella was safely home with Emmett I drove to Martin's to return his car to him. I honked when I pulled into his driveway and he jogged out the door. I slid into the passenger seat and he slid easily into the drivers side and started driving to my house.

"English was lame without you, Jasper and Alice just sat there giving each other lovey dovey looks. It was sickening." I rolled my eyes at Martin's over exaggeration. Or so I assumed any way.

"It was a good day off," I smirked at him, in turn now he rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Cullen," Martin stopped me before I could get out of the car. He had just pulled in my house and it didn't look like my mom was even home yet. So I leaned back in the seat and looked at him.

"Yeah?" I asked expectantly and exasperated after he didn't say anything. I wanted to eat, I was really hungry.

"She's changing you man." He said after a second, not looking at me while he talked and then glancing at me when he was done. I didn't have to ask in who he was referring to.

"How can you tell?" I was a little confused.

Martin cracked a small grin. "How can you not?"

* * *

**Chapter songs**: Headstrong by Trapt and Awake by Secondhand Serenade

_Reasoning; You Headstrong wasn't the best but I was playing that song while writing Edward and James. I felt I needed another one becuase this chapter was very sweet...and revealed something that will be a main part of the story (:_

* * *

**So, yeah, this chapter has some GIANT forshadowing. And I never use all caps...  
(Guess; I _dare _you :)**  
**Sorry it's like a week late...I've been busy?**

**I could totally use some encouragment right now-**  
**-Yup. Writing slump.**

**And my golf season is starting quick!**  
**Reviews would be very nice (:**

**~Carmen**


	11. Days Worth Living

The last two weeks of school went by quickly, I really meant that. All of the teachers could care less what we were doing because they were just excited that we were finally leaving. The feeling was mutual.

I continued to walk Bella home, just like I had promised to and that went well, actually. It was amazing to think that we had started this little agreement six weeks ago, time really flew.

One day of that week Bella asked me about the James confrontation. It was something Martin had said rather than actually James. He had said something about her having a whole lot of protectors now. I distantly remembered that, but I told her it was true, because it was. I protect the ones that I care about, and my guys follow my lead, so yeah she had the school's top dogs on the watch for her.

For some reason when I told her this she got all happy, she had been frowning before because she felt guilty about what had happened to James. That creep did have a broken nose, and of course it was quite attractive taped up and the lovely black circles under his eyes. It would be a lie to say I didn't grin whenever he winced from being shoved in a locker.

There was one week left of school for us and Paul and Mitch were going all out with ideas, they had plans of their big final shebang but I had a different idea. Remember how I said that I would miss that white stuffed owl that always seemed to be watching you? Steven? Well I really would miss Steven...

...so I was planning to steal him.

"Well I could distract her down in the hallway and you can run into the room an take the owl and then bolt out like hell?" Martin suggested as we made the climb to the classroom at the top of all those stairs for one of the last times.

"Ah," I whined to him, "that's lame. And so not as dramatic as I was imagining. See, I was thinking more like we steal the keys to the school; -or bust in through the window, whichever you prefer- and then we bust the lock on her door and take the owl." I explained to him with a very enthusiastic grin.

"And just where do you propose we get those stolen keys from?" Martin asked with one eyebrow raised and a hint of smugness in his voice.

"That would be wear you come in." I told him with confident thumbs up, he rolled his eyes.

"Explain to me how exactly that is where I come in, please."

I frowned.

"You just do, okay, you-" I stopped and huffed over dramatically and then continued dejectedly, "Fine, we can do it your way."

"That's what I thought," Martin grinned triumphantly, I sassed him which only made him laugh, annoyingly so.

"Alright, let's do it." I said just before we entered the classroom. Martin matched my grin and shook my hand and nodded. We waltzed into classroom, late as usual.

"To be honest I'm not really sure what I want to do today," the teacher started out as he perched on the desk and Martin and I sat on in our own seats.

"I'm proud of you students, I really am. After Friday you guys will be free. I know I will see greatness from this class, I can tell. You guys are not going to let this small town keep you from doing what you want to in life. Perhaps there will be an Elizabeth Blackwell seated right in this room, or maybe a Babe Ruth or even better Teddy Roosevelt. Whatever you decide to do in life you will always remember these years of your life, so live right now, really live because now is your time."

That teacher was just a little too,_ the world is a giant happy place and we can all get alone in peace while communicating our feelings_, for me but right now I had to give him credit for attempting to inspirational.

"With that being said, I've decided what I want to do; pop quiz. Clear your desks." There was a collective groan from the classroom as we put out books and stuff on the floor. Okay, I didn't really put per say, I more like shoved it grudgingly off the desk so it landed in a loud thud making people all jump. But, my desk was clear nevertheless.

That day after I left Alice and Jasper to their make out session by his locker I went to find Bella. Alice and Jasper were pretty much inseparable now. When Jasper ate lunch, Alice was under his arm. When Alice was going to class Jasper was carrying her books. When Alice was in the goddamn bathroom, guess who was outside.

Bella and I were good, we weren't in love for those of you speculating, and we were just friends. Not best friends either but to the extent that we actually spent the whole walk usually talking.

"Hey Edward," Bella greeted me with her huge smile. She was wearing a light yellow dress today, not the one with the little red designs on it either; this was a different one which I kind of liked.

"Ready to go?" I asked her smiling right back at her. She nodded and wheeled past me. Once we were outside she was all chatter. I listened to her animated one-sided discussion with a smirk. It was one-sided _not _because I didn't want to participate and I was ignoring, no it was because any time she asked a question she went off talking about something else before I had a chance to even think about it.

"What are thoughts for September now?" She asked me curiously after inhaling a large breath and finishing her one-sided discussion. I looked at her for a second, waiting for her to keep talking but she just looked expectantly at me, a hint of a smirk on her lips.

"I don't know living easy for awhile I guess," I just shrugged though I was getting pretty fed up with all of the crap people had been giving me. I was trying to be patient with Bella because she actually did care and wasn't just using it as an awkward discussion starter like some of the other people at the school.

"As long as that's what you actually want to do go for it." I knew she was trying her hardest not to sound like a hypocrite. Bella had informed me a few days ago that she was in fact going to stay home with Emmett for the year before maybe going off to college, there was a lot of things to be worked out I guess and she hadn't had enough time apparently.

College was a strange, uncomfortable talk for the two of us so we either treaded lightly around the subject or just didn't bring it up at all.

"For now I think it is. I just need some time off." I told her, once more.

"Just don't waste your life," she told me quietly after another moment. I was a little taken aback by her comment.

"I'm only 18," I told her with a sting of annoyance.

"So am I." Bella said in response, her voice was barely above a whisper. I wasn't even sure if I heard her right.

Graduation came.

This would be how it went down; crossing red hats and gowns, a 40 minute speech by Sid (Paul shot spit balls at him halfway through before Ms. Wilson's glare caused him to back up.) Then Mr. Oakland started to talk about how great we were and how we were going to go far in life –I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear that before actually losing my breakfast and then handed out our diplomas.

I looked at the faces of all the people who I had spent the last 13 years of my life with and felt a bang of sadness. I would miss this; though I would never admit it to anyone at all I would miss it. I watched Paul, Jasper, Martin, Mitch and Cody all get their diplomas and do various things making people in the crowd laugh.

I watched Sid; all excited and shaking hands eagerly and realized I miss laughing at him in the back of the classroom. I would miss Mr. Lynn telling me to shut the hell up and the team building things. I would miss messing with James and rejecting Jessica. All of it.

My mom was crying, not completely losing it like some of the other hysterical parents but she had tears streaming from her eyes. She clapped and cheered loudly, beaming at me as I was handed my diploma and shook Mr. Oakland's hand. Esme laughed as I pumped my fist into the air and raised both my hands above head and let out a very enthusiastic "Whoooh!"

After all of us got our documents proving that we weren't high school drop outs and were all sitting back down Bella came onto the stage. Her hair was at her shoulder only hovering above it because she had it flipped out. The red hat she wore over it made her eyes pop and she looked beautiful…and normal.

"_I'll _make this short…" Bella grinned and got a collective chuckle as we all glanced at Sid who was sinking slowly into his chair.

"We've all gotta believe that there's a reason that we are here. Nothing can break our faith or bound our hands. Even if hope is ever shattered for you it wouldn't matter, these are our days worth living. These are the years we are giving. These are the moments and the times. Don't think it's wrong to speak your mind, let out what you keep inside and love, dream, live. Let's make the best out of our lives!" Bella spoke with such a voice that made people sit up and listen to her. As soon as she finished everyone on the school lawn shot out of their seats and erupted into thunders of applause.

Martin and I let out some cheers and there was whistling and Bella smiled and put her hair behind her ear. I nodded my head, even though she couldn't see it, I was proud of her. Just as the applause began to die she caught my eye and nodded back to me. I didn't understand why there was pride in her eyes as she looked at me, surely it was self pride?

"Congratulations class of 1960; you did it." Mr. Oakland said in an approving tone. He glanced right at me and I saw his lips lift up into a small grin. He nodded to me and I nodded back in a solute.

"…yes Paul." Mr. Owen said with a roll of his eyes. "Go ahead toss your caps, you deserve it."

"Three, two, one!" We all flung our caps off of our head like they were on fire and watched all of them litter the sky for seconds before coming back down like a rainstorm.

"Meet me at door 7 in ten minutes," Martin told me with a grin. He was caught up in the festivities of the day more then I thought it would have been. I grinned and nodded before weaving off to find my mother.

"Cullen," Emmett was blocking my way in the crowded crowd. A light bulb seemed like it went off in my head…_ah, I get it now…they call a crowd a crowd, because it's going to be _crowd_ed. Oh how the world has just been set right_. Admittedly I'm actually stunned by this realization.

"You did well. Your dad would be proud," I allow myself to smile lightly as Emmett nodded his approval at me. "Now go find your mom before she falls to pieces." We shared an eye roll before I walked to right and he walked to the left to find his little sister.

Bella and I were on the same team in that way, my mom was sitting there without my dad who should have rightfully been there. And Emmett was sitting alone without his and her parents by him, which they also should have been. In a way we both got each other like that.

I found my mom after nudging and admittedly some shoving…to get through. So many people were proud of me, and saying how proud my dad would have been. It really kind of bounces off me, unlike the way Emmett had said it. I absorbed that right up because I knew he said that because he actually thought it, not because it made the people feel better to say.

She threw her arms around my neck and I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up, spinning her around as she held on and let out a little shriek. I grinned sheepishly as I set her down and she smoothed her clothes out and gave me a stern look. By that I mean it was her attempt at being stern before she just crumbled under pride again.

"I'm so proud of you Hon. I always knew you would do it but to actually see my baby as a graduate of high school when it would have been so easy to just quit and walk away." She is touching my cheek lightly and I'm rolling my eyes while she says this. But I was still grinning.

"What are you talking about? It would not be easy! You would have beaten me up! I could never quit!" I exclaimed.

Mom's mouth fell open before she closed it and narrowed her eyes at me with a glint. The hand that was on my cheek and fell and whacked me on the arm. I rubbed it and pouted while she stared me down triumphantly.

"You know I wouldn't beat you up! I've never hit you!" She exclaimed.

"My arm begs to differ." I told her with a teasing smirk.

"That's a slap. Not a hit. I'd have thought my high school graduate would know that."

I groan. "Mom, did you really have to be that cheesy?"

"I'm sorry! Can't I be allowed one cliché at least?" She grinned at me.

"Yep. And you just used it." The whole eye rolling thing is surprisingly contagious.

We started walking toward the crowd to talk to a couple more people before we leave. She wrapped her arm around my waist and I held onto her with my own arm wrapped around her side as well.

Mom's voice went softer and I knew immediately what was going to come off of her lips. "You know your dad would be so proud of you. I know you've probably heard it from all the ladies who think they're making you happy but I mean it. He wanted to see you graduate, he never said anything about college or following in his foot steps but he told me he wanted to see you graduate."

"But-"

"Faith Hon. He is watching you right now. You really should know that and he is so happy. I promise." I smiled as she leaned her head onto my shoulder and just as she finishes I felt a slight breeze ruffle my hair.

There had been no wind all day.

I grinned like a child with candy and was about to ask my mom if she felt that too but she was already looking up and me and nodding with a knowing smile. I kissed her head and she smiled, closing her eyes briefly and nodded to me once again.

It was official we were a family with our own silent language. Normally I would laugh at the irony of this but I just couldn't. It was pretty damn cool.

"Where's Martin?" My mom asked after two minutes of talking to some family friends. Including Alice's parents and family. Alice looked radiant in her gown, just like Bella and was happy to be by Jasper and his family.

_Oh_.

"I'll be right back okay?" She nodded and I jogged off unnoticed to door 7 on the side of the school where the ceremony hadn't been.

"And here I thought you'd leave me sitting at this door for your lazy ass for a half hour missing all of the pride that my parents have for their only son graduating. Maybe you really are changing," I shoved him after I got the sarcasm that he put into his voice with his last sentence.

"Okay so?" I ask him, gesturing to the door.

"Okay, here's the back story. I was here late a couple of days doing some final locker cleaning when I saw that the teachers lounge was open. So I snuck in and saw a mug of coffee, the door of the bathroom shut and a rig of keys. We're in." Just to prove his point he takes one of the keys and twists it in the door that is right next to us. He turned he handle and then poof, it opened.

"But it gets better," Martin grins as we slipped into the deserted building. Everyone loves the thrill of going into your own school when you are not supposed to be and seeing it all empty. I don't know why, no one ever will most likely but for some reason, everyone loves it.

Martin tossed me the key ring and tells me to read the name plate. I fumbled to find it and see the name. _Alissa Wilson_.

"Nice!" I exclaimed, punching his shoulder lightly.

"Alright, let's go. We're going to steal Steven." Martin said. I grinned and we took off running down the empty hallway. Our shoes thudded against the tile and I felt at that moment so free and alive. Maybe this hadn't exactly been what Bella meant when she said live you're live to the best or whatever but I found that it applied quite nicely to Martin and I's quest.

I fumbled with the keys as soon as we skidded to stop in front of Ms. Wilson's locked door. I panted heavily as I shoved the key into the lock and turned to the right with a satisfying click. I tossed the keys back to Martin before dodging into the room. The lights were off, giving it an eerie glow but it was a cool eerie glow.

There stood Steven. Steven in all of his dead, white glory. I darted around the classroom where I would no longer sit anymore and felt that same bang of sadness. I would never sit in this class again. This part of my life was over. The memories from this class flooded to me as I walked slowly to get the owl.

But I had the future. This wasn't an end. Or at least that was what I told myself. I had an image going for me.

"Hurry up!" Martin called from outside. I responded with a grunt before taking the dead white owl with its beaty eyes staring right up at me and running out to the hallway.

"I got it, lets go!" I yelled as I heard a door slam shut and footsteps running behind me. I held my hat on my head with on hand, the one not holding Steven. My gown was puffing up like a parachute and blowing from the wind that I was creating with my speed.

Just as we burst outside the door I saw Paul, getting a drink from the outdoor fountain having ditched his cap.

"What are you doing…?" He asked in confusion as I took off running toward Martin's truck.

"Stealing the owl Steven!" I called over my shoulder as I pushed against the pavement and raced to Martin's truck.

Vaguely I heard a "Whaaaa?"

Martin opened the passenger door and I tossed the owl lightly in before bending over. I propped my hands on my knees and panted from all of the running.

"We got Steven. We got the owl. We're good."

* * *

**Chapter song**: Our Lives by The Calling**

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**  
**I don't have much to say today...**  
**Happy Easter!**

Bwahaha! Extra credit for anyone who can tell me where that's from (:

**~Carmen**

**Oh, review!**


	12. Summer Days

Ah how I loved the summer.

It had been three weeks since high school graduation and I was relatively into a routine. It consisted of sleeping in late then lounging around the house. Sometimes I changed it up a little bit and went to the diner with some of the guys or went quarry diving (on the lower ones) with Martin and Paul.

It was summertime and I was living easy. My mom seemed to want to kick my ass out to do something but she refrained. Any thoughts of looking into school in the fall were admittedly slipping quickly.

It was one of those days when I woke up at noon and went to eat lunch when I heard a knock on the door. I scratched my hair lazily and yawned while going to open the door. I had assumed it might be Martin, Paul maybe even Jasper.

I was thankful I put on pants.

Alice was standing at my doorstep, wearing a twirly white skirts, pink blouse and jean jacket. She grinned at me as I let her in and gave her a short welcoming hug which she returned.

"Let's go walking!" She suggested with a bright, enthusiastic smile on her face as I finished the cereal I had been eating.

"Woooh. Walking," I grumbled a little as I finished the last scoop of soggy mush then rinsed it in the sink.

"Oh come on, it's the summer time! You clearly have barely been outside in the past three weeks," she frowned as she looked over me. I rolled my eyes.

"Clearly?" I questioned her with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. You are so pale! I would have thought you would be as tan as Jasper or even Cody! Don't waste your days sleeping," she scolded me. The thing about Alice was the fact that with a few simply words I would feel 7 again.

"And if I am perfectly content to do so?" I asked her with a defiant smirk.

"Well; at least you're still a jackass." She rolled her eyes at me before walking into the living room and plopping down on the couch.

Ten minutes later we had driven to a trail along a large pond. Alice had her own car so we used that, because I still was yet to get my own automobile. My mom said that if I wasn't going anywhere I had no need whatsoever for a car. Touché mom.

I was muttering about driving somewhere to walk but one look from Alice shut me up abruptly. I definitely did not want to make her mad and I assumed that she must have had some reason for coming to my house.

We started walking down the dirt trail after she locked the car. The conversation consisted of everything you would have guessed; how have you been? What have you been up to? Yeah, mom's fine. How are things with Jasper?

"He gave me this," Allie smiled happily as she held out her wrist for me to see the silver chain around her wrist with a silver heart hanging solely from it. I silently chuckled as she dropped her wrist back to her side; Jasper was a whipped bastard now.

"I went back to the school last week," Alice said after a moment of silence. Well not silence, the tree leaves were swaying and there were some birds chirping and all the usual nature stuff.

I hummed in confirmation I had heard her.

"I went there because I forgot my copy of Sense and Sensibility, a few of the teachers were there so they let me in and I went to Ms. Wilson's room…" she trailed off and gave me a look that made me smirk widely, knowing already how this story was going to end. "You know the creepy white owl? The one that she named Steven? Apparently someone stole it out of her classroom sometime around the graduation ceremony."

"Is that so?" I asked, mildly uninterested at this point.

After graduation Martin had driven Steven to my house and he now sat on the top shelf of my closest. So whenever I opened the door, he was there, looking down at me with his glass eyes.

I felt safe with him in the room.

"Really Vog." –Another variation of Vogter I supposed- "You stole a stuffed owl?" I inclined my head in the slightest nod which just made her huff and shake her head. Despite what she thought I could still see amusement lit in her eyes at what we had done.

We continued to walk around the pond that was empty in terms of other runners, bikers or walkers. I kept glancing over at Alice to find her turning away from me when I looked. It was clear that there was something weighing on her mind but she was working up how to tell me.

That or she just needed to use the bathroom.

Finally we sat down on a boulder on a part of the small sandy beach. I wished I had a cigarette to smoke just like on the smoking rock but unfortunately I did not. And Alice was still being eerily quiet.

"Spit it out Als," I sighed. She looked up at me from her hands in her lap and blinked in surprise. I gave her a look that suggested she tell me…now.

Instead of…now, she waited about a full minute and a half before clearing her throat and looking at me again.

"Do you know why I gave you the name Vogter?" I shook my head, surprised at how the conversation started. At times I had thought about asking my mom what it meant, but first of all I had no idea what origin it was from (though I was fairly certain it wasn't Spanish) and secondly I was slightly worried that it could be a swear word and I made it a point not to swear around mom…well…much.

"Do you even know what language it is from?" She asked, using the same softness in her voice. I shook my head again and she sighed quietly. I fidgeted, again wanting a cigarette as something for my hands.

"I took Danish at my old high school. Before you ask, it wasn't my first choice but Spanish and French were already full. And no; I had no clue why a high school would offer that language as one of the three they taught." That had been my two questions actually.

"But anyway, back to the reason. The first time I met you, well, actually the second, in history, I asked you about Bella. You didn't realize it but you spent 10 minutes straight telling me how good she was. Then when I finally met her and saw you with her it was so odd."

"I don't mean like bad odd, but, I don't even know the right word. You put up the front that you don't care about anyone all day at school and then I saw you with her. You didn't realize it either but you were so in tune with her, whenever she moved you moved when she laughed, you smiled and you just had this protective nature about you that I have seen so strongly only a few times."

My mind was working slowly as she spoke, I couldn't really process what she was saying, and instead it just ran through my head.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Shut up and listen pig head." She scolded me, losing the lightness in her voice and narrowing her eyes at me. I held my hands up in surrender before she nodded, satisfied and continued.

"I am telling you this because I probably would have called you Cullen, but after Bella called you Edward I decided to call you by your first name, because using your last name just seems like another thing you do to not let people in. I figured Bella was the only one who called you Edward…so I decided not to call you that, even though I doubted you would care."

She looked at me and took another breath, "with me so far?"

I was about to tell her I had no clue but then I shrugged and decided against it and just nodded.

"Okay, but I didn't want to call you Cullen, it was far too impersonal and I decided that we were going to be friends. So it only took me a moment to decide you were Bella's Vogter."

"So I'm going to assume it isn't a swear word then."

She punched me in the arm.

"No you idiot, Vogter means Guardian."

I looked at her to see if she was being sarcastic but she wasn't, she was looking back at me, her eyes clear and knowing.

I thought about this. I didn't think I was Bella's guardian; that was too big. Emmett was her guardian. Though I knew I would never let her fall, figuratively. I would be there for her through everything if she needed me. But she didn't need me. And really...through everything was kind of a giant leap for me.

"She is in your heart; she's a big part of it. You know it, you can feel it too. You really do care about her."

"I know," I said quietly, not looking at her.

"Look, I came here to talk to you so you could see that. I know you haven't seen her at all this summer and I don't know why. But I believe you have a project to do at the very least so go and talk to her. You need her in your life."

"I-" I started but then I closed my mouth. I had no idea what to say. I had just had one of those crystallizing moments where I realized that I did want to see and be part of Bella's life. I needed to grow up, I wasn't in high school anymore. She and Alice were able to see right through the façade anyway. Why wouldn't I want to be her friend?

"Come on, I'll drop you off at her house. You're friends, friends can do that." She reminded me as she grabbed my hand and pulled me off of the rock to start walking back on the path again.

I knew she had a hidden agenda.

"Did you know my name means 'Truth and Noble'?" She asked with a grin.

My reply was drenched with sarcasm. "Yes. Of course I knew that! Who didn't?" She elbowed me in the ribs but laughed nevertheless.

"What does mine mean?" I asked her curiously.

"Well…Wealthy Guardian." She told me. Alice got the irony of this when she figured it out but I just kind of grinned a little, and then she continued. "Okay, I know, isn't that just weird? I had no idea when I gave you the name...but I took it as a sign and so should you."

I though about this again and smiled a little bit. "What's Edmund?"

"See I wasn't sure if you'd like Edward better. It means 'Protector'"

"You are making that up," I would get irritated if Alice lied to me, "I got the hint, I'm going to go see Bella, but what does it actually mean?"

"I'm not making anything up Vog, it actually does mean Protector. Now if you wanted to I could go on a long talk about fate. But I'm pretty sure you would rather I not. So, don't argue."

"I also figured out Jasper's and your mom's by the way." Allie added as an after thought.

"Let me guess, I got a way better meaning then Jasper. I-" Allie cut me off with an exasperated look.

"Yeah yeah, life's not fair people get stuck with a lame meaning. Moving on. Jaspers' name means 'Semi-Precious Stone'."

I laughed. A lot. Semi.

"Now that you're done with that would you like to know what your mom's name means?" I nodded after one last final huff, "Esme's name means Emerald."

I thought about this for a second and I felt memories coming back, flooding my mind for a moment. "That would be why her wedding ring has small emeralds around the diamond. Wouldn't it?" Alice didn't answer, maybe because she assumed I was talking to myself. Hell, I was talking to myself.

"Alright, let's go to Bella's." Alice said as we got back into her car, which she let me drive.

On the drive over there I asked her if she knew what Bella's name meant. She told me to figure it out. Except it wasn't in a soft, light way like she had been talking before it was more of a snap. Like she was tired of finding the meanings to everyone's name.

I walked up the sidewalk of the Swan house. I smiled a little to myself at the many times that I had brought her along this pathway. I shoved my hands in my pocket after knocking on their front door.

I heard heavy footsteps from the inside before Emmett opened the door. He was wearing his usual gray t-shirt and jeans –these didn't have grease stains though- and had his arms over his chest.

"Hey, is Bella home?" I asked him in more of a mumble.

"Yeah."

I noticed that he did not in fact call her to come over here. He just looked at me, waiting for me to say something else. Lovely.

"I was hoping that I could get a chance to talk to her." I said, not gaining more confidence as I spoke…in fact, standing by Emmett it kind of all just went _way_ down.

Emmett let out a heavy (overly dramatic if you asked me) sigh. I fought the lips of my mouth turning up silently. "You can talk to her but don't upset her." I silently chuckled and felt my lips turn up despite the internal battle as Emmett turned and called for Bella.

Moments later Bella appeared in the doorway after Emmett stepped to the side slightly. "Hello Edward," she greeted me cordially. I frowned now. I had been expecting a Edward! How have you been? Come in!' but something about Bella looked cold. I had only really seen it when she told me I didn't have to walk with her home.

"Hi," I tried to wipe the frown off of my face but I was visibly aware that it was still there.

"Did you need something?" Her words stung a little bit. They were reserved and unanimated. And very out of character for Bella.

"Yeah, I- …can we talk?" I asked her, using the eyes I reserved on my mother when I wanted things. She rolled her eyes but sighed and nodded. All the while Emmett was rubbing his chin with a deep frown. When did the Swan's turn on me? I thought in exasperation…well Emmett was never really on my side granted but I had thought be and Bella were friends.

"Here let me help you," I volunteered as she wheeled her chair out of the doorway.

"I got it." She insisted in a clipped voice before wheeling past me, leaving me staring at her with an open mouth.

"Well, you've said exactly 10 words to her and she's already mad." Emmett said. I turned my view from Bella to her older brother. "Nice," he added sarcastically. I rolled my eyes before turning away and going over to where Bella was on the edge of the cement by the bright green grass.

I sat down cross legged on the grass in front of her. I couldn't help but wonder why she had chosen to sit here instead of going back to her amazing garden that she shoved me a couple months ago. But I couldn't really complain, I mean…the grass was nice…?

For some reason I had expected Bella to start the conversation. So when I looked at her I was little surprised. She was looking at me with her arms crossed over her chest and eyebrows raised at me frostily.

I took a second to look at her. Bella was always really pretty, if her intelligence and wheelchair didn't scare boys away she would have them all wrapped around her little finger in a heart beat.

Today she was wearing the same yellow outfit that she wore the first day that I walked her home. The light yellow capris then the white blouse followed by the neck scarf that was made of the same material as her capris. She had it tied in a simple knot to the side.

"Stop looking at me like I asked you to come over." Bella said irritably as she caught me staring. I admit; I was still waiting for her to somehow start some type of conversation.

"Sorry, I was just-" I cut myself off before taking a different approach. I was really not used to dealing with for-some-reason-annoyed-Bella. "Do you have any ideas for the project?"

I was very confused when she laughed humorlessly. "What?" I asked irritated as she didn't respond.

"That's what you came over here for?" She asked me incredulously. I let my head hand back in exasperation, what was her problem today?

"Well, I haven't seen you in awhile either." I added while I straighten my neck out and looked at her, gauging her reaction.

"I wonder why," she said sarcastically, though it was more of a mutter, but I still heard it.

"Why are you being so snippy to your _friend_?" I snapped, emphasizing the word friend to execute my point more clearly.

"My friend?" She asked her eyebrows so high it looked like they would shoot off of her forehead.

"Well what did you think we were?"

"That's not the point Edward." I groaned silently at another dodge of a question on her part.

Why weren't girls ever clear?

"Then what would the point be Bella?" I retorted, not letting the growing annoyance slip from my voice.

"_Friends_, Edward, don't ignore the person for three weeks as soon as he is free of her!" She exclaimed lividly, throwing her hands up in the air while I cringed back the tiniest bit. "_Friends _talk to each other the day they graduate from high school!"

"And also, friends don't just come to someone's house to make sure that they would be getting a good grade in science while offering no help whatsoever. So no, I don't think we are friends!" I was stunned at Bella's outburst. My jaw actually opened a little bit in absolute surprise.

Probably shouldn't have started the conversation that way…

"It's not my fault that you understand things awfully!" I flared, "This _friend _hasn't seen much of anyone in the past three weeks!" I defended myself, "This _friend _also could not find you at graduation and this _friend _was merely starting conversation but didn't know he was being analyzed!"

"And it's not my fault you don't want me as your friend! What the hell is with you?" I exclaimed in closing.

"Well. Glad to know we were never really friends." bella said harshly –I could have been wrong but it sounded like there were tears threatening to come out- before trying to turn away and wheel to her house. I shot up like a rabbit and raced in front of her to block her way.

"I think I know what you problem is," I told her, trying not to yell or shake her shoulders as she tried to run over my toe with her chair.

"Other than you?" I chose to ignore her sarcasm and nodded, "then please, enlighten me Edward."

"You're just too afraid that I will hurt you. Your books, garden, cooking, hell any of your other hobbies won't hurt you. But me on the other hand, you think I can hurt you so you are pushing me away." Bella turned her head so I couldn't see her face but I did see her jaw clench and she shook her head a few small times.

"I'm worth the risk Bella! I promise you that if you take the risk and actually want to be with me, I won't hurt you. Stop pushing me away! Forgiveness is always right in your heart, so just forgive me for anything that I have done and probably will do in the future."

Bella turned back to look at me, her beautiful wide eyes enhanced by the wateriness that was almost seeping over and on to her cheeks.

"Okay," she said simply after shaking her head and closing her eyes once more.

"Okay?" I checked with a smile threatening to burst out. She nodded.

"But I wasn't worried you'll hurt me Edward. I'm worried it will be the opposite."

"Don't worry, you won't be able to hurt me." I replied with a cocky crooked grin which made her roll her eyes.

"Arrogant jackass."

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**Chapter song**: Dare You to Move by Switchfoot

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**Well, that's our E & B (:**  
**I have the next chapter done, it will be up in roughly 10 days...**  
**And I hope to get chapter 14 done (err...started) today**  
**But the sun is so fricken nice!**

**Leave me reviews! (:**

**~Carmen**


	13. The Lake

The next two weeks of summer went by with a pleasant amount of production. Considering I had done nothing for the first three weeks I felt a nice little sense of accomplishment that I had gotten off of my lazy ass and gone out to do what I was supposed to do.

Seriously, being out of high school is overrated. I would never admit it to anyone else but I was at a loss of what to do without high school. I had nothing to do. And my sense of routine had completely faltered.

The forth of July passed a few days ago. My mom wanted to go up to the lake for awhile to see if it was in order for the project that Bella and I had to do. Instead we stayed home and went to a Cedar Springs picnic at the middle school soccer fields. The thing about that was Martin's mom was organizing most of it.

She let us light fireworks.

It was a surprisingly more rewarding experience when you weren't going to have to go the police station for it all. This did happen to me when I was 15. It was all Paul's fault but in the end it did get me grounded for a few weeks. But it was so worth it.

The real highlight of those two weeks wasn't lighting fireworks though, -I'm not saying it wasn't a very close second- was seeing Bella again. I realized how much I had missed her without our daily walks.

I went to her house most days to catch up and start collaborating ideas on the project. Emmett had a rule about me not being allowed in the house while he was at the shop. I scoffed at it at first but Bella was fairly excited at the aspect of relaxing out on the front lawn and talking. I was beginning to enjoy it as well verses lying at home on my couch with a bag of chips.

It would be perfectly reasonable for someone to assume that the days when we were not at the Swan's were spent ay my house, right?

Wrong.

Along with Emmett's no boys in the house rule he also told me that he really didn't trust me and wasn't willing to let his sister be alone at my house. Which does make sense in its own way. But I did not really understand it and was frustrated, I wanted to Bella to come to my house and lounge on our huge lawn with me.

Bella had told me to just let it go. Of course she used her beautiful pleading eyes and I dropped any arguments I may have been planning to pick with her older brother.

After 10 days of debating we were finally able to pick a subject to do our project on. I really tried to be interested in it. In the beginning it was hard and the only reason I was even coming was because I missed Bella's bubbly personality. But after a few days I was actually getting into it because she was so animated about it.

So like I said; it took awhile before we were able to agree on a subject that we were both comfortable on to focus on. In the end we agreed on, _Fish; their natural habitat_.

I came up with the title.

We planned on going to my family's cabin to study the patterns of the fish and do some experiments with their environment. The difficult part of this was that Emmett wouldn't let Bella even come to my house…and we needed to go to my cabin…for a week.

So we had to then talk with our legal guardians on the matter. The four of us sat down to talk at the 4th of July picnic on seemingly neutral territory.

The conversation started with Bella informing her brother of our plans which quickly dissolved into a very firm, "Hell no!" from Emmett before my mom rushed too our defenses.

"Emmett, let's be reasonable, I know you don't want to let Bella go and I understand that but my son values her, he will keep her safe because if he doesn't his sorry ass will be living on the street." I cringed back from my mom's warning stare. She never swore…does ass count as a swear word?

"He is not capable of caring for her," Emmett responded, managing to look intimidating even sitting down. My mom looked like she wanted to roll her eyes as she sat up straighter and folded her hands together on the table.

The two of them went on arguing for about 10 minutes. Bella kept giving my mom apologetic glances but she didn't see them and I kept staring the table down to keep a laughter burst that was coming at bay.

Every point my mom made about anything from trust to how we raised them Emmett had a reason to shoot down…his excuses were getting fairly pathetic at about eight minutes.

Finally Bella cleared her throat and gave Emmett a look with one of her eyebrows slightly raised that caused him to sigh heavily. Bella grinned before speaking once again, "Emmett, I'm 18, it's my decision and while I appreciate your concern I also trust Edward, he's only ever had my best interest and I think you are being unfair by underestimating his manners." Bwahaha, I thought with an inside smirk…what manners?

Bella stopped to narrow her eyes at me; I straightened my face out instantly as the threat registered.

"So, like I said, I appreciate your concern, but I will be fine." Bella's hand touched Emmett's large one like a feather and looked at him in a very reassuring, yet so soft voice. Then she added, "besides its July." I wasn't entirely sure why it was relevant for her to point the month out, but I couldn't argue because…_it was July_.

"Are you positive?" Okay, watching their tender, caring conversation was getting to me. I stared the wood of the table down once more.

"Okay; but you're taking the truck." I brightened instantly and straightened up with a giant grin on my face. "Don't push it Edward," my face fell a little bit at his annoyed voice but I shook it off and grinned as I nodded.

In the end that went way easier than either Bella nor I could have predicted though after I realized I should have just counted on my mom for that because she was just a natural at winning. Though she really didn't win that argument by herself; that was all Bella.

It only took about a week for us to figure out what we would need, then go and get it and have everything packed for eight days at the cabin. As the days approached the trip I was getting more excited, I hadn't been to the cabin for awhile and it would be fun to see it once more; even though I ended up with the couch in terms of sleeping arrangements.

My back hurt just thinking about it.

We were leaving today for the hour and half long drive to the cabin. I had already gotten the red truck from Emmett and brought it home to pack up. The Swan's were coming over in a car that was in Emmett shop and I had everything ready in the bed of the truck.

I had extra blankets, tons of food (thank you mom), tools for repairing and an axe for cutting firewood, I had a collection of records for the player and the stuff we needed for our project. I was ready to go.

When Emmett and Bella pulled into our driveway my mom came out to meet them with me. Emmett moved Bella from the passenger seat to the car he was driving to the truck and leaned over to talk to her leaving my mom and me without a word.

I turned towards my mom as she wrapped her arms around my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and hugged her back before she pulled back and put on her stern face. Inwardly, I sighed deeply.

"You have a lot on the line. Emmett will never ever trust you again if you mess up and I will be very angry, and 'your sorry ass' will be living on the street." I chuckled silently. Mom glared at me and I stopped lifting my shoulders from laughing.

"Be careful with her Edward." I nodded exasperatedly not expecting her to put a steady on my shoulder and look directly into my eyes with a motherly softness in them. "I mean it. Keep her safe."

"Love you mom." I bent down to kiss her cheek and she smiled.

"Love you too. Now go! Have fun!" I grinned and nodded before jogging over to the truck where Emmett had moved Bella's wheelchair into the back (where I thoughtfully left room for.)

I should have known I wouldn't get away from Emmett that easily.

While my mom danced over to talk brightly with Bella I got stuck with Emmett who looked downright pissed.

"I will personally hunt you down and hurt you if you hurt my sister. I don't even care about the age difference, upset her in any way and I will make your life not very fun. Got it Cullen?" I felt my eyes widen as he started to talk and my eyebrows were so high as well. I nodded meekly before darting my eyes to each side frantically and then jogging quickly off.

"Let's just go before the whole town shows up to threaten me." I said breathlessly as I slammed the door on the drivers' side shut. Bella giggled lightly and nodded as I put the key into ignition.

As we pulled out of the driveway Bella waved back at my mom who was smiling in that same motherly way. I almost laughed at Emmett standing next to her with his arms crossed and glaring me down through the windows. I felt more confident every foot we drove away from him. But he did soften up just enough to wave to his little sister…before he was back to glaring at the car.

"Sorry about him." Bella said apologetically, I nearly snorted; I didn't need to ask in whom she was referring to. "He just worries a lot."

"I can tell." I muttered dryly. I was secure enough with my masculinity to admit that Emmett's threat had _thoroughly scared the shit out of me_.

I had originally thought that Bella had I would fall into a comfortable chatter. The stuff that wasn't too deep nor meaningful but just light and nice.

Ha!

Not. A. Chance.

I quickly learned that Bella was one of _those_ people; the really annoying can't-stand-to-be-in-a-vehicle-for-more-than-two-minutes types. I was ready to bang my head against the steering wheel by the time we had exited out onto the highway. I swear this girl was unnaturally high.

"Hey! You know what we should do! You know eye-spy?" Yes, Bella, I thought sarcastically. I do know that game. "Okay I'll go first; I spy with my little eye something green."

That had only been the beginning. After she realized the one-sided game of eye spy was in fact, _one sided_, she stopped that. Then she started with a game of 20 questions.

I picked my last nerve for her to figure out. She went on asking the normal questions; is it an animal. A mineral? A vegetable? Then we got into the more detailed questions, I laughed at the irony when she asked if it was thin.

She also just couldn't stay still; her fingers had to be moving. First it started with just tapping her lap lightly than it was strumming her fingers on her legs before she started doing it on the car door. It was enough to drive me insane. _Don't snap at her, dammit Cullen, don't snap at her_. I just kept chanting that in my head as my grip around the steering wheel tightened.

After she lost the game of 20 questions she started to pester me about singing. She really wanted to do a sing-a-long of _Elvis Presley's Jailhouse Rock_.

"Sorry Bella. I don't sing. Ever," I told her when she asked again. I was biting, literally down on my tongue to keep from snapping at her or adding anything sarcastic to that statement.

"Everybody in the whole cell block was dancing to the jailhouse rock." I laughed as she started to sing. She was surprisingly in key. I grinned over at her as she burst out laughing and buried her head in her hands on her lap.

"No, keep going!" I urged her with a wide smile. She looked over at me, her face was bright red but she was grinning back. "Let's rock, everybody lets rock." I pursed my lips so that one was curled up and started bobbing my head along with the pathetic attempt I was making to sing.

We ended up actually singing through all the hits of 50's, though most were Elvis we got some Tutti Frutti in there too. I hadn't laughed so hard for a long time. At times we even rolled down the windows and let the people at the stoplight next to us hear our beautiful gift of song.

Well okay, Bella was an amazing singer. All those years in the church and school choir had definitely done wonders to her voice. Mine; not even close.

As we got closer to the lake where the cottage was Bella somehow got into Johnny Cash with a pretty strange version of I Walk the Line. I did my best to try and keep the beat with my hands on the steering wheel while we drove along, but I was no Johnny Cash's guitar. But I liked the sound of her voice singing…a lot.

I recognized the small town after exiting the highway. I usually had slept when I was younger on these car rides but sometimes I had been awake so I remembered it well. It was like riding a bicycle; it will always come back to you when you need it to. Or at least I thought that's what they said…hell, it was something that that.

Towards the end of the small town –when I say small I meant smaller than Cedar Springs, our town was more than double this one- I saw the little wooden ice cream shop. The Tip Top, ice creamery. One side of the little shop was half window from the waste up with sliding windows to keep the ice cream cold.

I grinned to myself as we drove past it, I remembered my dad and me sneaking out while mom was napping to go and get some chocolate ice cream cones. Some way or another mom always found out and scolded us for not bringing her back some, because the Cullen family loved their ice cream. Usually though the whole family would go together on Sunday afternoons before we went home again.

"Oh," Bella commented lightly –the singing had died down by now- I looked over at her, still grinning, "that looks nice."

"Best ice cream in Michigan." I grinned at her, looking past the truck again as the shop got smaller.

"Can we go sometime?" She asked me, smiling in her own Bella eager without being too hyper but so light.

"Hell yes!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, phh, I thought to myself, I'll take you there but I'm sneaking out any chance I get.

A few minutes later we were pulling in the dirt driveway that led to the house. I had realized how excited I was to actually be back here until now.

The wind was blowing my hair lightly as I slowed down. We had rolled the windows down when we entered town so Bella's hair was being ruffled nicely as well. I looked over at her and she beaming; I mean that, she looked positively angelic. The sun wasn't quite directly above so it was shining on her giving her skin a golden tint that really was very pretty.

"Please stop staring at me and look at the road," Bella laughed as she caught me staring at her, "we will have some serious problems if you crash this truck. And that's only Emmett."

Shit. I cannot crush his baby.

My eyes snapped instantly back to the bath that I was following just as I got to the end of it and close to the cabin. It looked exactly the way it had years ago, it even look like the Clearwater's had painted the wood a fresh white coat recently. I put the truck in park and pulled the keys out of ignition.

Before I could stop myself I pushed open the car door and stepped onto the grass. I grinned ear to ear as I looked out at the lake. Then on a whim I decided it was hot day and the water would feel really nice. I started to jog towards the dock, beginning to take off my shirt in the process.

"Edward! Still sitting here!" Bella called from the truck where she sat with a grin. I heaved a heavy sigh before rolling my eyes and changing courses back to the truck. "You can jump in after I'm out so you don't get me soaked." I chuckled as I got her wheelchair out of the truck; always so bossy.

"The vegetation must be amazing in this lake; you see how the ultraviolet rays refract off of the surface before plunging down, oh! The patterns of the crawfish must be amazing…and oh! The amebas must be-" Bella was prattling off all of these scientific facts about the lake before I could cut her off.

"Let's not start the smarty pants thing until we're unpacked." I reasoned with her, smirking. She narrowed her eyes playfully at me before rolling them and sighing.

"Look at that Phalacrocorax auritus!" Bella pointed out to the lake.

"That's a duck."

"Amazing! Isn't it?" I blinked at her. She sat there grinning as I stared at her like she had bright blue lips.

"Let me rephrase the smarty pants thing; next time you talk in a level a 5 year old can't understand I am throwing you in the lake." Her eyes widened as did my smirk.

"You wouldn't," she said accusingly, hmm, I thought to myself mischievously, seems someone has a fear of getting wet.

"Don't make me," I retorted while lifting her out of the truck and setting her into her wheelchair.

"Whatever. Go jump in the lake, I think I like you better when you are underwater and can't talk." I didn't need to be told twice. I took off sprinting towards the dock. At the end of the dock it was about five feet deep. So I could stand with my head and half my shoulders out of the water.

I let my shirt go flying as my feet pounded against the wood of the dock. Idly I hoped I wouldn't step on a rusted nail because that hurt like hell. I got the end and without breaking stride I dove in, shallow dive of course. The water rushed around my, contrasting with my heated skin and creating a refreshing sensation that I had missed.

A half hour later we discovered that the stairs could be a problem. I had apparently left out the small detail that there were three steps up to the porch, unlike the Swan house where there is no steps.

"Piggy back?" I questioned sheepishly as Bella sat with her arms crossed, glaring at me.

"No," Bella sighed in annoyance, "just get me up there and bring the stuff from the truck to me to unpack inside." All the while I couldn't help but thinking how inconvenient it was that there was no railing on the porch. But I loved it like that; I could just jump up the three feet.

The porch was about 22 feet long and 10 feet wide. So looking at it from the beach it was about the length of the cabin and came out the 10 feet. There was a white swinging bench on the right side of it.

So I got Bella and her wheelchair up onto the porch pretty easily. I quickly unlocked the cabin doors and opened the windows to air it out. It was pretty musty inside but exactly how I remembered it, record player, small kitchen table, comfy couch and tiny but sunny kitchen.

After Bella was up I hopped down and started to get all of the stuff I packed. I would jog it over to her and she would either wheel it inside or set it next to her in the open space, because the bench was on the other side.

It was all going pretty well if you would have asked me. That is until I was coming back with one of her bags from the truck. Bella looked really damn accusing as I reached her.

"Why did you bring these?" She questioned as she held up a little tin of my cigarettes. I went silent; I couldn't even think of an answer…I was kind of scared of being yelled at, at the moment.

I shifted her bag from my right hand to my left in the awkward silence. I looked down at the grass after I heard a soft thud. I bent down to pick up the white box that read in perky little blue letters, _Tampax_.

Bella groaned and buried her head in her hands as I realized I was holding her tampons. I dropped them like they were on fire. I hadn't realized until now that it was me and a young woman, alone, here for the next week. I had really overlooked the awkwardness of that.

I just knew one of us was going to end up killing each other; especially if Bella was anything like my mom was when it was her time of the month. I couldn't stop the small shudder that ran through my body.

I cleared my throat. "I think…this is going to be a long week."

* * *

**Chapter song:** Contagious by Boys Like Girls

* * *

It's too early in the morning for this...  
I've had hours of testing, golf and brother and sister's birthday.

Want anymore excuses?

Review! (:

~Carmen


	14. Two Ice Cold Coca Cola's

"Okay; so what exactly do I do with the fish that I just worked 20 minutes to catch?" I called in exasperation. We were working on our project; Bella had not missed a beat in waking me up this morning.

Last night had gone over fine, I thought it would be very strange and awkward with me having to tend to Bella's needs but it ended well enough. It takes her awhile longer to change and get dressed but she manages; not without difficulty I imagine.

And now, Bella had cooked breakfast and woken me up from my resting place on the couch. She wanted to get started on the observations of the fish immediately. So, I got my net out and went to the end of the dock thinking they would just be stupid and swim right on in.

But no; suddenly the fish population in my lake had gotten much smarter than before.

"Release it!" Bella called back. She was sitting in her wheel chair on the end of the grass. She had a notebook and had been taking notes of the crappie that I had caught. Now she was just…done.

"But it took me 20 minutes to catch!" I responded. I was holding the net with the fish in it. The poor sucker did not look so good from the way its gills were moving…or rather…not moving.

"And it's going to die if you don't put it back in the water!" She was equally as exasperated with me as I was with her.

I sighed heavily in resignation and was about the fling the fish out of the net when Bella called once again "Just drop it gently you idiot!" I sassed her before releasing the fish back into the lake.

Jogging lightly, I returned to where Bella was just closing her notebook and tucking the pen into the spine. "Now what?" I asked with a roll of my eyes. I was holding onto the hope that Bella wanted to take a mid morning nap so I could go to the Tip Top for some much needed ice cream.

Yesterday after I returned Bella's tampons back into her bag, much to both of ours embarrassment she gave me a lecture about smoking. It wasn't really a lecture actually it pretty much consisted of "Don't smoke around me, it smells gross and Emmett will gladly hurt you."

So instead of smoking a needed cigarette I decided that ice cream would work just as well as far as something for my hands to do go. But I didn't quite want to take Bella out yet, I mean, we still were just getting here.

"I don't know. We have all week for observations, what do you want to do?" She asked me, folding her hands on her lap and tilting her head up to the sun. The sun was amazing today, it was very nice.

I really wanted to go swimming in the lake. Yesterday's little dive into the water wasn't much of a swim though it was amazingly refreshing. I wanted to actually just swim around like years ago with my friends that I brought here. Or even my parents when I was younger and I actually thought that they were the most amazing things in the world.

The thing about swimming is that I didn't want to do it alone. And I was pretty convinced Bella didn't bring a swimsuit, or even if swimming would work for her. I would feel bad if I just left her there while I was frolicking about in the water with the little fishies.

"Well tonight we should definitely have a giant bonfire on the beach. Or maybe tomorrow," I looked around the yard; we didn't really have much in the way of firewood. I would have to grab an ax and find some fallen tree across the street in the forest. It would end up being tomorrow because I was still getting out of the lazy mode that I was in.

"That would be fun, though I'm slightly worried about you with fire," I rolled my eyes. She was looking at me and chuckled quietly at my attitude. I could handle fire…or maybe, I thought, she's worried that I will go overboard with it…well she shouldn't- yeah…I grinned to myself, she should.

Bella watched with a raised eyebrow as my inner monologue ran through my head and I made faces with it. I shook myself out of it and blinked before returning my attention back to her.

"Why don't we go swimming tomorrow?" Bella suggested, her cheeks turning a little pink as she did. This peeked my curiosity.

"You brought a swimsuit?" I asked her, and then added in an after thought, "You swim?" She nodded both times before I looked at her, silently waiting for her to explain a bit.

"Well, I need help in the water obviously. It's not like I can do laps around the lake or anything but I can tread with my arms or sit in the shallow area." Oh. Well, I guess that did make sense.

I was a little worried about the prospect of Bella in a swimsuit swimming around with me, and me having to help her around. It was one thing carrying her when she has clothes and sweaters on. But I was willing to guess it was different thing entirely to have her, not wearing much. Well for all I knew, she probably got the most modest swimsuit available.

That was a thing I liked about Bella though. It was just another reason why she was so pure. She didn't need to dress flaunting her breasts or wear short skirts to show her legs. She didn't have to try to be beautiful and desirable, she just…was. She wasn't a girl you took advantage of though, for reasons other than the wheelchair.

"Why not today?" I asked. I was now interested in the thought of swimming with Bella. Why wait till tomorrow?

"Because as of now it looks like you have some company." I followed her eyes as she turned her head to her right where a man was walking towards us. He looked a look like Mr. Oakland but younger with dark black hair, and if I was a chick, more handsome. He had more muscles as well. It looked like he was coming from the direction of where the Clearwater's lived.

"Who's that?" I asked, looking down at Bella. She gave a look, a really, you idiot, God you're so stupid, type of look.

"Good idea," she nodded sarcastically, "of course I would know who is coming over to _your _cabin when I have been here for one day." I recoiled and held my hands up, choosing not to respond.

The man was on our property line now, he looked friendly enough, and he had an easy smile about him. This didn't stop me from standing so that I was angled slightly in front of Bella.

"You must be Carlisle Cullen," he greeted me as he reached us; he held his hand out like we were old buds. Hesitantly I took his hand, even though he called me my dad's name.

"No, I'm his son, Edward." I corrected him, all the while I couldn't help but thinking that my dad would love this guy.

"My apologies. I'm Jacob Black," I dropped his hand and nodded. I tried to be friendly and right as I was about to ask what the hell he was doing here Bella cleared her throat behind me.

"Hi, Jacob, I'm Bella Swan. My own apologies at how rude Edward is." I moved as he smiled and shook her hand.

I wasn't dense; I got the slam she made. I wasn't being rude to Jacob. I was being rude to her. But in my defense I would hardly call it that rude, for all she knew I could have been introducing her right as she cleared her throat.

"Are you a friend of the Clearwater's?" I asked right as Bella was about to say more; probably another hit at me.

"You could say that. I actually bought the house last year; the lake was getting to be a hassle as they got older. I am still living with my parents though. I'm starting my senior year at the University of Michigan this fall."

Bella of course thought that this was fascinating. They entered a long conversation about that as I stood there with my hands in my pocket, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

I was about ready to fall asleep. I could feel my eye lids drooping as they went on and on.

Then Bella invited him in for lunch. They guy didn't seem like he could cook too well so he accepted graciously. I tried not to be irritated with the fact that she was inviting him in, without even asking me. Because honestly, I probably would have let her anyway.

_I was just so bored._

I lifted Bella out of her chair when we got to the porch and Jacob lifted her wheelchair up so I could put her right back down. I was beginning to like those moments where she depended on me. It lasted like 6 seconds but in those six seconds she needed me.

I was also beginning to like how she felt cradled in my arms. It felt right. Once again, not saying that I loved her more than life and was planning to marry her. I was just thinking about how no one in my life has ever depended on me like Bella does. It was nice to be needed for once.

"So your parents aren't here with you? Carlisle and, Esme isn't it?" Jacob asked as Bella made sandwiches. He and I were sitting at the little white table, the back door was open. The light was flooding in along with the glorious summer air. I stiffened and froze my hand that was running through my hair.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella stop spreading stuff on the bread and slowly turn her head towards me in compassion. I didn't need to have told her that my father was still a sensitive subject.

"Umm, my mom is working. And my dad…died awhile back." I muttered, concentrating very heavily on the wood lines running through the table.

"I'm sorry man," Jacob said after letting out a breath. I nodded.

You know that awkward, not comfortable silence where no one quite knows what to say next. I detested that silence. And that silence is what I was sitting in at that very moment. I wasn't going to say anything next, I was going to let Jacob squirm until he felt so –

"So Swan, like Swan Body Shop?"

So; he didn't get uncomfortable easy. Damn.

"Yep, that's my brother's shop," Bella smiled as she wheeled herself to the table. I got up to grab the sandwiches for her. After I poured the lemonade I brought that to the table and we sat down to eat our lunch.

"I had car trouble when I was driving through Cedar Springs a few weeks ago, I met Emmett. He was a pretty nice guy." Jacob reported to Bella, she nodded and smiled. I scoffed silently. I would hardly go and describe Emmett as a 'pretty nice guy.'

I couldn't help but notice that the pair weren't really trying their hardest to even include me in a conversation. Granted Jacob did try to talk to me, but that was a 13 word conversation about one of my dead parents. Not exactly something to discuss over lemonade and sandwiches.

Over the next hour Bella and Jacob returned to the topic of what he was studying. Of course he was going into medicine. Even though my mom was one of the best doctors in Michigan, doesn't mean they should even ask me about anything, I guess.

I really didn't have anything at all against Jacob Black. I just would prefer him much more if he was at his own house. Like away from my cabin, me and Bella. But _Bella_ seemed to find him very overly interesting.

After awhile I really couldn't take the level of intellect in which they were talking. I stood up out of my chair and stretched slightly. "If you'll excuse me I have to go get some firewood for _our_ bonfire." I hoped that Jacob wouldn't miss that the invitation would not be extended to him.

"Hey man, I just cut some yesterday; you're more than welcome to it." Jacob offered. If I wasn't running from the two of them I may have considered it, but I really just needed to get out.

"Nah, you cut it; it's yours." I tried to be friendly as possible. Not a bad guy, I repeated to myself over and over in my head. And continued that chant as I walked outside the back door in the direction of the tiny shed.

I couldn't bare to be in the shed for more than two seconds. It hadn't been aired out for years and a couple mice ran out when I opened the door. I darted in to grab the worn wooden handle of the ax and a burlap sack before running out of there as fast as hell.

As I went into the woods I ditched my shirt, it would be to warm and sweaty when I was chopping. I hoped I wouldn't get any ticks; those were a bitch to get off when you don't have any nails.

It didn't take long to find a freshly fallen tree lying on the forest floor. I dropped my sack on the ground near it and went to work with my ax.

I had chopped wood with my father before. I knew what size to cut them all in order to make the best fire. My father had always loved a nice big fire as well. It was one of those genes that my mother wished I hadn't gotten from my father.

The fact that my father loved big (controlled) fires was one of the reasons I had lit that shack on fire a couple months ago. I'm not sure if he was still alive that he would approve of that kind of fire, but it had seemed logical at the time of action. I really couldn't find a good excuse.

The steady chop of the ax among the quiet forest had a desired sound to it. It seemed to be in rhythm with my pulsing heart. Among many other things I had forgotten how much I loved this, being in solitude along the lines of nature.

The thing about chopping wood is that it takes a long time to do solely. But it also was an opportune time to clear your head.

Jacob seemed like a cool enough guy, in fact I envied him. He had known what he wanted to do with his life when he was my age and now is well on his way to becoming a doctor. Jeesh, I thought to myself, do normal people just randomly started to talk about their life ambition within 10 minutes of meeting someone.

The more I though about it the more I thought how much I did know one thing. I had no idea what I wanted in life.

And that made me thinking of my dad. He had his whole life figured out at 18 years old. He had married my mom when he got out of high school and went off to college and then my mom got pregnant with me. He had a family blossoming and his career ahead of him.

What exactly do I have?

Well at 18…I have a high school degree…three weeks of sitting on my ass on the couch doing nothing…oh, and a stuffed white owl named Steven.

Yep; I had definitely had life figured out.

Instead of dwelling on my lack of…anything…I started thinking about my father. I had been doing that a lot. I don't know why, because it had been going on for the past couple months.

After awhile I had filled the sack with tons of foot long logs that would stack into an awesome fire for tomorrow. I was sweating heavily, I smelt like ass. But I still managed to lift the entire sack up and carry it out of the woods. I set it down resting against the white wood of the house.

I was still too warm to put my shirt back on so I threw it on the porch before going in for a glass of lemonade. Stella and Josh were still sitting at the table. They stopped their conversation when I walked in. Bella gazed at me while Jacob pursed his lips; I think he might have been amused.

"Well I should be going," Jacob said after a moment of awkward silence while I downed a glass of lemonade.

"Nice meeting you," I said, offering my hand out. He shook it after he stood up. Bella and him exchanged a glance before he said goodbye to her. I wiped my forehead with the crook of my elbow as Jacob slipped out of the backdoor and Bella looked at me again.

"What?" I asked her.

"What's wrong?" She asked with her eyebrows inclined in question.

"Nothing it's-" I tried to stop her from doing her Bella thing but she was already too far ahead of me.

"Come on, grab some cokes, put a shirt on and let's go talk." She suggested. Well, it wasn't really a suggestion it was more of a polite demand. I sighed and exhaled loudly before going to the fridge to grab two glass bottles of the brown soda.

We ended up on the dock. I had made the decision that I probably wouldn't be telling her what was actually on my mind but distract her with something else. Nevertheless I put on a shirt and picked her up out of her wheel chair and walked on the dock towards the end.

As I was setting her down at the end so that her calves were hanging off she pointed out, "you realize if you drop me in the lake I will throw these bottles at your head, right?"

I rolled my eyes as I sat down on the sun heated wood next to her. The sun made Bella's eyes sparkle like stars.

I said, "your eyes are the brightest; of all the colors." I couldn't help but smile as she seemed to glow in the sun. She looked radiant, and her blush made me chuckle a little.

"Not really," she mumbled. I was about to disagree while I opened the bottle on the edge of the dock but she interrupted me. "I don't think you've had my eyes on your mind Edward."

She had a point. I had not been thinking about how lovely she was when I was in the woods. But I wasn't entirely willing to share what had been on my mind like a plague.

"Edward," she put her right hand on my arm gently. I glanced over at her. She had her head titled and her eyes pleading. I knew she wanted to help.

I let my head fall back and look up to the sky, towards the sun. Towards heaven maybe.

I stared out across the blue, sparkling lake, unwilling to meet her eyes.

"I watched my father get shot and die."

* * *

**Chapter song: **Use Somebody by Kings of Leon

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**Wow, I never really have much to say anymore.**  
**Something's not right...**

**Reviews?**  
**Love ya (:**

**~Carmen**


	15. A Shoulder to Cry On

There. I had said it. The words flew out of my mouth like a gust of wind.

I waited for Bella to say something. Anything. I couldn't look at her; I didn't want to see the sympathy that was most likely in her eyes. I had had more than enough of that over the years.

I continued to stare out into the still, glass like water. There was no wind today so there were no waves whatsoever.

Finally minutes had passed and she hadn't said anything. "Well, aren't you going to say something?" I demanded.

Now I was looking at Bella. But she wasn't looking at me; she was looking at her feet dangling over the water. She seemed to be weighing her words carefully.

"Edward," she started out with caution, "this isn't exactly something that I have words for. I can't say something smart that will make you think that all is well even without your father. I lost my parents too." I let her words sink in.

Bella had lost both of her parents; not just her father. I could not imagine having Esme taken away from me when I needed her most after dad died. And here I had been a delinquent for the past 6 years while she has been a model, perfect person after losing two parents at the same time.

"I'm not by any means saying that I have it worse than you. But I do know how hard it is to talk about." Bella added after another silent moment. She turned slowly to face me; I could only glance at her for a few seconds before looking away. It wasn't long enough to uncover the emotion burning in her eyes.

I could tell what she meant by that statement. She wanted me to talk about. She wanted me to spill out all of the details of the single darkest day of my life.

Could I do it? Could I trust her and really let her in?

After my dad had been killed and the police had gotten my emotionless side of the story, my mom and I agreed that we did not want anyone to know how he died, just that he had gone much before his time had come. There were a couple police officers that knew the story but they were sworn to confidentiality.

I had never told anyone the story; not even Martin. Martin knew just what his mother had told him, and my mom hadn't told his mother much. He just knew it hadn't been a good situation. Not that death ever was.

But I just felt for once that someone could actually relate to me on this. And I felt like Bella had some type of right to know. Like she had a right to know what I was always thinking. Even though she normally got the edited version.

"He was only 30 years old." I decided that I could trust her. I took a swing out of my coca cola bottle and then set it down on the worn wood next to me.

"We had just gone out fishing. It had been just the two of us in the wilderness all day. I had caught my biggest fish ever that day. It was huge; looked like two feet long. Dad had been so wildly proud that I had brought it in all by myself without snapping the line or losing the fish.

I was so excited, maybe it was the excited waves rolling off of my father but it had been one of the best days of my life.

It started to rain at about 6 o' clock that night. It was just a sprinkle at first, as if to say 'Sorry guys, I know you've had a fun day but you gotta go, let Mother Nature clean the forest.' So we packed up all of our stuff, the book my dad had been reading, our leftover lunch, all of the fish gear and whatnot and headed for his car.

We hadn't anticipated being out from the crack of dawn all the way past dinner and we were about 45 minutes away from home. The two of us were starving, I had the appetite that all 12 year old boys have; hungry all of the time.

So my dad pulled into a little empty bar. He promised not to be drinking with a mischievous grin. I had rolled my eyes as we pulled our coats tighter around our body and took off running to the entrance.

We got inside the small bar and shook out our jackets and hung them on the little rack. It looked so cliché, small with dim lights, and a bar on the left side. There was some music playing drowsily in the background. You couldn't hear it much because of the pound of rain overhead.

There were two men sitting at a round table nursing a beer. There were a bunch of empty shot glasses next to them on the table. They were playing a card game though one of the players looked like he was asleep.

'Remind me to teach you how to play poker when your mom isn't home,' he leaned down to say with a crooked grin that I most remember him for. I grinned back at him and nodded. My mom had been all about keeping my boyhood innocence lately. Dad thought that was just about the most hilarious thing in the world.

A few other people were scattered around the open room. Dad led me over to the bar, away from one scary looking huge man. We sat down on the wooden stools and the bored bartender slowly made his way over to us.

'What'll it be?' he asked in a gruff uninterested voice. I got the sense that he wasn't a fan of his job.

'He'll have water and I'll a glass of whiskey, thanks.' Carlisle said smoothly like they were old friends. He was like that with everyone; extremely friendly and likable. A polar opposite from what kind of person I am now."

I stopped my story as Bella sighed loudly. I narrowed my eyes at her and she held her hands up in apology and gestured for me to continue.

"Anyway, he and I were just getting ready to leave and go home. He was concerned that mom would be pacing a track into the house if we didn't get home soon.

'God I love that woman, but she sure does know how to worry when it comes to you.' I rolled my eyes as my dad ruffled my hair.

Carlisle put down a 20 dollar bill on the smoothed bar before standing up with me. The two men who had been playing cards seemed to be getting into some type of argument. I wanted to just keep walking past them but that's not my dad for you.

Once one of them stood up and the other did as well, though they were both a little shaky to get to there feet. It was obvious that they had been drinking a lot more than they should have. The one who looked very angry threw a punch at the drowsy looking one.

'Hey,' Dad cautioned, dropping his hand from my shoulder and rushing over to the man who fell on the ground. I was really afraid with my dad not by me and that man so full of hate.

'What'daya think yerrr doing in mya buserness?" The angry man slurred hatefully at my father who was checking the pulse of the man.

'Just calm down for a second,' Carlisle said as he helped the man back up. He was wobbling but my dad was in his element, doing what he did best.

Edward, son, step back,' I did as I was told and took a few hesitant steps away from the three and back towards the bar.

I've had nightmares for years about what happened next.

The man was standing back up and the other man, the very drunk one, pulled his fist back and snapped the man's head again. He crumbled to the ground once again, but this time his nose had made a sickening crack.

My dad was fed up, his patience for this drunk had snapped. He strode over to him quickly and grabbed his jacket by the end. He was probably going to set this guy straight.

The guy was outraged by him, he used what little force he had left and pulled a gun out of his pocket. Dad hadn't seen it, he was too angry at him. The man struggled with the arm that was holding the gun and then got a clear shot. The bullet hit Dad right above his heart, in one of his main arteries.

'Dad!' I screamed running over to him. That was the most terrifying moment of my life. I had only been 12 and my father was my world. I wasn't dense though, I knew where a heart was and I knew where that bullet had ripped his chest.

Dad crumbled in the ground just as the other man had. The shot was still echoing throughout the room when the bartender and another man sprinted with hell's fury to my dad lying on ground as the man who shot my dad ran out of the building, not even bothering to close the door.

My dad was lying on the floor, gasping for air. He was still himself, as much as it was possible. He wasn't gone yet, I could see that he was holding on, struggling to stay alive. Fighting for just a few more moments of his life.

'Edward,' he said, in a struggle. It wasn't his normal, compassionate, calm, collected voice that I was so used to. Tears were streaming down my eyes as he tried to reach for my hand. I grabbed it and held it as tightly as I could, willing him to take some of the life I had and keep it with him.

'Edward!' he said in a more struggled grunt, 'You listen to me son,' he inhaled loudly, but it broke during his breath. I nodded.

'You and your mother,' he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut and tightened the hold on my hand. I thought that was the moment he was gone, that I would never hear what he was about to say.

'…are my world. Es is my everything,' he closed eyes once more as the he started to lose the fight.

'And you,' he continued, his breath picking up more. His eyes were afraid, terrified. I had never seen them like this, but they were still my father's. He was still there. 'You are my light, I love you both.'

And it was over.

That man, that man who had drunk too much alcohol had taken away my father in the course of two minutes. Two minutes and he was gone, the warmth of his hand started to slowly diminish. I clutched it while I cried over him.

I must have thought about that for hours in the weeks that followed. It only took two minutes to change someone's life completely.

Two single minutes.

Eventually I was able to compose myself enough to give the police officer the home phone number to contact my mom. I wasn't going to leave my dad's side. I couldn't.

I couldn't form any thoughts in my mind, the _I'll never see him again_, or _he didn't deserve this_, or even _he was a good man_ thoughts didn't even float into my mind. I could only keep thinking one thing.

He's gone.

That day of my life didn't seem like it could get any worse. I was at the lowest low I could ever be. And still it got worse.

My mother arrived at the bar about a half hour later. She had obviously been speeding which was very dangerous considering the fact she was crying, sobbing, the whole way there.

She rushed into the bar, and stopped dead in her tracks. Even now I couldn't imagine what she would have felt, seeing her only son sobbing over her dead husband's body.

Mom wrapped my tightly in her arms and there we sat curled on the wooden floor of that small dingy bar sobbing to each other.

Like I said, we didn't want the cause of dad's death to be out. There are only a handful of people who know.

Dad deserved a much more peaceful death than that."

I finished my story and didn't say anything else. I could feel my eyes watering again, thinking of that night so perfectly etched into the core of my brain. I wished in some ways I could forget about it.

Over the course of my talk Bella had scooted closer to me. She had put her arm around my back and was holding with gentle and firmness onto to me. In that moment it was all that I really needed. I didn't need Bella to say anything I didn't need her to squeeze me to death; I just needed her.

Bella had been at my father's funeral. She had been there, dressed in a black dress with her hair pulled back and pretty when we buried him under the willow tree. I hadn't seen her, I hadn't seen anyone; just the coffin where my dad's body was.

At one point during the burial my mom was loosing it. She made them open the casket. The two of us had tried to say goodbye to him before the wake, during and after but it we couldn't. That had been it.

My mom had kissed him and I had kissed his cheek too. I didn't care about the other boys from my school who were fidgeting in the background. I wouldn't laugh at them if their father had died.

"Your dad…I see him in you. You are both exceptionally good men." Bella spoke in her calming, wise voice. I felt my throat constricting; I wasn't half the man that he was. People probably laughed at how far off I was from him. That's what I was, a joke.

"I don't know if you want me to even keep talking. But I used to have to go the hospital a lot, your dad wasn't my doctor, but he took an interest in my disability and he was always so friendly.

One day your dad was filling in for my doctor. I was 12, it had been a year after my parents were killed and Emmett was at his height of overprotection. As he was looking at my chart he was talking about you. You had a baseball game, and he was eager to clock out and go watch you.

As he was talking I couldn't help but keep smiling, he loved you so much that he was totally immersed in talking about you that he probably wasn't he looking at my chart. I smiled and commented 'You really love Edward, don't you?'

Carlisle looked up and beamed at me, 'Just as much as you love your brother.' My brother had become my everything, but my parents were still gone. Carlisle saw my frown and softened his face, 'and your parents.'

'I miss them,' I sighed wiping the corner of my eye. I had never been able to cry within an instant, but the tears had started to come so fast.

'Have you ever heard the saying;_ Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened_. I know how much you miss them, but you have to be strong and hold onto the memories that you have with them. The stronger you are, the easier it will be to prevent them from fading.'

I wiped my eyes again and grinned at him, I was so fond of him, and he reminded me of my dad. 'Do you know who said that Bella?' I shook my head, 'Dr. Seuss. Just goes to show you how wise a man who writes about an elephant hatching an egg is.'" Bella laughed a little bit as I smiled. That sounded like my dad.

"He had said it about my parents but I think he wants you to hear the same thing. Smile because, even though his time on earth was far too short you were a blessed to know such an amazing man. Not everyone is as lucky."

It had been months since I last cried about my father, on the day of his death. On all other days I was somewhat able to force any sad thoughts out of my head. But today, hearing the story coming from my own mouth and hearing Bella, it would be impossible for me to stay that strong.

"How can I not cry?" I asked helplessly. My voice broke when I spoke and I felt eyes threatening to spill. I was not a man who cried a lot, but every man has his weakness.

"I don't really know how wise the man who writes about elephants hatching an egg is. It's okay to cry, it's good sometimes." I exhaled loudly. It was comforting and strange, but Bella always knew exactly the right thing to say.

I brought my left arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me. She met my eyes for an instant; I could only see understanding and pain. She was so selfless and beautiful.

I buried my face in her hair, feeling slightly sorry for messing it up. I didn't want her to see me, just like I didn't want my mom to witness it. She may understand; but I did not want to make her watch me cry.

Instead I cried into her auburn locks till the point when they were quite damp. Bella didn't say anything; she stayed still as a statue, with the exception of her right hand that was moving gently up and down on my side in comfort.

Eventually after a questionable period of time I felt that feeling of exhaustion that you can only get after you've been crying.

I sniffed a few times, trying to work up the dignity to remove my face from Bella's hair. After a moment when I thought I was pretty well together I moved my face from her hair and used the hand that was around her shoulder to smooth down the ruffled hair.

I inhaled deeply and looked out to the water again. I looked down when I felt weight on my shoulder. Bella was resting her head my shoulder timidly, not looking at me either.

"Tell me more about him."

To this day I am still baffled how Bella knew exactly what I needed. What I had been needing for years. I just needed an afternoon to remember my dad, I needed someone to care and listen as I told stories of him.

And she was the person, I couldn't have trusted a better person with that story.

I talked about him until the sun was setting. Bella and I sat silently together with the memory of my dad swirling around us like the colors of the striking sunset.

* * *

**Chapter song:** _Fall Into You by Amy Lee_

* * *

****Okay guys, turn down your itunes, Carmen's got something to say.**  
**I am planning my next story (didn't I just start this?) and I am taking suggestions. Sorta.**

**I want to know if there is anything you want to see in the story.**  
**It's not a period piece (crazy right!) and it's going to be BPOV.**

**I just want to know if there is anything you want to see. i.e. dates, traits, ferrets?**  
**PM if you have any questions/suggestions****  
**Thanks!**

**~Carmen**

**Check out the website (:**


	16. Some More News

I'm sorry this isn't the update you were hoping for, it wasn't what I wanted to be posting.  
And I'm sorry for this, but I am announcing my break from Thunder.

I just got to frazzled internally trying to manage all my crap and get updates out. Even if it didn't bother you that my updates were spaced and clearly not as good, I was really disappointed in myself.

But, when I say I'm taking a break from Thunder that just means it will be put on the back burner.  
I'm going to be focusing on my new story (title pending) Here's the rough caption

_Bella stumbles across a lonely soldier's profile online one night; on a whim she writes a letter to Iraq, to Sergeant Masen. She never imagined to get a reply. Sergeant Masen and Bella form a friendship over the course of their letters, but when the Sergeant goes on leave, things will change. Bella finds herself wrapped in a whirlwind romance with an older soldier with a past that seems to be catching up to him. When his leave comes close to an end and he has to go back, Bella knows she has to make a choice in which the events that follow will change the rest of their lives._

I really mean it when I say I would love feedback for this idea. I'm not sure I like that little blurb but it was the best I could do in what? 2 minutes. Blah, I suck at writing those things, so let me know if there is any questions about it, because like I said, that is an awful blurb.

***~***I have an interview with Bella and Edward on my website if you are interested along with my thoughts and pictures from this story***~* **  
**2carm2carm2(dot)weebly(dot)com**  
There is no www and the link is on my profile as well

Before I head out, I'm going to leave you guys with something I was working on for the next chapter of Thunder. Love you all, and thanks for putting up with me (:

~Carmen

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The next morning Bella and I were sitting on the porch. I was leaning against the house wall and Bella was situated on the rocking bench that I helped her onto. Her legs were stretched out towards me and her back was propped against the arm rest. I was strumming an old guitar that I had forgotten about and she was writing something in her notebook.

I heard Bella sigh and looked up from the guitar. I watched as she took another breath. "You know, I kind of feel obligated to tell you my story of how I lost my parents."

_So; _as you could tell, we were really starting the day out on a positive note.

"You really don't have to," I started to assure her but she rolled her eyes. I stopped mid sentence and waited for her to speak.

"I know I don't have to, dumbass, but I want to." She said expressively.

"Okay, I was just….wait. Did you just call me a dumbass?" I asked incredulously. It wasn't that I was offended by the name, (to be perfectly honest I was called that on a daily basis) but to hear to from Bella shocked me.

I watched as a soft blush came over Bella's cheeks that had gotten slightly more sun tanned after being here. The tips of her lips curved up a little bit in embarrassment as she brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

"Well I am a dumbass among other things, so please continue," I smirked at her with a wink. She dropped her hand and rolled her eyes.

"I don't really have much to tell you about it though, I know you were 10, or maybe 11 but you knew what happened." Bella said after a moment. I felt the mood shift instantly with her words. The smirk slid slowly off my face as I prepared to give her my full attention.

Unfortunately, I did know what had happened.


	17. Bella's Past

Alright gang, here's the scoop. I'm gonna break this down to three simple parts.

1. Hi! How's it hanging? Long time no see.

**2. **Under all this information there is some actual Thunder for you. _Unfortunately _this is how far I've gotten in the past few months. I'm sorry, I've just been way too busy. But, a lot of you wanted to know what happened to Bella's parents, which surprised me. Nevertheless, here is the continuation of what was posted the chapter before. I'm sorry it wasn't as dramatic as I think some of you were guessing it would be. _If you want to know the deal deal about Thunder_ just go over to my profile after you've read this and it'll tell you.

3. I posted a new story. Yay! Remember that little blurb I gave you in the last chapter? I doubt it, 'cause that was like forever ago. Anyway, yup; posted. It's called **Sinerely, Sergeant Masen** and I'm already half way done with it, so you don't have to worry about being left hanging like this story (heh...heh...did I mention I was sorry?) I would love it so freaking much if you guys would just give the first couple chatpers a shot and let me know what you think. You readers are all extremely valuable to me and I crave your approvals...well, that was a little exaggerated...but true enough.

Hope to see you over at SSM!(:

~Carmen

* * *

I only knew what my dad had told me of course, and I was fully aware that he had edited it to be more age appropriate for me.

Bella's parents had been riding in a bus when they were killed. They were going to Chicago for their anniversary or something among that nature and they had been riding in it for awhile and it was dark out.

The driver was tired or something, they knew he hadn't been drinking so Bella and I didn't share the 'alcohol induced person responsible for killing one or both of our parent's thing.' The police had concluded that the driver had been on his third straight shift and was in desperate need of some sleep.

Unfortunately the department that scheduled his shifts ended up killing nine people. The driver had fallen asleep at the wheel near midnight when they were traveling down a road close to Wisconsin. When he fell asleep he had obviously lost control of the wheel and the bus swerved into a thick patch of trees.

The passengers on the right side of the bus were extremely lucky because the wheel swerved to left and instantly killed the people towards the front on the left side. Including Bella's parents and the driver.

"I'm sorry Bella." I said gently as I placed the guitar on the wood next to me. I linked my fingers together and propped them on my elevated knees as my head rested against the wall. I looked at her, trying to convey the same understanding she had shown me the day earlier.

Bella sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear before leaving her elbow on the arm rest to prop her head up.

"They were just gone. I had never felt more vulnerable in my entire life; so exposed to the world without my parents guarding me." Bella said, looking out towards the lake.

"I panicked; it was almost to the point of hysteria. What if I forgot the way my dad Charlie smelled after he came home from a day of work? What if I forgot the feeling of his mustache tickling my forehead when he kissed me goodnight? And my mom. What if I forgot how her eyes shined? Or even how she sung when she was cooking dinner? I wasn't even worried about Emmett or anyone else I was just frightened by the idea of forgetting."

Bella looked at me now. She was biting her lip and her brown eyes were wide and bright. I knew from experience they turned like that when she was about to cry…or there was a time that she had allergies too.

"I don't know what I would have done…if Emmett hadn't…if he hadn't stepped up, I…I," Bella choked on the single syllable as she blinked her eyes rapidly.

Without a second thought I stood up and walked the three feet over to her. I scooped her off the seat and sat down on the wood again. This time I nestled her into a sitting position between my legs that were spread out to make room for her body. I wrapped my arms around her stomach and pulled her against my chest, out facing the lake.

"Shh, it's okay. Emmett _did_ step up. He _did_ take care of you. And that man loves you more that anything in the world. You know that right?" I asked her softly, whispering into her ear. It seemed like she was frustrated with the crying; that was definitely something I could relate to.

"But what if he hadn't?" She asked me as she started to relax against me and rested her head where my heart was, still wiping at the annoying tears.

"What if George Washington hadn't been born? What if we lost the Civil War? What if the Holocaust could have been stopped? What if's do nothing. They change nothing that has happened. And in your case that's a good thing, because why wonder about something that _didn't_ happen and _could_ have been bad. When something _did_ happen and turned out very good?" I lectured her passionately, but still trying to maintain a supportive tone.

Bella didn't say anything. I was starting to worry that it was possible that I may have upset her, which, let's be honest, it is pretty possible with me. I could upset my neighbor's lawn gnome for God's sake.

But then, it was like the star's had shifted and all was completely whacked in the heavens because Bella said two words that I never even dreamed of having her say to me. "You're right."

Pissy lawn gnome's can kiss my smartass.

I grinned to myself as I tightened my hold on a now calmer Bella. Her breathing was more normal and she wasn't wiping at her eyes every three seconds, it was more like every 19-23 seconds, somewhere in that range.

"Always listen to the dumbass. He's usually right."

It had been a nice moment until Bella whacked me square in the chest. I felt a little guilty about spending about four hours talking about my dad and only spending about ten minutes talking about her parents before I couldn't be serious anymore. But Bella seemed content.

The girl in my arms was as strong as an entire army. As a ten year old she had lost both parents and she had come to terms with their loss, and she has actually accepted her life. She was so strong. She didn't need so much babying like I did. Bella was the only girl I was okay admitting she's stronger than me. Because she is.

"I'm sorry. We can talk about them if you want." I offered to her as I tucked the lose strand of hair back behind her ear.

"Maybe not right now. I just didn't want you to feel bad or guilty someday for not asking. I wasn't even going to say anything but you just seem so much better –for lack of a better word- now that you've talked about it. I envy you for being so collected and strong about it." Bella explained quietly, looking down at her lap.

I snorted. "Funny, I am about as strong as a baby cub." It was irony that she perceived me as the rock in this friendship. No, it wasn't even irony, it was just plain hilarious.

"Those cubs grow into fierce lions Edward." Bella turned to me and smiled. I rolled my eyes and scoffed silently, but eventually I gave her a small grin back which satisfied her.

We sat there for a few more minutes, not moving even a centimeter. I was just about to become uncomfortable with the heavy silence when Bella placed her hands on the ground, and propped up a little.

"God, let's do something actually fun. Unless you want to hear about the time I was seven and my cat died." Bella said sarcastically, I laughed and stood up.

"Ice cream or swimming?" I asked her when I bent down to scoop her into my arms, just like routine.

It was about 80 degrees with the sun near it's highest peak in the day. It would be a perfect day for swimming because there literally was no breeze whatsoever, which meant no waves for Bella to have to deal with.

But I still really wanted ice cream. That would be why I left the decision to her because I would be debating for the next hour.

"Let's go swimming, we can always get ice cream later." I shrugged and started to walk towards the door. As I was walking through the doorway, I may have, sort of bumped bumped Bella's a head just a tiny bit on the frame. She glared frostily as she rubbed her head. I grinned sheepishly at her as we made it to the bedroom. I set her down on the bed and then turned to walk out the bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

I leaned back against the frame of the door, mentally exhausted. It was a werid sensation to describe, but I could feel myself changing. I don't know into what it was changing, but spending this much time with Bella, it was making me...better.

* * *

Oh! So, I have been thinking about doing a collection of a few Christmas themed one shots using a vary of couples. I'd start posting, I don't, 12 days before Christmas?  
Should I? Love to know your thoughts(:


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